MIL drinking 'concern'

Late teens and early 20’s kids think they know it all and their parents are always embarrassing- so it doesn’t mean necessarily that this is a concerned child

The problem is that at OPs 'lovely family meal', at least two of the six people present had it impacted by OPs drinking. One refuses to stand up for her, and we don't know what the other two think.
As tempting as this is for people to make this an awful MiL thread, the fact OP thought it was 'lovely' doesn't indicate the MiL was a problem, until she inappropriately spoke her mind.
The fact that two people from opposite generations and with different relationships to the OP both expressed issues also indicates there may be some legitimacy to it.
Its obviously entirely up to OP how much she drinks. But some people's behaviour after drinking makes other people uncomfortable. And if they get sufficiently uncomfortable they start avoiding those social situations.
OP may not care if that's her in laws. But given she has a 20 year old son who still holidays with her, she may not want to risk that for the sake of drinking.

Seriously? Paying for a meal/holiday means you can act however you like?

Paying for something does not mean all those taking part have to suck up the behaviour of the payer.

I cannot understand the attitude of “I’ve paid for all of this, I can’t believe people are criticising me”.

None of us know if the OP is a drunken PITA and the Grandma and son are reasonably intervening or the OP is a perfectly reasonable woman having a few drinks on holiday and Grandma and son are being arsey.

But who paid for what doesn’t come into it.

It sounds like you drink sensibly then and I agree with your latter points. It’s good to have a few dry months in the year to regain the baseline which it’s so easy to have creep up. I wish I could drink like you do but sadly I can’t so I stick to 0, if OP is able to moderate like you do then she’s on to a good one!

Jeezo. Do not go on holiday with your mil (and possibly your ds) again. Problem solved. You want a drink, or 6, on holiday, go for it. Remember, MN now have you diagnosed as an alcoholic op..

Well, yes, the point I was making was that ‘on holiday’ many people do drink more and daily, whereas most of us only drink a few glasses of wine/beers a couple of days a week at most throughout the year. Over an evening with a meal. And no, I’m a not a binge drinker - max 3 units, usually only 1-2.

We don't actually know what or how OP drinks - though other threads by OP do suggest that the more than a few gins is a regular occurrence, at home as well as on holiday, with embarrassing associated behaviours, which has made her DS raise the issue previously. OP doesn’t say whether others were similarly drinking - the fact she avoids answering would suggest that she may have been the only one to have had more than one drink. It is likely that her 4 drinks, unless she measured them, were a minimum of 2 units, but possibly more (my DSis and I realised at Christmas we were generous bar tenders and that our G&Ts could easily have as much as 3-4 units in, so we now measure every drink with a jigger so that we can carefully note units, especially as spirits are often a pre or post meal drink, so processed differently as they are not taken with food).

I am inferring that in fact OP may actually be in denial about her drinking habits and the fact that they have crossed the line into unhealthy territory. I’d suggest she consider having a few dry days over this holiday and then try a few dry weeks when she gets home. If she struggles with that then at the very least she needs to acknowledge she has an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. DH and I do dry January and dry September (we know that our intake creeps up when the sun is shining and it’s BBQ season), but we also do the ‘never on a school night’ and even though we will have 6-7 units on occasion if having a meal, it is by no means the norm. If it is for OP, she needs to review. And the fact that her DS and MIL have raised the issue would suggest that the review is needed.

Late afternoon is, for me, about 4.30 or 5, and early evening would be 6 or 6.30
So that’s 4 g&ts, in quick succession, one every half hour, at least.

Unless you do that level of drinking spirits regularly, you must have been quite tipsy by the very beginning of the evening when everybody else was looking forward probably to a nice dinner together. So not a good look really for the others in your party.
And OP, that IS embarrassing to a 20 year old son, especially if you were slurring your words and a bit giddy with it or acting out of character.

As your MIL, I wouldn't have said anything at the time, as I know gin can make people defensive or looking for an argument, but I would certainly be a bit concerned and uncomfortable in her shoes. I would hope it was a one off rather than a pattern that was going to be repeated. Is that the case?

I think that for you to feel that you can drink as much as you like, because you are paying for the entire holiday for everybody including your MIL who dared to voice her concerns, then that will not serve you well in the long term.

Hope you can all enjoy the rest of your family holiday.

Drinking really is the root of lots of issues.
I just dont get it. Never missed it once when I stopped drinking when pregnant. So relieved to have found a DP who also doesnt drink.

While we were on hols last week the amount of people drunk leaving their children to their own devices in the day, when its their child's holiday too is absolutely disgraceful.

Appreciate your children are older now, your first post was like yeah ok 2 drinks, but then it turned to probably 4, in an afternoon and your husband is sleeping off his drinking upstairs. Sounds like a great holiday. Id be embarrassed if my parents had done this when I was with them too.

Woof woof.

Balance of probabilities on given information.

This might simply be a case of the OP and her DH like to really let their hair down on holiday and the MIL is not a drinker or a party person and finds it all a bit unseemly. Perhaps they just shouldn't go on holiday together. And of course whether this is acceptable or not depends on how old the DD is. If she's a child and they are in charge of her then both of them being visibly drunk by teatime isn't ideal...

@ThreadGuardDog
Perhaps because alcohol affects women more than men.
Women face a heightened vulnerability to alcohol-induced brain damage and related cognitive decline compared to men. 1, 2]
Young-onset vulnerability: Excessive drinking in mid-life puts women at a distinct risk for early-onset alcohol-related brain damage before age 65. 1]

Four single pub measures of gin wouldn't be enough to make most people noticeably drunk and embarrassing. You said four drinks is a lot. Four large (250ml) glasses of wine would be way worse. That would be 1 bottle plus 1/3 of a bottle and 3 x the number of units.

My inlaws (82) lead us astray on holiday by suggesting lunchtime wine.

But again, the ‘quite a bit of drinking’ doesn’t appear to be in an everyday setting, so doesn’t give an indication of how much OP drinks normally outside of ‘occasions’. Obviously we can only go on what OP tells us, but it would appear that DH drinks just as much as OP, but MiL doesn’t feel the need to comment.

4 G&T in 2 hours

Husband drunk upstairs

Son says you're embarrassing

I think MIL has a point

The million dollar question 😁

Were you drinking the rest of the noliday to? I think the factor your ds said something makes me wonder if there is more to this story than your saying. Are you mouthy with booze? Rude or annoying? Do you pick fights?

How much do you normally drink?

I remember that thread but I’m puzzled as to why you’ve posted it - is it in support of OP or her son ? Both threads deal with alcohol, but not in an everyday setting - the former was a girls’ night at Christmas, and this one is a holiday setting - most people l know drink more on holiday and at Christmas than they do normally, so it’s not really a fair comparison. OP could indeed have an alcohol problem that her son is embarrassed by, but he could just as easily be a judgemental fun sponge given the circumstances in both instances.

The issue isn’t with it being over the weekly amount as a one off. But over 6 units in one session is considered binge drinking which has its own negative effects. If you then waited until the next weekend and had another 6+ units (3 pints or 2 large wines) then that’s another binge and you’re technically in the classic binge drinkers cycle which is linked to long term organ damage and mental health issues

ONS data show males aged over 100 rose 50 per cent in a decade while females increased by only 17 per cent. This is driven in part by lower smoking and drinking alcohol rates.