How would you feel if your husband said this about your best friend

Bloody hell he is a revolting specimen. Any partner who told me to "shut up" would be history - that tells me that he doesn't want to meet as equals and listen to you and understand you. He doesn't care what you think or how you feel.

😱 Oh my goodness, your last paragraph , sarcasm? I can't tell anymore 😁 who does this? If not sarcasm, this is the point of the thread - you are allowed to find other people attractive even more than your own,partner, but why tell them? 😭

if you insists on missing my point completely, I can't be bothered to explain it to you.
I was replying to a comment, but if you also want to take my post out of context, go for it.

Just tell your partner they are not allowed to ever mention that someone else than you is attractive, or god forbid more attractive 😂😂

What in the wild world does this have to do with the a conversation between a couple? No one is saying that other attractive people don't exist but a bunch of women discussing who is hot amongst their friends is sooo different to a man pretty much telling his partner that he finds her friends hot, but never telling her she is - please tell me you get the distinction?

The op has never said that!

Agree

I was pondering on what I (I'm a woman, not sure if that makes a difference) would say if someone said that to me, and I'd have probably said something like 'good for her'. I don't think I'd have mentioned looks at all!

@workshy46 I really feel for you, it's horrible to feel like a placeholder, and not quite good enough, because of what the person who is supposed to love you and want to build you up has done.

Exactly

Then you keep telling yourself that and keep blaming him for responding.....

I’ve read through every post, and I don’t think it’s just this last comment. This has woke up feelings you had from the first comment and now you’re questioning the whole time you’ve been with him.
it’s understandable and no it’s not going to go away, and you will drive yourself bats thinking about it, and to be honest it doesn’t matter what he now says, he has put it out there.
you have options, you can blow him up to your friend and let her take the mick.
you can throw your marriage away or try and forget what a dickhead he can be at times, and get in with life.
depends on what you can live with really. Bringing it repeatedly is going to make matters worse. Have that last word and let him know that it did upset you and it won’t be forgotten and he has some making up to do if you want to put aside.
otherwise from that, just let people know his opinions lately are off target so don’t bother asking his advice!

Yes, and that’s the hurt I personally think i’d never be able to come back from. Knowing he thinks he’s settled for me but has eyes on stalks for my mates.

The context is also important: OP’s H doesn’t tell her he loves her and / or finds her attractive. Yet has been effusive about the sexual allure of her close friend.

I heard similar from women...
Some very inappropriate when the subject of their discussion was a school teacher. and they were at the school gate.

I didn't translate that as them likely to be cheating any time soon, or even wanting to cheat. You can say that someone is attractive or the most attractive.

The comment made previously on the other hand, that I would have a problem with.

Yes as that makes it less hurtful for her.

A boyfriend (at age 18!) once said something similar about a friend of mine I introduced him to. That had he met her he’d have wanted to go out with her. An age / stage of life when many people find lots of people attractive, and the friend was beautiful and great.

I told a mutual friend what he’d said: she was incredulous and told him he was out of order to have said that to me 😆 He apologised.

Relationship eventually ended because boyfriend was unfaithful.

Why not play him at his own game & say something like 'Yeah xxx (your friend) is gorgeous she'd look great with xxx (one of his mates) He's so hot & I can imagine every girl who sees him fancies him. If only I was single....." see how he likes it

Don't engage in silly bit for tat comebacks. It's a waste of time and will just lead to arguments.

I feel like this has been a bit of a tipping point for you in the relationship.

I think you need to really think about and decide what you want next.

Given his reactions, youre not going to get a reasonable outcome to all of this. The reason he doesn't explain is because he doesn't want to incriminate himself and not because he doesn't know the answer.

Hes not interested in understanding how this has made you feel or preparing the relationship. He wants you to shut up because thats what is convenient to him.

Honestly OP, be very careful.
You are feeling confusion and think you are going mad because he is a manipulative liar and a nasty arsehole to boot.

Do not deny your gut which knows exactly what is going on here.

So does he. He is DARVO ing you because you have challenged him.

I am so sorry you are married to such a piece of shit.

Ignore the posters with comprehension and literacy issues that keep questioning you and trying to blame you for this.

Typical MN where the very worst of male behaviour is excused.

In your place I would stop all discussion.
It will get you nowhere with a manipulative liar.

Make your plans quietly and decide your future without engaging with his lies.

He has been a nasty prick for a long time.
Get some therapy.
You should never have moved forward with someone who told you that you were second best.

Start fucking some young hotter guys while you wait to separate. Just kidding but seriously, men. Unbelievable. I hope you can get out of this awful marriage soon. Can't believe he told you to shut up as well wtf

Or even better. Next time he says something say, "that's so funny, I was thinking the exact same thing. I'll have to let her know you said that."

Start casually mentioning how hot and fuckable his mates are. See how he likes it.

If he challenges you? "Oh, I thought it was ok, given how you talk about my friends."