I can't stand my new home

@WannabeWriter1988

Do you have a copy of the paperwork which you signed before your tenancy began, OP?

Oh here we go. It must be a man problem. 🙄

Sounds like your family wanted you closer and didn't care at all about your wishes or comfort. Sorry OP

They weren't independent people to ask

It sounds like you need to move eventually, but in the meantime you should do what you can with the garden. I live in a very urban environment, no garden beyond a small slab of concrete but I have plants and I get bees, butterflies, squirrels, spiders and foxes passing through. Do some research on what plants like shade. Do you have any window sills that get sun that could have some plants on? Or hanging baskets? Try to make it as homely as possible too.

You’re not silly OP - I could not live somewhere surrounded by concrete, people, noise and with no true darkness (if you’re bothered to do some research you’ll find it’s all a ridiculously unhealthy environment to live. Back before kids we once moved after less than 6 months from one side of corridor to the other cause one place had no boiler and the new one did and I hated being cold. I think your family just got overly enthusiastic at you moving close to them and were worried you won’t move if you don’t take it. I don’t think you need to rush though, take your time and look for a place that will truly work for you - be it close to your or your husband’s family.

There is no nature or nature noise

I recommend that you read a book called 'Losing Eden; by Lucy Jones. You don't need to read all of it, but I think you'll be able to relate to some of the studies in there which shows how much nature benefits us.

Your house clearly has plus points and bad points. The bad points make it sounds like it's soulless, bland place. I recommend getting 3A yellow ear plugs for when you need to sleep. Mine fall out often during the night but they are the most effective I've tried for the non-stop traffic outside.

Secondly, you need to introduce nature into your home. Try to get bare wooden furniture and lots of plants. If you're still miserable, then you might have to move eventually.

How small is small?

Acer trees love shade and protection from the wind so would be ideal.

I've got 2 in pots in my back yard.

Give it a bit of time but if you still feel miserable then you need to have a discussion with your family.

To be fair wildlife is somewhat quieter in this heatwave and you may find that the house has more advantages in the cooler months.
Birds will arrive if you put up bird feeders and a bird bath.
Youre not overrun with mice, rats, coakroaches or pharoh ants which is great.
Butterflies will waft through if you plant a buddliah bush . Also any herbal p!ants attract bees.
Things could get so much better after a while but make sure you tell your husband that youre not happy at the moment and the place feels souless so that he can be on the same page as you if you decide to move and look for a place that is less overlooked and less concrete.
Its always better to have a roof over your head than nothing. Maybe people thought your options were limited in the current housing shortage?

YANBU under circumstances, but I think you can also get used to it - it's just a shock moving from somewhere rural. People are able to live happily this way and maybe the best you can do for now is remind yourself it's not forever. Next move, don't be afraid to put yourself first.

They just came in force this year so really that was important. When did you move? Either of the landlords shoukd have let you know. Iirc you were supposed to get information sheet from your landlord on that.

Anyway. Now you know, read up and see how fast can you move. Because pots and lavender will not solve the issues.

Sounds awful, couldn't imagine living like that either.

Personally I wouldn't bother trying to sort plants for the garden. Put all your efforts into getting the hell out of there for your own sanity. Your family and friends don't have your best interests at heart, bet none of them live somewhere they hate.

Luckily you don"t have a mortgage? It is a much easier process to find better accommodation if you are renting.

I’ve always felt a little unsettled in my house since we moved here, not sure why as it had everything we wanted, ticked all the boxes. Maybe because we moved during Covid and weren’t allowed any visitors really took the shine off it.

Totally understand where you’re coming from.

We’ve completely renovated it to our taste throughout, but just something I can’t quite put my finger on about living here that doesn’t feel right!

I moved into a house I hated once. I cried when I saw it. I'll be honest, the feeling never left me and I really did try. I was there for 4 years. I wasn't happy until I moved out. The day I left was like a huge weight being lifted.

I'm not a "woo" person but I think sometimes you can just feel very unhappy in a particular house. In contrast, when I first entered my current home I felt light and happy! And, on paper, it's not a "perfect" house either.

I'd speak to your partner and tell him how unhappy you are. You're renting. You don't have to carry on living there. He might like the house but he may well like another house, that you also like! You both have to live there.

OP - I totally sympathise. To live somewhere you don't like is horrible, but to have had to move from somewhere you loved to a less pleasant place is really hard.

I don't know how old you are (I'm old!) but if you're young, try and see it as a very temporary situation and plan to move again in a year or two. I hope your partner respects your wishes and please ignore your family if they are dismissing your feelings. For those of us lucky enough to have a choice, where you live is absolutely fundamental to happiness. You have to feel good about it.

But that's not to say you can't deal with a couple of years where you have to grit your teeth and get on with it - we've all had to do that at some point. But don't let people bully you into staying forever.

I think maybe OP it's time to throw yourself into gardening if you haven't ever done that before. Was the nature all sort of just there ready-made for you at your previous house, so you didn't really need to do anything?

I think you could create some of it for yourself in your current surroundings, even if you also think about moving. I totally agree that you can plant things to attract wildlife - look at small courtyard gardens for inspiration. I've seen some amazingly densely planted tiny spaces that are really attractive to birds, bees, butterflies and so on. I love a previous poster's idea of a small water feature for sound, too.

Creating a garden may not give you back what you had before, but it can give you something that's beautiful for now and it will probably be a satisfying project to work on. And even if you then end up moving on you'll be able to take lots of it with you.

Sorry you are feeling this way OP. Life is too short to be miserable, living in a place you hate.

I think I would struggle too, having lived semi rural the past 18 years. I moved from an urban town in the south east to semi rural north west and often think about my terraced house, with my noisy neighbours and parking issues. That said, the town was decent and I had my family 5 minutes drive away. Here, I have no family, a good 25 walk to doctors and a few shops and supermarkets, but the town centre is quite run down. I can hop on a train and be In a city in 30 mins though. I love listening to the birds and watching the butterflies. Neighbours on both sides are okay. I’m waffling but, it’s all swings and roundabouts. I have cancer now, so peace and nature are very important to me. But when i was in my 30’s, this semi rural lifestyle would not have suited me one bit.

I hope you can find somewhere suitable to live going forward OP, it’s so important for our well-being. Being in a rental (hopefully) is an added advantage? In the meantime, you have had some great suggestions from the MN community.

Best of luck 🤞

Go on Pinterest and search “tiny concrete garden ideas”, some lovely things come up.

Presumably op your partner couldn’t just take on the house on his own and you needed to sign the contract too? I’m going to be blunt but you should’ve be more firm and not let people sway you, your gut was telling you it wasn’t right and now you’re living there it’s confirmed it. You need to speak to your partner and make some kind of agreement that you can move in the next few years, you do have my sympathy as clearly you’re unhappy but only you can change that.

Often on these move regret threads I think people just need to give it time, but here I think you need to find a home that has more space - one near a park for example that’s easy to escape into can make a huge difference to city living

and blackout blinds - poor sleep will make you feel much worse

I feel this OP. I recently moved from my home town of 40yrs. First 2 months I hated it. I cried most nights as it was so strange to me to not know my way around, to be in a strange house and a strange area.
But I started seeing the pros of where I moved to after a week 4.
Town center was 5min walk
big town center a 10min drive.
I had a drive, gardens back and front that get an abundance of wildlife and birds.
no joined on neighbours
The people are nicer round here.
Our old property was a terraced house. Over looked back and front. No privacy at all. Wedged between a couple who fought that much we nicked them Punch & Judy & a weed grower who's grow stank out DS bedroom out.
You could tun a photo of your garden / rooms through chatGPT or Dola and ask that for inspiration on how to make it more homely? I hope you start feeling better about it OP. Your feelings are valid don't pay no mind to them who tell you they don't x

Are you in the UK?
You say you haven’t moved since your 20s but you moved to this place ?

Yes, check the updated renter's rights act

I assumed you were mortaged!