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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask what is the largest wild animal you could fight off?

263 replies

Tsham · 04/08/2026 09:14

You’re walking in the countryside. An animal resents your presence and it goes for you.

One simple question.

What is the largest wild animal you think you could successfully fight off?

It doesn’t have to be a British wild animal. Feel free to choose a Koala or a Baboon, etc. if you wish.

OP posts:
Livpool · 04/08/2026 11:18

Nolongera · 04/08/2026 09:36

A baboon could rip apart even the best cage fighter human, so it a no from me, and I think koalas can carry human VD, so again, a no from me.

Even deer are insanely powerful compared to us and use to scrapping.

Badgers are right hard bastards who look cute.

I reckon the biggest UK animal I could beat in a fight is a swan.

My Nan got pecked by a swan when in her 20s and hated them for the rest of her 95 years!

I think I could possibly take on a hamster but that would be my limit.

CountessBinface · 04/08/2026 11:14

An earwig.

Original poster
Tsham · 04/08/2026 11:14

Just putting this out there but they do say you can deter a great white shark by giving it a good strong punch square on the nose.

OP posts:
Justthisthanks · 04/08/2026 11:12

I was surrounded by geckos last week and I wondered what number would be able to overpower me. I think I’d be able to fight loads of them off unless it got like that Patricia Highsmith story about snails…..

In terms of a single animal, i could only beat something I could pick up and fling away from me so, maybe a small monkey. Maybe a lemur?

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 04/08/2026 11:10

I once got bitten by a Water Boatman.

Google suggests they don’t actually have mouths but I swear down that fucker bit me.

Viviennemary · 04/08/2026 11:09

None. I'm scared of everything.

Ohcrap082024 · 04/08/2026 11:05

I reckon I could take on a wild rabbit. But not a hare. They do boxing and stuff.

ColdAsAWitches · 04/08/2026 11:05

I'm going to win this thread. I've taken on, and beaten a spider monkey! I was doing work experience in a zoo. It managed to escape it's enclosure and started running at me. I ran back at it, shouting and screaming, it took one look and headed straight back to the cage!

MilkBreadToiletroll · 04/08/2026 11:05

Squirrelsnut · 04/08/2026 09:48

Well, I'm embarrassed because I opened this thread with the vague idea I could possibly scare off a wolf by flailing around wildly and screaming. But now I realise that, realistically, we're talking hedgehog.

Wolves are terrifying. I saw some at fairly close range at an animal sanctuary with my 2year old DD. They looked like they wanted to hunt us. I walked very sharpish away from that section.

I'll say I could fend off a chicken comfortably. 😆

AmberVerdigris · 04/08/2026 11:03

I don’t think I could fight off any animal if it properly went on the attack, as in the scenario above.

I should have to rely on being able to run away faster than it could chase me - so maybe a tortoise?

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 04/08/2026 11:03

I was thinking that I could maybe take a fox, but then I remembered the time I had to disentangle one from a mass of wire fencing that it had got caught in and I've still got the scars from that. Deffo not a badger, even my very big dog used to give badgers a huge swerve if we came upon one on a walk. Nothing too bitey, which rules out rabbits and most rodents. Deer kill a fair few people every year so I'm not taking one of those. Hares are surprisingly large when full grown and have teeth and claws...

I think I'm down to moths and butterflies plus the invertebrates like worms and snails.

dudsville · 04/08/2026 11:01

Anyhting that can bite, scratch and/or climb will get the better of me. This includes squirrels and birds. I'll have a go at defending myself, but I've never had to, so I wouldn't be surpised by the probable outcome.

user90756423298 · 04/08/2026 10:59

Davros · 04/08/2026 10:27

Like a few others, I’m thinking a little deer (not Bambi), maybe a Muntjac. Then I could hang its body for two weeks and try eating it. I can’t cook though so would need help with that part. And the skinning/disembowling.

Do you know Muntjacs have sharp tusks? They’ve been known to gut dogs that have cornered them, so my advice would be to get a good grip of its skull or it'll have you!

randomchap · 04/08/2026 10:59

SleepingStandingUp · 04/08/2026 10:56

i reckon I'd stand a good chance against a trash panda. I think what the grown up name for them is 🤣

Raccoon?

SleepingStandingUp · 04/08/2026 10:56

i reckon I'd stand a good chance against a trash panda. I think what the grown up name for them is 🤣

SwirlyGates · 04/08/2026 10:54

NoraLuka · 04/08/2026 10:31

Ooh good question! I’ve been thinking about this since a wolf was spotted in our local forest and I thought about what I’d do if I bumped into it when out running.

Possibly a small fox or a roe deer? Definitely not a badger or a wild boar.

I'd look for a tree to climb. Not that I've climbed a tree in 50 years, so that might not be a successful strategy.

We humans are pretty weedy really, aren't we?

AngelinaFibres · 04/08/2026 10:54

Yello24 · 04/08/2026 09:19

Well I’m probably overthinking this but you’d want a very large one but not a carnivore and therefore lacking teeth and claws and all that. So probably a blue whale (on land).
Then a blue whale on land wouldn’t attack me so… a Llama maybe.

A llama would spit in your eyes and disable your ability to fight it off because you'd be running around gagging and flapping.Oh and they kick too

Papster · 04/08/2026 10:51

NeededANameChangeAnyway · 04/08/2026 10:39

I was attacked as a child by a friends absolutely feral male rabbit and he tore me to shreds. Rabbits, when they decide to go for you, absolutely commit and have no fear. And their claws are about an inch long!!

Show quote history

Still got the scar on my leg.
Childhood friend’s rabbit surveyed me, hopped forward and bit a chunk out of it

Papster · 04/08/2026 10:49

Tsham · 04/08/2026 09:14

You’re walking in the countryside. An animal resents your presence and it goes for you.

One simple question.

What is the largest wild animal you think you could successfully fight off?

It doesn’t have to be a British wild animal. Feel free to choose a Koala or a Baboon, etc. if you wish.

A baboon would kill you if it wanted.
Chimp ditto
I think I could handle a koala

FusionChefGeoff · 04/08/2026 10:47

I fucking love Mumsnet well done @Tsham

NeededANameChangeAnyway · 04/08/2026 10:46

A neighbour (a farmer) was almost killed by a ram - crushed pelvis, broken ribs and broken ankle - so I think sheep are out I'm afraid...

I was also bitten and scratched by a squirrel at an animal rescue place as I tried to change its water bowl. Went absolutely batshit trying to escape it's cage and I needed stitches!!

I think my limit would be a midgie (but a cloud of them would win)

corblimeymlud · 04/08/2026 10:40

AmyDudley · 04/08/2026 09:46

I like to think I could rugby tackle a small deer.

In reality, I once picked up a mouse that was in the middle of the road, to put it in the verge, and it bit me, so I give mice a wide berth.
I've also been attacked by a large bird of prey and it won.

So the deer is probably wishful thinking and my limit is most likely a fruit fly.

😂😂😂 I now have images of women rugby tackling small deer all over the country based on this thread !

NeededANameChangeAnyway · 04/08/2026 10:39

corblimeymlud · 04/08/2026 09:35

I think I could take on a rabbit 😂

I was attacked as a child by a friends absolutely feral male rabbit and he tore me to shreds. Rabbits, when they decide to go for you, absolutely commit and have no fear. And their claws are about an inch long!!

Fiddlesticks1 · 04/08/2026 10:37

A spider. 🤣🤣

chirrupybird · 04/08/2026 10:36

Tsham · 04/08/2026 09:17

I think anything with claws or sharp teeth would be problematic. However, I was thinking badger.

To be clear, this is hand to hand combat. No weapons or tools.

Edited

I wouldn't take on a badger, they are built like a tank and have big teeth and claws.