MIL dilemma on holiday

2 of my grandchildren were sleep trained. They were not left to cry but when soothed no eye contact was made. Just gentle stroking in the dark. They have never been neglected. After a very short time they slept so well and continue to sleep well as young children. They fall asleep within 10 minutes of going to bed, usually reading. Their cousins ( my other grandchildren) were not sleep trained and as young children they take much longer to go to sleep in the evening. This may just be a coincidence.
I don’t think a holiday is a good time to start but it may be the only time that both parents can operate as a team.
Years ago, when the NHS had more money, I mentioned to the health visitor that my 2 year old wouldn’t go to sleep and kept getting out of bed. The health visitor sent a child phycologist, who specialised in sleep, to my house. The advice was just to keep putting them back to bed with no soothing or eye contact. She said I would have 2 bad nights and then it would be fine. She said to start on Friday evening because my husband and I would not get much sleep for 2 nights. She was right. I had to put my child back to bed about 50 times the first night and about 30 times the next night. After that peace.

I'm not against sleep training but doing it on holiday isn't a good idea. Have you come home or did you just leave the hotel? Probably for the best if you've gone home to be honest.

IMO babies only cry when they want feeding, are thirsty, cold, hot, nappy change and pain. Can't stand all this sleep training BS.

I would not have been able to take it. I would have picked them up. I come from a massive family, if I hear a little one crying it’s because they need something like a cuddle, food or change.

Are you related through to your grandchild through your son or daughter?

not really relevant but I was emotionally neglected as a child I was the quiet shy reserved kid always trying my hardest to please as I learnt from my cot that screaming the house down got me nothing. I was never cuddled. So no for me a screaming baby is too much like my childhood.

Don’t have babies then

I find it interesting that this is framed as a MIL dilemma. Unless your child (I assume son) is not on holiday with you? Or he also disagrees with sleep training?

Can you not talk to your son about it?

You left the accommodation, or left the holiday?

I didn’t say that. I just challenged your viewpoint that anyone who finds the practice cruel does not understand or has not had bad sleepers.

Congratulations, another better person than me. Would you like your medal now?

Fwiw it prevented a MH inpatient referral so I am pretty satisfied that sleep training was for the best for everyone.

You're obviously a better pseron than me. Congratulations.

I agree with you. 20 mins is too long. How cruel.

If that choice prevents a parent having a mental breakdown and being unable to cope, it's a sensible choice.

I have one awful sleeper and one so so sleeper. My now 5 year old woke up every hour until he was two years old, then slowly increased to every 90 mins, etc. Now, it’s still 2-3 times a night.

My younger one wakes once or twice a night several times a week.

And I also work and have a very demanding job.

So I have walked in your shoes. Still didn’t sleep train. Still think it’s cruel and barbaric to teach your child you won’t respond to their needs.

I won’t judge you for doing what you believed you had to do (though do question how any mother can leave their child to cry and not respond), but I won’t accept that it’s the only way and that anyone who disagrees with sleep training hasn’t dealt with years of extreme sleep deprivation.

It's not something I'd 'agree' with for my own child, but it doesn't cross the line to abuse so I'd keep my opinions to myself if another parent was doing it.

There’s a huge difference between trying to sleep train a tiny baby and an older one. My first was still waking every hour to feed at around 14 months - two nights of sleep training and she slept through the night. With DC 2 and 3 I did it a bit earlier. Mine were EBF and we co slept for first 6 months or so. I think you are being unreasonable OP.

Totally this.

I used to do counting. Wake up first time count to 30 then gently and slowly stroke back of their neck few times. Next time count to 60, then 120 and so on repeat. Means they slowly get used to self soothing and were asleep before a gap of 20 minutes. That would have been hard even at home.

You have to tell yourself this because the stark truth is you weren't there for your child when they needed you, and were distraught. For multiple nights. Until they gave up expecting you to come and care for them, and went silent instead. Accepting that you put a child through that would be too much for any caring parent, so you have to tell yourself it wasn't cruel and that you did it because you had no other choice. You did, it just wasn't a choice you wanted to make. We are all tired. We just make different choices, and sleep training is not one that I, and plenty of other people, will ever be prepared to make.

It isn't. What is cruel is having to work full time on broken sleep and trying to function. What is cruel is haraguing mother's online for their choices that are best for the whole family. What is cruel is judging people when you have not walked a step in their shoes.

3 days of crying for a few minutes before sleep isn't cruel.

I am with you. I couldn’t listen to such cruelty either.

I think it's a bit cruel too. Babies don't have the capacity to understand sleep training, they just know that they want comfort and none is given to them.

Well it is cruel

I hate parents leaving their dc to cry. It would have made me very uncomfortable too.

Yeah you tell yourself that