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Original poster

Not to invite this child to the party?

142 replies

SunshineAndFizz · 02/08/2026 14:48

Up until now, all the kid’s birthday parties invited the full school class, but now they’re getting a bit older they’re starting to have girls-only or boys-only parties.

My daughter wants a girls-only party (inviting all girls in her class) to a ‘pamper party’ style party. The issue is that we have girl-boy twins in the class, and their mum won’t let the girl go to girls-only parties because her brother is excluded.

Should we have invited him as an exception?

I feel bad that the girl is missing out, but can only assume the boy will get invited to boys-only parties too, and it’s just the way things go when they’re getting older?

OP posts:
MaggiesShadow · 02/08/2026 16:31

SowWhatNow · 02/08/2026 16:25

@SunshineAndFizz I would respect your child's choice of who they want to invite.

The onky exception I would make in your situation is if the mum is a single mum so one twin can't come without the other.

Wait, why would that matter?

MaggiesShadow · 02/08/2026 16:30

You're probably going to get responses about gender and sexism blah blah blah.

Just a reminder that it's absolutely irrelevant to your actual question, which is whether or not to invite this girl.

Couldyounot · 02/08/2026 16:30

Twin parent here. This sort of nonsense as displayed by the mum does the rest of us no favours. Ours are both boys but even then they aren't some sort of gestalt entity.

Original poster
SunshineAndFizz · 02/08/2026 16:29

SowWhatNow · 02/08/2026 16:25

@SunshineAndFizz I would respect your child's choice of who they want to invite.

The onky exception I would make in your situation is if the mum is a single mum so one twin can't come without the other.

Not a single mum and the dad seems very hands on and does loads of the drop offs etc. so don’t think that’s the issue.

OP posts:
Pistachiocake · 02/08/2026 16:28

I'd just invite friends, because I don't want my daughter to feel she should only socialise with one sex, or feel that she should only be friends with girls, so she will invite who she likes, never just children of a particular group (and the same goes for my son). While she's young, I don't want her feeling she has to do "girly" things and she can do football parties, not princess ones, if that's what she likes. If when she's older, she only wants pink stuff, fine, but I remember people telling me I had to be in certain groups/do certain things and I'mnot carrying on that cycle.

Original poster
SunshineAndFizz · 02/08/2026 16:27

Lonulum · 02/08/2026 15:02

Yanbu. Invite the girl.
However if the boy also enjoys pamper things then it is a little odd to strictly say no boys. (If primary age under say y5?)
The mum is crazy though to not accept if they cant go together because not every kid will be friends with both even if both bb or gg. You cant control who other kids invite.

My dd is unfortunately friends with a boy and doesnt get invited to the other boy birthday parties. It is what it is. A little sexist but perhaps mine isnt as close to those boys.

The b/g divide is a little odd in some ways as suddenly they realise the are ‘supposed’ to be with their own sex. Even if their interests dont match eg boys and football and means the other boys dont accept them.
b/g twins its no different to if they were just b/ g siblings so need to try to make own friends.
Would she prevent the boy going to a football party and force them to invite the girl?

We’ve definitely not encouraged a b/g divide, as I mentioned above we have a son too so we’re always doing things together.

They’re turning 7 if it makes any difference? No idea if the twin boy would enjoy the pamper party (no reason not to) but it would also make me feel like we should be inviting other boys too that she does actually play with - and we have to draw the line somewhere. Plus girls-only is what she’s asked for.

OP posts:
BlueMum16 · 02/08/2026 16:26

This is for the mum to deal with

You invite exactly and only who DD wants.

If you were being nice, if you send cake home you could always add a piece for him. But definitely not a party invite.

Palomiino · 02/08/2026 16:25

DeftGoldHedgehog · 02/08/2026 14:50

Just invite the girl. The mum is ridiculous, but what can you do?

I agree.

SowWhatNow · 02/08/2026 16:25

@SunshineAndFizz I would respect your child's choice of who they want to invite.

The onky exception I would make in your situation is if the mum is a single mum so one twin can't come without the other.

MaggiesShadow · 02/08/2026 16:25

Give your child the party she wants. If the mum wants to spoil her daughter's fun that's not your problem.

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · 02/08/2026 16:23

That’s so weird. My brother and sister are twins and my mum realised they are actually separate people… so will probably have different friends. Just invite the girl - I would feel a bit bad though as she will possibly be the only girl in the class to miss out but unfortunately you can’t stop other payments from being nuts.

inkgirl · 02/08/2026 16:22

Invite her, state its girls only, be nice for her to do something independent of her brother. If she dosent turn up that's down to her mum not you.

LoyalGoldMentor · 02/08/2026 16:18

SunshineAndFizz · 02/08/2026 14:48

Up until now, all the kid’s birthday parties invited the full school class, but now they’re getting a bit older they’re starting to have girls-only or boys-only parties.

My daughter wants a girls-only party (inviting all girls in her class) to a ‘pamper party’ style party. The issue is that we have girl-boy twins in the class, and their mum won’t let the girl go to girls-only parties because her brother is excluded.

Should we have invited him as an exception?

I feel bad that the girl is missing out, but can only assume the boy will get invited to boys-only parties too, and it’s just the way things go when they’re getting older?

I'm a boy/girl twin mum. The twin mum will create nothing but problems for her kids. Invite the girl. Up to the mother then. In these kind of situations I would love the fact I got 1:1 time with the none party going twin!

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 02/08/2026 16:15

jeaux90 · 02/08/2026 16:14

This woman needs to work out that girls are allowed boundaries and that includes excluding her male child.

I agree

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 02/08/2026 16:15

SR50 · 02/08/2026 15:04

I never agreed with the idea of inviting the entire class. Why do people feel obligate to do that? Only the friends the child wants to invite should receive and invite. Just my feeling.

Because it’s really cruel to exclude just a few children from something they’ll all be talking about at school

jeaux90 · 02/08/2026 16:14

This woman needs to work out that girls are allowed boundaries and that includes excluding her male child.

nomas · 02/08/2026 16:12

YANBU. Don’t cater to this parent.

Is she the type who will turn up with both kids?

IronEverything · 02/08/2026 16:12

It's the mum's problem, not yours. By inviting him you risk setting an expectation for others to do the same.

Original poster
SunshineAndFizz · 02/08/2026 16:10

Wherethedogsits · 02/08/2026 15:44

What does your dd want?

She wants just the girls - she doesn’t dislike this boy, or any of the boys, in fact there’s some she plays with, but she’s decided herself that’s what she wants.

We’ve also got a son so DD is very used to doing things with him and we never say something is just for girls/boys and try to keep things open for all. But on this occasion (I think it’s just the trend starting in their class) she wants girls only.

OP posts:
SpottyDeckchair · 02/08/2026 16:09

As a Mum of B-G twins, that mother is daft. They need to do things alone, have their own friends, interests & identity.

Also, it's nice to occasionally have 1:1 time with the non party going child.

Stinkybooks · 02/08/2026 16:08

Invite the girl. If she doesnt get to attend thats really sad but its not your battle to fight.

AgnesMcDoo · 02/08/2026 16:05

You invite the girl and then it’s up to parents to decide whether to accept or not.

Wherethedogsits · 02/08/2026 15:44

What does your dd want?

Moonnstarz · 02/08/2026 15:43

No don't invite this boy. My daughter was friendly with the girl from a set of B/G twins and only ever invited the girl.
The mum is weird if she thinks they always have to go as a pair. Presumably it's drop and go, so no issue of childcare.

LejlaKapovic · 02/08/2026 15:40

SunshineAndFizz · 02/08/2026 14:48

Up until now, all the kid’s birthday parties invited the full school class, but now they’re getting a bit older they’re starting to have girls-only or boys-only parties.

My daughter wants a girls-only party (inviting all girls in her class) to a ‘pamper party’ style party. The issue is that we have girl-boy twins in the class, and their mum won’t let the girl go to girls-only parties because her brother is excluded.

Should we have invited him as an exception?

I feel bad that the girl is missing out, but can only assume the boy will get invited to boys-only parties too, and it’s just the way things go when they’re getting older?

Nope. Mum needs to learn that her twins are two separate people, and they can't go to everything as a package. It's her choice to exclude her daughter from the birthday party, not yours.