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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL drinking 'concern'

187 replies

Becc91 · 03/08/2026 21:36

So, bit of a long one..
Currently on holiday in Devon with DH, DS ,DD and, ILs. After what I thought was a lovely family meal (paid for by me, ofc 🙄) my charming MIL pulled me aside to express her "concerns".
Apparently my couple of gin and tonics is getting "out of hand" and is 'setting a bad example' for my daughter. To make matters worse my DS then chimed in and called me embarassing!! 😲
Feel totally humiliated and demoralised when i've put a lot of effort into organising -and paying for- this holiday. Can't look MIL in the eye and DH doesn't understand why I'm upset.
AIBU to enjoy my holiday the way I want???

OP posts:
BMW58 · 03/08/2026 22:39

Becc91 · 03/08/2026 22:32

Just to clear this up, DH was having some me time upstairs in our bedroom -having started drinking earlier than me- but obviously MIL doesn't have a bad word to say about him and he said he "just wants to keep the peace" 🙄

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What do you mean by "me time"?? Having a wank???

Skippyasyermuni · 03/08/2026 22:38

I’d he telling her very clearly that if she wants to talk to you about drinking then she needs to go and speak to her son, and how dare she target you when he drinks more.

But you still need to pay attention. If you and your husband drink like this often, then does she have a point? It’s so easy to let it run away with itself and have two or three drinks, a few times a week, every week, always. Occasionally on a holiday? Fine. But if this is consistent behaviour then be careful.

BMW58 · 03/08/2026 22:37

Becc91 · 03/08/2026 21:49

It would've been about 4, between late afternoon and early evening.

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Well that time period could be only an hour or two!

Are you all in a pub or restaurant so pub measures or is this at your accommodation so free pour?

Why didn't your DH back you up? Has your drinking caused any issues before?

Wishitsnows · 03/08/2026 22:35

Keep asking MIL why it’s ok that her son has had so many more and it’s not an issue for her. Ask her if she is embarrassed that he had to go for a lie down after his and not scoalise with the family

Original poster
Becc91 · 03/08/2026 22:32

Delphiniumandlupins · 03/08/2026 22:25

Four pub measure single gins or "mixed at home" measures? I think the latter sounds pretty heavy for a family meal. It might also depend if your MiL tends to stick her nose into other people's business frequently. Is your DH refusing to be drawn in because he agrees with her?

Just to clear this up, DH was having some me time upstairs in our bedroom -having started drinking earlier than me- but obviously MIL doesn't have a bad word to say about him and he said he "just wants to keep the peace" 🙄

OP posts:
saraclara · 03/08/2026 22:30

So "a couple" has become "about four". Which probably means five.

I was about to post in your support, but four (or five) is pushing it for late afternoon out with family.

Skippyasyermuni · 03/08/2026 22:25

You said probably 4. So, you don’t actually know how much you had or you’re telling us a lower number with the “about.”
Your MiL has felt the need to bring up your drinking and your son says you were embarrassing.

Those 3 things together do suggest that you may be drinking too much. Have a real think about it and be honest about how much you drank.

It could also be nonsense - MIL being a judgemental cow, your son being the big headed know it all they can be at that age. Only you really know, so you need to be honest with yourself.

Delphiniumandlupins · 03/08/2026 22:25

Four pub measure single gins or "mixed at home" measures? I think the latter sounds pretty heavy for a family meal. It might also depend if your MiL tends to stick her nose into other people's business frequently. Is your DH refusing to be drawn in because he agrees with her?

Gatecrashermum · 03/08/2026 22:24

Becc91 · 03/08/2026 21:49

It would've been about 4, between late afternoon and early evening.

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Hang on

First you said two over dinner

Then 4 between late afternoon and early evening. Are those 4 x 25ml pub singles? Or 4 served at home fairly large doubles (probably more like a pub triple)?

Late afternoon - 4? Til early evening -6pm? Even 4 pub singles in 90 minutes or 2 hours seems like a fair amount to me. Was there wine with dinner then?

You're being a big vague and defensive in a way that suggests their criticism might have a point.

Pastapenguin · 03/08/2026 22:21

Sounds ridiculous and your DH should have backed you up.

Isittimeformynapyet · 03/08/2026 22:18

Paying for the picnic is an entirely separate issue to whether your MIL was overreacting to your drinking or not.

You can't pay family to not say things you don't want to hear.

But as others have said, there's nowhere near enough information to know if you or she was BU.

Your pissed off reaction is absolutely classic for people who actually have a problematic relationship with alcohol.

Wishitsnows · 03/08/2026 22:13

How many drinks did your DH have? Also it’s a holiday. 4 is not many.

AlohaRose · 03/08/2026 22:13

What does about 4 gins between late afternoon and early evening actually mean? Do you mean 4 (or 5 or 6?) gins over a maximum two hour period?

SallySue87 · 03/08/2026 22:12

GOATYOAT · 03/08/2026 22:10

4 gins would probably be too many for me in one sitting- I’d certainly be a bit merry!

You’re clearly not a party girl 😂

GOATYOAT · 03/08/2026 22:10

4 gins would probably be too many for me in one sitting- I’d certainly be a bit merry!

Shinyandnew1 · 03/08/2026 22:08

You paid for the whole holiday?

’I’m sorry you feel like that, Sue. We will holiday just our little family in future’

She can get stuffed!

Besidemyselfwithworry · 03/08/2026 22:06

I’d not be repeating this holiday ever again and why are you paying for everyone else if they’re all adults?

ByNeatRoseMember · 03/08/2026 22:06

Yes - what is husband doing or saying?

pizzaHeart · 03/08/2026 22:04

likeitshard · 03/08/2026 21:45

Assuming you weren’t drunk just ignore her and if she does it again say “relax Grandma we are on holiday “ !!
id have a word with your son too about his manners. And I’d be clear to dh if it happens again he needs to tell her to wind her neck in!!
If this is typical for her I’d be less inclined to treat her next time

This^ covers everything

ByNeatRoseMember · 03/08/2026 22:02

i think the problem is that you want to relax on what is your holiday but you are in a family friendly environment so it’s compromise. But MIL should just shut up and compromise too

superchick · 03/08/2026 22:01

How much does your DH drink? Is your MIL and DS berating him as well? Or is it only women (and mothers specifically) that arent allowed to do anything to enjoy themselves?

fuchsteufelswild · 03/08/2026 21:56

Why did your son chime in to call you embarrassing, did he agree with MIL? Is he concerned?

It's 4 is out of the ordinary as special occasion I'd just tell her (ETA and son) off.

Hohofortherobbers · 03/08/2026 21:53

Their reactions seem at odds with the drinking you describe. Either they are both overreacting or you are in denial. None of us can tell which is true.

BMW58 · 03/08/2026 21:52

How much do you drink and how often?

Your 20 year old son has expressed concern - what is this based on?

Beachbeach · 03/08/2026 21:51

Becc91 · 03/08/2026 21:49

It would've been about 4, between late afternoon and early evening.

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That is a fair few and its spirits. If your kids are teens probs not so much of an issue. If you have small kids I probably agree with your MIL

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