How would you feel if your husband said this about your best friend

I agree with you, OP! The level of praise he lavished on your friend and the comment that every man would want to be with her clearly implies he would too....
A boyfriend once said to me, about a girl he'd seen on a night out (when I was at home in my bed and he was out with a mate, and then they came in and woke me up, and we ended up having this weird conversation) how they'd seen a girl so beautiful that "mothers don't give birth to anything so beautiful any more" (it sounds a bit clunky as it was in another language, but basically describing her as a one in a million beauty, I guess). I felt hurt and put down by comparison, because even if he did think that, what's the point of saying it to me, his girlfriend? How am I supposed to feel hearing that no one could compare to this extraordinary person?
Anyway, it was very satisfying when I dumped him and I never regretted it. My DP would never say something like that.

He fell into the classic trap of answering an attracitveness question on your partners friend. If he's too enthusiatic he makes partner insecure and jealous, and if he's too disimisive he also risks offending his partner.

Sounds like he was too honest and backpeddled. Should have stuck with a blanket middleground 'I'm sure she'll find someone, she's a nice person'.

I do think it was a bit of a set up question by you OP to test him. He failed.

You have asked him indirectly though. It was a setup question to see how he respond to questionmarks over her attractiveness. If you asked directly it comes across as you being jealous and insecure but by framing it as 'she hopes other people find her attractive' you get to see what his opinion of her is without it reflecting poorly on you.

You said years ago he gave another gushing opinion of her so perhaps this was your way of testing if he still held that view.

Tbf the never telling you he loves you is a big issue and a bit upsetting. Have you ever discussed that with him? If so how did he respond?

Jeezo, he sounds nice. Not nice enough to stay married to, but hey, you do you.

He sounds like an awful arse.
You deserve better.
You don't have to get over this if you don't want to.
It reads as if you haven't been happy for a while.

How horrible for you. It's the old thing of men marrying the woman available, when they're ready.
I'd have bolted after the first comment, because my ego couldn't stand it. I'm sorry you've spent so many years with a man who has never had any passion for you; especially if you've had any for him. Naturally it hurts when you realise he's capable of 'strong' feelings. 💐.

To play devils advocate, could he just be being supportive? is he friendly with her? My best friend got divorced 6 years ago and she was so down, and my husband said to me that she would be fine as she was wonderful and attractive and would find the right person no issue. She did and now has a new husband and 2 children with him.

I never took it to mean anything more than him being kind, which he is. He wasn’t and isn’t interested in her, but they get on very well when we are all together, and he loves her new husband - we hated the old one anyway!

is there anything that causes you to feel insecure about this, previous flirting/inappropriate behaviour? In my scenario I never batted an eyelid.

I can’t beleive people are pulling you apart over tthis. There some really unhappy people on here.

of course it’s not ok, of course he fancies your friend. Any man means him too. No way round that.

I couldn’t be with someone who fancied my friends. And I don’t think you’ve any intention of leaving. Even though you know he’s now,lying to get himself out of it.

just don’t make this her fault. I think saying it’s important to her people find her attractive and telling him she wanted casual sex is really bitchy thing to say and do.

I’m assuming this is your second marriage and no kids either with him as he’s 55? Or have I got that wrong

My ex used to say stuff like this. It’s like death of a thousand cuts. To him it’s nothing (although I definitely believe it was calculated to destroy my self esteem) but each time he’d tell me which of my friends (or sisters…) he’d like to fuck.

At best, your husband is a thoughtless wanker. At best he’s deliberately upsetting trying to wreck your self esteem. Make of that what you will but in my experience it doesn’t get any better.

He may not be consciously negging you OP - but he doesn't seem to show you much respect and care, by bigging your friends up as he has.

I wonder if his "issue" - whatever it is - is driving it subconsciously. He doesn't feel confident, so he needs to bring down your confidence a bit too?

Being compared unfavourably to your friends based on attractiveness is a really bad thing to do women - it really is near the top of the list of "things a husband should never to do to his wife." It must chip away at your self esteem and make you feel less desirable, which is a sad way for a marriage to be.

Your last post makes it sound almost competitive - "who is more attractive to the opposite sex, who could move on easiest?" - and I think his history of NOT complimenting you, but complimenting your friends - has chipped away at your self esteem. No surprise you feel gutted and crazy.

My slant is how could I be with someone so thick they vocalise this. I’m sure people think all sorts of stuff that could offend their partners. DH has never said anything like this about my mates.

He's handled that very clumsily. But if he is a bit clumsy and tactless in general, he'll really be on a hiding to nothing here when discussing the attractiveness of your friend. Says nice things about her, he fancies her more than you. Says ambivalent or negative things about her, he's being unkind and unsupportive.

Some blokes just don't have the emotional maturity, prudence and tact to navigate such a situation. Give him a pass and move on if he's otherwise a decent guy.

He literally admitted to your face that he settled for you. That’s not love or respect. he may love you as a wife but he doesn’t respect you as a woman. He’s insecure and is using you to make himself feel better by knocking your confidence. You’re the one who’s out of his league, and he knows it. That’s exactly why he feels the need to say things to you. He’s trying to make you believe you can’t do better when, in reality, he knows you can. I hope that makes sense.

As a PP said, some men marry the first woman they’re comfortable with when they’re ready. His comment years ago would hurt more tbh, saying he’d settled and would have preferred your mate if he’d seen her first! Sounds like he’s still thinking grass is greener. As a one off clumsy thing I might not worry but as a pattern that’s demoralising

:(

I understand why you’re upset, I would be too. He obviously meant it and is now doing damage control, which would have me really upset too. No need to add to that by gaslighting you that you’re being unreasonable. You’re not, it’s hurtful.