MIL dilemma on holiday

Well I for one don't blame you, OP, I'd have done the same.

I sleep trained my daughter at 6 months old because she was still waking up several times a night and I was going back to work. I didn't leave her to cry alone though. She was sleeping in a next to me cot so I was with her the whole time. When she woke up I put my hand on her to let he know I was there, but I didn't pick her up. She cried for 2 hours that night, but 1 night is all it took. I couldn't believe it the next night when she slept through the whole night, to the point I had to check a few times she was still breathing. She has been an excellent sleeper ever since.
Sleep training does not have to be leaving the baby to cry it out all alone. I stayed with her the whole time and comforted her by putting my hand on her and talking to her. I just didn't pick her up.

Listening to someone neglect their child isn’t my idea of a good holiday 😢

They don’t learn to sleep simply by being ignored. That raises damaging stress hormones. They learn to regulate by you helping them to regulate.

I’m not saying all sleep training is wrong. If the sleep training is help to regulate then great. If it’s ’cry it out’ then it isn’t great.

Poor baby probs wasn't it learned if I cry no one comes to comfort me
Being in a strange place and leaving a baby to cry is not good parenting

As I said in my comment: parents need to make sure their babies needs are met and that the crying isn’t because they need to be fed, changed, etc.

Are you only on holiday with your child's partner and your grandchild? If not, I suggest you check your sexism. Also, how do you think your judging and storming out whilst the parents are undoubtedly sleep deprived and stressed to high heaven was going to help matters? I can guarantee those you left behind are 100% going to have a worse night now because of your actions, and the baby will be even more sleep deprived and miserable come the morning (as will the parents).

I'll just pop them back where they came from.

Preventing a MH inpatient referral was my priority, so I could be a good mum. 3 days of grizzling before sleep has harmed no one and helped my family beyond belief. I needed sleep.

Research concludes that letting babies cry for extended periods can cause long lasting trauma. Their nervous systems are wired for proximity to their primary carers. They cannot regulate themselves. Allowing a baby to cry (I’m not talking about if you are in the bathroom or away from them briefly) is cruel.

It’s very cruel.

I think people who don't sleep train are cruel. Children need sleep. It is vital for brain development, growth and so much more.
I think in the era of gentle parenting many people have forgotten that and it is a huge part of the reason we have seen a shocking decline in behaviour and well, normal child development in recent years.
Babies/Children need sleep as much as they need food and water.

When babies cry it's a form of communication and an unmet need. It could be because they are hungry, thirsty, wet, have a soiled nappy, dummy has fallen out, scared, in an unfamiliar place. Our job is to work out why they are crying. I think it's cruel to leave babies crying for 20 minutes.

Backed by science? I think it should be backed on instinct. I hate it when babies are left to cry for that long.

Sleep training can be ok in my book.

Sleep training on holiday is cruel and stupid.

I did 'sleep training' with DS when he was around two months old, after we moved to our new flat. Before that we were living in a studio flat and were co sleeping. Bottle, bath, and bedtime. I'd rock him to sleep and sing to him, put him in his cot and scarper. If he cried I'd go in and give him a cuddle, calm him down and pop him back in his cot, but that only happened a few times. He's been a good sleeper since then, barring the odd night because of teething, illness, heatwaves, and getting his leg stuck in his cot. It's very jarring hearing him cry as a toddler at night, so I definitely know something is up! The waking up crying because it was so hot was a few weeks ago and his leg getting stuck was last week.

These days he just shouts for me if he wants me (although he's not saying any words.)

I never left any of my children or grandchildren to cry. I don’t believe other mammals do, you wouldn’t see a cat leave a kitten to cry, she would go and get the kitten and carry it back close to her. Most mammals do this instinctively. I know we’re not cats, before anyone says something stupid like that, but from an evolutionary perspective I don’t think it’s normal not to collect, reassure and nurture a tiny infant when they are communicating in the only way they can.

Agree.

Surely you are DM as well as MIL.

yep. this. These people are idiotic, as is the mil. Glad she left instead of trying to interfere further.

This is wrong and not backed by science. Babies do cry for your stated reasons, they will also cry when they naturally wake or partially wake between sleep cycles, and not every awakening signals hunger, pain, or another unmet need.

The trick is making sure baby has their needs met/knowing your baby well enough to know why they are crying.

I think people sometimes forget that mum's sleep matters too. Chronic sleep deprivation isn't just being tired. t's linked to higher rates of postpartum depression and anxiety, poorer mental health, and even safety issues from sheer exhaustion.

We've had two very different experiences. With one child, we sleep trained once they were old enough. We'd make sure every need was met, put them to bed, when they cried we went in, give them a little pat on the back, say, "Mummy and Daddy love you," and would repeat. It took two nights. After that they slept through (apart from when they were ill or genuinely needed us). If they cried after that, we could usually tell the difference between them briefly waking between sleep cycles and actually needing our help.

Our other child was completely different. We had them on a consistent feeding and sleep routine from birth, and they started sleeping through on their own at just a few weeks old. No formal sleep training needed.

So I don't think there's one "right" way. Every child is different. But I do think parents should be able to choose an approach that works for their family without being made to feel guilty. A well-rested parent is a more patient, present parent, and that's good for children too.

What a strange reply.
Plenty of women are choosing not to have babies, why do you think the birth rate is declining. Childless women also get stick for that too.

I think it's cruel to keep children chronically sleep deprived. My DS was around 12 months old when we sleep trained and he went from a fairly cranky baby to a much happier baby in a couple of days, so either he thrived on neglect or he just needed to learn how to sleep better.

Lol - this has resurrected a long forgotten memory of my Mum telling me she couldn’t bear listening to my DD “cry it out” as a baby, conveniently forgetting that she used to tell us all the time that that’s what they did with us as babies 😂. (I didn’t cry it out as people on here understand it. I sat outside her room on the floor for ages; being her mother I knew what was a distressed cry and what was an overtired whining cry, the best remedy for which was sleep which she wouldn’t succumb to if I were in the room. My mum didn’t know the difference. DD had blossomed into a sleeping trooper who can put any teenager to shame now 😂)

I know a mum of 4 who saw nothing with saying she lit each of her babies down and switched on a white noise machine…in her room so she wouldn’t have to hear them cry 😭

Can you help me understand how this works - so you work in increments of 30 seconds up to 20 minutes before you stroke their neck?