MIL drinking 'concern'

I am, yet again, baffled at how many people here go to pieces at criticism and can't deal with confrontation.
This is impossible to answer usefully. Nice of her to pull you aside - but then how was DS chiming in? How can we know whether your assessment of a "couple" of drinks is correct? Why would you be "humiliated" if you weren't in the wrong? Why didn't you speak up? Does DH maybe not understand because you're not explaining yourself well?
Sorry, I know this isn't what you want to hear, but the only advice I can imagine itshaving you approach your MIL and hash it out.

It's not MILs place, at all, to comment on your drinking. Not ever, and certainly not on a freebie holiday with the intention of embarrassing her generous host.

If she was actually "concerned" she'd have talked to you one to one, and not on holiday.

And since her son drinks more than you, she can definitely start with him first.

And the way to keep the peace is for him to tell you he has his back and when you are all home he can then tell his mother never to overstep like this again. That will keep the peace, his cowardly placatory mumsy boy behaviour will not.

Hopefully that's a lesson learned for you, you don't go on holiday with her again.

code for escaping his insufferable mother.

It sounds like the OP& Hubby are wanting to make the most of being on holiday & MiL was not expecting a day drinking holiday.

i just have an image of Mrs Bucket in my head 😂

Your pissed off reaction is also absolutely classic for people who actually don’t have a problematic relationship with alcohol

So it's already gone from 2 to 4. Were you drunk. Do you drink a lot on a regular basis.

@Becc91 Initial opinion is that its probably not excessive but I need answers to a few questions first. SO DS is 20, how old is DD?

Only asking because if DH is already away with the fairies and you have a young child with you, one of you needs to be sober, you can't just assume the ILs will step in. If the DD is in her late teens I think that is OK too.

Were you driving? If not, then what is the issue? If you are off your rocker every day, that is an issue, you are on holiday and this is the time to be able to relax a bit.

It sounds as if both you and your DH are heavy drinkers which is entirely your prerogative.

But I’ve never understood the logic behind being on holiday = ok to drink to excess every day. The damage inflicted on your health from downing copious amounts of alcohol every day for a couple of weeks is the same whether you’re in London or Lanzarote. People drinking pints at 5am at the airport to “get my holiday started early” is another oddity. Just why😂

I don’t know why so many people assume the DS is being a smart arse or rude. If he says he finds his DM’s behaviour embarrassing then he probably actually does. It’s a bit random to just make that up.

I’m also intrigued as to why you have paid for everyone to go on holiday!

@Becc91 what was the reason for your DS saying you were embarrassing? What were you doing?

I think we need to know this so we can decide on which side is being unreasonable.

Unless they were doubles (ie 8 units) and you are drinking that every day on holiday, alone, then I cant see the issue.

That said, DH, DS and I spent a week away recently. We all had a couple of drinks at the bar (def 3-4 units each) shared a bottle of wine with beers for the meal (so 4 -5 more units), two nights we cocktails and enjoyed the disco/evening entertainment. So, probs had LOTS of units over the week. We were aware, only drank while eating, never got slurry as drinking was over 4-6 hours - we don’t drink like that at home and didn’t drink again for 6 nights after we got back (ie the following weekend).

So yes, drank more than typically advised based on a weekly average, but it will even out of the the month.

I think you need to tell her to eind her neck if she want to have a free holiday with you again and I’d absolutely be giving DH an earful - I assume he was also knocking back the beers?

Late afternoon to early evening is around 5ish to 7 or possibly 8. "About" 4 gins probably means you lost count. Even 4 is a lot of liquor in 2 or 3 hours. That both your MIL are bringing up your drinking is getting out of hand and your son is embarrassed by your drinking says your behaviour is likely inappropriate and you don't realize how you're acting.

Bring on holiday is not a license to be that drunken person that needs family intervention about how much they drink.

Don't tell them off about them being concerned about how much you're drinking and how you're acting , that kind of proves their point. Plus they're obviously concerned. It's a difficult subject and being defensive won't help you get you the truth.

Consider how much you're drinking, add up the amounts and see where you really land. 4 or more shots of liquor in drinks is a lot for a woman in 2 hours. You're middle aged and your liver is not going to metabolize alcohol like it did when you were in your 20s. Had you been drinking alcohol earlier on the day or drinking after they had this conversation with you?

I have so many questions, they're probably not at all relevant, but...

Why are you paying for everyone?
Is there history with MIL? (In which case, refer back to my first question!)
Is this a normal amount of drinking for you? Do you think you were acting as though you were affected by it in any way?
How did your DS have the opportunity to chime in if you'd been 'pulled aside'?

I’d be hammered after 4 G&Ts, but I’d never pull someone aside on holiday and say it’s excessive.

Personally I’d tell her to mind her own business, you are on holiday and if you want to have 2,4, 6 or 8 gins then so be it! It’s your choice.

I also wouldn’t be holidaying with people who criticise me or call me embarrassing just because I’m enjoying myself on holiday and that includes ds.

So what if she was tipsy and boring? She's on holiday and presumably not there to be the entertainment. The others don't seem to be so uncomfortable that they won't accept her hospitality.

So you're paying for the holiday and paid for the meal and can't have a few drinks? Unless your DD is about 10 I'd tell them all to sod off and pay for their own holiday in future. I don't care if you were rip roaring drunk, she shouldn't have spoken to you like that when her darling son was upstairs doing whatever the hell he was doing.

My DS would probably chime in with a smart arse comment too - similar age to yours - just because he would think he was being funny. I'm quite sure that you are capable of policing your own alcohol consumption.

You are well within your rights to have a few gins on your holiday. Tell mil to shove off and have a word with your son about being more respectful.

Was your DH sleeping / napping because he’d been drinking earlier too? All sounds like quite a boozy afternoon.

I’ve got no problem with that occasionally, but tipsy folk can boring / annoying and others you’re on hols with clearly feel uncomfortable. So I’d look to tone it down tomorrow. Start drinking later, have one or two fewer drinks.

Not MiLs place to say anything. But if my 20 year old son and his Grandma both thought I'd made a show of myself, I'd probably have a little think about whether I might have done.

Be careful OP my ex was having a lot of “me time” and it wasn’t exactly PG…!

How many is a couple? Why does DS say it’s embarrassing?

MIL could be an exaggerating cow or could have a point. Depends.

Sorry so now I see you’ve said 4. That’s not a couple by definition so you’ve already played it down on here for some reason. 4 singles or 4 doubles? Or hand measures which are often triples? Are you slurring or acting off. Will you be hungover?

Were you drinking from those huge fish bowl like glasses OP? Could that be what they are commenting on?

Your life, your choices as long as you aren’t driving 🍸

Lol no 😂 but I don't think I've ever heard a bloke taking "me time"

Do you mean he was so drunk he needed a lie down - possibly before drinking more at dinner?

Is that what you do for me time? I usually read a book or zone out watching tiktok.

I’m not a gin drinker, and I’m not on holiday, but I came home tonight with a bottle of vodka and now my DS (22) is as pissed as I am. I’d be furious if my child (any of them, I have more) were judging what I want to do on my day-off-eve let alone when I’m on holiday.

I have the type of relationship with my MIL that means she can fuck off with her opinion before she starts with it.

If you’re not drinking from when you wake up (my MIL), head butting people, have work tomorrow, cheating on your partner when in an advanced state of refreshment, drinking without abandon daily, turning into a cunt when drinking (again my MIL) then being a bit liberal when on holiday is not really an issue.

I think my concern over my MIL’s opinion is probably quite clear from my post but I’d be devastated if my child chose to back her bullshit up. Where is your DS’s concern coming from?