I can't stand my new home

Well, to be fair, I've kind of worn the pants for the 35 years we've been together. I'm trying to let him do things he wants to do rather than always prioritising what I want to do. God, I sound a right 'mare, don't I? Anyway, I didn't realise quite how much I would hate living down here and I'm struggling to be gracious about it.
Sorry to highjack your thread, OP...

We second stepped from flat to 2 bed house - ended up in an awful 80s high density estate of terraced houses and flats with tiny gardens as that's all we could afford and I hated it. The awful loud tv/pot smoking neighbours made it worse and we are overlooked by concrete steps going into studio flats. I cried for weeks and wanted to return to our old flat that overlooks woodland and had so many birds and footpaths.

But we planted lots of height giving buddleia, bought a gazebo and blackout blinds for privacy and we have made a couples agreement to discuss moving once our 2 year fixed is up. The two years went quickly, now three have passed and we are looking for somewhere with more nature and less streetlights and concrete...and prying eyes.

What you're feeling is normal and natural, especially if nature, dark nights and quiet is your happy place as it is mine. Talk to your partner and make them understand the effect it's having on you, then make an agreement that if you haven't adjusted by a certain length of time - make a plan to move on.

It may be dystopian, but it's perfectly possible. The last rental house I had before buying, I couldn't see the sky. At all. Due to other buildings so close to my windows. It was depressing from day one.

Sadly, we need to be somewhere that DH can play petanque and go kayaking. I should have foreseen this but now he's so entrenched with all his boules and boating buddies, that getting him out of this godforsaken city will be a nightmare. But I will persevere... And if anyone knows of somewhere north of Birmingham that offers both petanque and kayaking, I'd be delighted to hear of it 😁

That isn't typical of the South East unless you're in London.

I'm in S.E ., which is pretty big ! No noisy roads nearby , loads of wide green spaces/parks , lots of beaches etc.

I can.
A friend moved into a new build and the garden is overlooked by neighbours on three sides. Tiny garden and very claustrophobic.
However she has planted some fast growing trees in pots, so by next year they’ll be 6 ft tall or more. She made a water feature in an old tin bath and has a frog and water lilies already.
OP - if you put stuff in pots, you can take them with you to the next place anyway!

You have upped sticks and moved near family who are telling you are silly and selfish not to like your new property when you were happy in your friendly rural setting.
You are not silly. If someone wanted me to move from this lovely friendly village I would be very unhappy indeed.

I guess the most important question is if the "ideal home" exists in the location you have moved to or will you need to move location as well as house?

One option is a lot less stressful than the other.

I'd start by confiding in my partner (if you haven't done so already) but go to them with a problem and a solution. I'd suggest giving yourself a year in the new place, do all the seasons and see if maybe the house is more appealing in the colder months? Maybe it's main feature for you @WannabeWriter1988 is it's 'cosiness' which you haven't yet had a chance to embrace? I'd also go ahead with the suggestions to improve the garden area and make it feel more outdoorsy [and attractive to wild life etc]

Once you have given it a good go then reassess.

OP. Go and have look at the Shelter website.It has loads of accurate information on renters/landlords rights and obligations.
All the pots and plants ideas are good ones...
If you are not tied to this place.
Can you drive around or go on local rental websites and find something less overlooked with a bit of garden?

You don't need the support from a crowd of relatives in order to do what YOU want to do!!!
The people telling you that you are being silly don't have to live there!!!
Have a heart to heart with your Dad since he was one of the people that "got it" and see if he can help you find something more suitable.

I would do my research first, come up with some workable solutions and only when I'd sold the idea to OH would I tell the relatives. They don't have to live there and they are not in charge of your life.. but its still nice to have a suppportive family around. That doesn't stop you from pursuing your own interests. You do not need their permission or agreement. Just do it.

Also. Let this be a lesson to you, to trust your own instincts more often. Other people are not always right. They probably just wanted you to be back home and nearby so much.... but you can still be nearby in a place youo actually enjoy living in. Even if its a train stop or bus ride away.

If you are very unhappy i think you should put your foot down and move.

I agree . I painted , decorated, spent a small fortune on a pergola and plants for the garden. And still hated the whole area so much. You could spend no end of money on large pots - which are so expensive- plus plants, water features etc etc. We were brave enough to admit we’d made a mistake. Surely if you’re renting it’s a case of one months notice and off you go ? Have a good think about what’s important to you first, drive around and see what you like. Trust your gut - this was one of the most important things I learned. We’d drive somewhere new, my husband would ask how did I feel, and I would be honest with myself. We found the right place and I now feel so relieved.

This is your home. Literally nothing could be more important than how it makes you feel.

I am sad that you say your own unhappiness is petty. I would not be able to live with no birds or wildlife.

You know humans evolved to feel better in green space ahd near bird song? You can look up the scientific research!

You seem strangely committed to downplaying the normal human wish to be happy in one's own environment

It's a very powerful feeling when you can identify making a mistake in life and take steps to undo it.

I'd hate what you describe and id move.

This is your home. Literally nothing could be more important than how it makes you feel.

It's a very powerful feeling when you can identify making a mistake in life and take steps to undo it.

I'd hate what you describe and id move.

Did you feel pressured to go ahead with the house because it was difficult to find somewhere?
I think I vetoed quite a few of these kind of places when we were looking where it was a good house but a bad location. Anywhere which was grey was an instant veto.
However, I think you should give it a bit longer it takes time even to adjust to a house you like. If it’s a private rental presumably it’s not a forever home?

The bastards are not around except occasional fly over, yet ONCE neighbours had open bin out in a morning and somehow there they were. 7 seagulls. How, will never know

I’ve visited the midlands a couple of times and i was surprised how built up it is. The first time I thought it was just the area I visited but having subsequently visited a different part of the midlands I have come to the conclusion it’s just like that. It’s not for me.

Seagulls would travel to be your best friend too.

I’ve had to stop putting out food for the birds due to furry visitors, which got into our cavity walls 😱

It's a rental, just move! I rented for a couple of decades and the moment I read your post one came to mind.

I absolutely hated it. The crazy thing was everyone who walked in went "oooohhh, check this out..." It looked nice initially, was gated, had a roof garden - but to live in was just horrible. My previous place had three of us crammed in on tiny couches, tiny rooms, everything looked old. But the reality was the old place had sturdy soundproof walls, it was in a redbrick complex amongst lovely green areas, the tiny couches were so comfortable, I loved living with my flatmates, my bedroom had loads of storage and was my haven, the shower was powerful, the place was snug, the area was great with brilliant boozers, gyms, restaurants around and there was a swimming pool in the complex.

The new place was soulless and crap. I tried so hard to warm to it and got nowhere. I was delighted to leave.

Time does heal that moving wound but I would say it sounds like you're living in too built up an area for your nature and need to at least compromise. Can you save a few years for a house with a better garden so it can feel more secluded?

I was the other way, moved from a tiny flat that looked over a busy pub garden, in front was a roundabout and main road and being London never ever went dark, sky was orange if anything. I moved to a super rural area for a few years and found the silence so menacing and lonely at first. I had park's on my doorstep in London and loved communal green spaces so although we had a wraparound huge garden and detached property, it wasn't dynamic enough for me, just lots of green.

With time I'm jot looking for a halfway point between those two ad I can't now go back to the bustle I previously enjoyed, shows how time can make things habitual!

I hear you op. I moved from a lovely house in a nice green town to an apartment in a city and I absolutely hate it. I feel like I’m in a prison and I can’t breathe. Horrible.

No because the small birds and ants come straightaway. I scatter seeds and nuts at the bottom of the garden for pigeons, squirrels and foxes. Only seen a rat twice in thirty years - once at the very bottom of the garden, and once in broad daylight feasting on ants from a nest it found in the middle of the lawn.