MIL dilemma on holiday

If that’s what works for your family that’s obviously completely fine. There are lots of wonderful ways to comfort a toddler and provide security that do not include breastfeeding as well.

A toddler breastfeeding at night is mostly for comfort and security rather than hunger. Breastfeeding is so much more than just milk.

I would argue against that for older children. The primary purpose of breastfeeding is to provide nutrient and immune support to baby. A baby over the age of one should most certainly have those needs met during the day (in developed nations).

There are age appropriate ways to comfort, provide physical security and bond with babies and children.

If a three year old is actually wanting to nurse in the night then that means they aren’t being fed enough during the day and I would have some deep concerns about why the parents aren’t providing adequate food during the day.

Its mothers choice to breastfeed and to determine the length of breastfeeding and there shouldn’t be judgement there and breastfeeding older children should not come at the expense of providing food during the day and learning how to provide age appropriate emotional support.

I would argue against that for older children. The primary purpose of breastfeeding is to provide nutrient and immune support to baby. A baby over the age of one should most certainly have those needs met during the day (in developed nations).

There are age appropriate ways to comfort, provide physical security and bond with babies and children.

If a three year old is actually wanting to nurse in the night then that means they aren’t being fed enough during the day and I would have some deep concerns about why the parents aren’t providing adequate food during the day.

Its mothers choice to breastfeed and to determine the length of breastfeeding and there shouldn’t be judgement there and breastfeeding older children should not come at the expense of providing food during the day and learning how to provide age appropriate emotional support.

I was left down the end of the garden in a pram so that my parents didn't have to listen to me cry. I am now in my 60s and have had lifelong issues with attachment, and depression.

All of those saying being left to cry does no harm don't know what you are talking about.

I would argue against that for older children. The primary purpose of breastfeeding is to provide nutrient and immune support to baby. A baby over the age of one should most certainly have those needs met during the day (in developed nations).

There are age appropriate ways to comfort, provide physical security and bond with babies and children.

If a three year old is actually wanting to nurse in the night then that means they aren’t being fed enough during the day and I would have some deep concerns about why the parents aren’t providing adequate food during the day.

Its mothers choice to breastfeed and to determine the length of breastfeeding and there shouldn’t be judgement there and breastfeeding older children should not come at the expense of providing food during the day and learning how to provide age appropriate emotional support.

No it’s not. For clarity, I do not see “5 minutes of fussing” as necessarily a bad thing. And it is something most parents do-by the time you have heard a whimper, put down your knife and fork and got upstairs it has usually been around 5 minutes. What I AM saying is that any amount or level of crying is always characterised as “5 minutes of fussing” by sleep training proponents. In the same way that any sort of smack is always a “tap”.

I wouldn’t consult a doctor. Breastfeeding is much more than just milk, it provides emotional comfort, physical security, and deep bonding for a baby and toddler.

You’re message is a weak attempt at an educated argument. It would be akin to me saying that someone who rushes to their baby everytime they cry will produce a child who can’t leave their mothers side as an adult.

I would challenge that for babies born today in developed nations. Most fully breastfed babies will drop nighttime feds before 12 months. It’s the parents responsibility to make sure baby has reached their nutrient needs during daytime wake windows. If a 3 year needs to eat in the night, I would consult a doctor.

If you fully breastfeed,babies often still night feed up to age three. Babies sleep better if all their needs are met by being next to their mother.

God, it's like listening to a robot nanny.

This is the usual minimising. For the sleep training and controlled crying fans it’s always “5 minutes of fussing”. A bit like the people who believe in smacking always talk about “a little tap”……

1. Most 11 month olds understand object permanence.
2. Babies naturally wake between sleep cycles just as adults do (and most adults don’t remember waking between sleep cycles just as babies and small children don’t remember).
3. Healthy babies learn how to fall back asleep independently. Parents should know the difference between their child having a need that needs to be met/the child being sick and needing attention vs. Normal nighttime wakes between cycles.

No-I don’t assume that is what sleep training is like. I’ve been a parent and around other parents a long time. I have seen a lot of “five minutes of fussing”

Or it is actually their experience of sleep training their child.

You could say it's the usual dramatics of someone who has never actually done it assuming that sleep training = simply shutting the door and leaving a baby to cry for hours and hours.

When in reality, there are hundreds of different sleep training methods and controlled crying isn't the same as cry it out. Yet to people against it, every one who does it is a monster who of course only ever does the most extreme method.

This is the usual minimising. For the sleep training and controlled crying fans it’s always “5 minutes of fussing”. A bit like the people who believe in smacking always talk about “a little tap”……

Yes, babies historically slept close to their mothers. But we don't actually know that mothers/babies were sleeping well or that historical sleep patterns are the ideal model for families now. We also know that that historical infant mortality, maternal workloads, and family structures were very different.

Current evidence suggests that sleep training can improve sleep for both babies and parents without harming attachment.

Our Babies slept in our room for the first year, they were always close to us and once baby didn’t need feeding in night (which a healthy 11 month old shouldn’t need), we would wait to pick baby up when crying. If baby fussed for a few minutes and then went back to sleep we’d leave them. If baby kept crying and was distressed we would check on them.

Waking between sleep cycles is a normal part of sleep, we all do it. I don’t need my mother or husband to come comfort me every night when I wake up between cycles.

Pausing for five minutes before going to baby to see if the crying escalates or if baby drifts back to sleep isn’t going to make baby feel any less safe or comforted.

Sleeping outside in prams during the day was common in 60s/70s. Still common now in some countries

I was left down the end of the garden in a pram so that my parents didn't have to listen to me cry. I am now in my 60s and have had lifelong issues with attachment, and depression.

All of those saying being left to cry does no harm don't know what you are talking about.

Why do healthy babies need to learn to fall back asleep independently? For most of human history babies have slept close to their mothers.