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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to invite this child to the party?

142 replies

SunshineAndFizz · 02/08/2026 14:48

Up until now, all the kid’s birthday parties invited the full school class, but now they’re getting a bit older they’re starting to have girls-only or boys-only parties.

My daughter wants a girls-only party (inviting all girls in her class) to a ‘pamper party’ style party. The issue is that we have girl-boy twins in the class, and their mum won’t let the girl go to girls-only parties because her brother is excluded.

Should we have invited him as an exception?

I feel bad that the girl is missing out, but can only assume the boy will get invited to boys-only parties too, and it’s just the way things go when they’re getting older?

OP posts:
DeftGoldHedgehog · 02/08/2026 14:50

Just invite the girl. The mum is ridiculous, but what can you do?

hugasaurus · 02/08/2026 14:51

I hate this stuff. They are separate people. How long is their mum going to carry this on? Why would he even want to come?!

StormInaDcup99 · 02/08/2026 14:52

The twin mum is a dick

mtobrokeme · 02/08/2026 14:53

Well, she doesn’t come then and her ridiculous mother can explain why!

StaySpicy · 02/08/2026 14:53

Agree with pp - invite the girl and it's up to the mum if she says no.

It's bizarre - twins are individuals. They're not always going to get exactly the same of everything as they grow up.

NotHisLastName · 02/08/2026 14:53

Not your circus.

You're having a girls party, end of.

Elmo230885 · 02/08/2026 14:53

This is 100% the Mum's problem. Invite the girl.

utahsainthood · 02/08/2026 14:55

Not your problem, I have BG twins and would never have done this - what a weirdo! Poor kids.

theneighboureatmysalad · 02/08/2026 14:58

Invite the girl.

If her mum is bonkers and wants her to miss out, it's on her. Of course you don't invite someone just to please the parents!

Bamboozledbylife · 02/08/2026 14:59

In ite the girls only. Then it's on the very ridiculous mum to spoil the fun for girl twin. Some people are honest just so entitled.

Arlanymor · 02/08/2026 14:59

The mum is being daft - maybe more situations like this will make her think twice about her ridiculous stance that disadvantages her own kids and put the parents of others in a difficult position.

Lonulum · 02/08/2026 15:02

Yanbu. Invite the girl.
However if the boy also enjoys pamper things then it is a little odd to strictly say no boys. (If primary age under say y5?)
The mum is crazy though to not accept if they cant go together because not every kid will be friends with both even if both bb or gg. You cant control who other kids invite.

My dd is unfortunately friends with a boy and doesnt get invited to the other boy birthday parties. It is what it is. A little sexist but perhaps mine isnt as close to those boys.

The b/g divide is a little odd in some ways as suddenly they realise the are ‘supposed’ to be with their own sex. Even if their interests dont match eg boys and football and means the other boys dont accept them.
b/g twins its no different to if they were just b/ g siblings so need to try to make own friends.
Would she prevent the boy going to a football party and force them to invite the girl?

SR50 · 02/08/2026 15:04

I never agreed with the idea of inviting the entire class. Why do people feel obligate to do that? Only the friends the child wants to invite should receive and invite. Just my feeling.

Bananacrepewithnuts · 02/08/2026 15:06

We have had similar on here before.

Don't invite both. There's no need.

X

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 02/08/2026 15:10

She is willing to let her daughter be excluded from an all girl party so her son doesn’t feel excluded (from an all girl party). I’m struggling to make that make sense but it’s her choice. Yanbu

SunnyRedSnail · 02/08/2026 15:27

I have B/G twins. The mum is being a dick. My twins are two separate people and get invited to different parties, even though they're in the same primary school class.

Invite the girl and if the mum won't let her come then I feel sorry for that girl.

SilverPink · 02/08/2026 15:39

God is she expecting them to go everywhere together holding hands when they’re teenagers 🤦‍♀️ She’s got a bit of a shock coming

LejlaKapovic · 02/08/2026 15:40

SunshineAndFizz · 02/08/2026 14:48

Up until now, all the kid’s birthday parties invited the full school class, but now they’re getting a bit older they’re starting to have girls-only or boys-only parties.

My daughter wants a girls-only party (inviting all girls in her class) to a ‘pamper party’ style party. The issue is that we have girl-boy twins in the class, and their mum won’t let the girl go to girls-only parties because her brother is excluded.

Should we have invited him as an exception?

I feel bad that the girl is missing out, but can only assume the boy will get invited to boys-only parties too, and it’s just the way things go when they’re getting older?

Nope. Mum needs to learn that her twins are two separate people, and they can't go to everything as a package. It's her choice to exclude her daughter from the birthday party, not yours.

Moonnstarz · 02/08/2026 15:43

No don't invite this boy. My daughter was friendly with the girl from a set of B/G twins and only ever invited the girl.
The mum is weird if she thinks they always have to go as a pair. Presumably it's drop and go, so no issue of childcare.

Wherethedogsits · 02/08/2026 15:44

What does your dd want?

AgnesMcDoo · 02/08/2026 16:05

You invite the girl and then it’s up to parents to decide whether to accept or not.

Stinkybooks · 02/08/2026 16:08

Invite the girl. If she doesnt get to attend thats really sad but its not your battle to fight.

SpottyDeckchair · 02/08/2026 16:09

As a Mum of B-G twins, that mother is daft. They need to do things alone, have their own friends, interests & identity.

Also, it's nice to occasionally have 1:1 time with the non party going child.

Original poster
SunshineAndFizz · 02/08/2026 16:10

Wherethedogsits · 02/08/2026 15:44

What does your dd want?

She wants just the girls - she doesn’t dislike this boy, or any of the boys, in fact there’s some she plays with, but she’s decided herself that’s what she wants.

We’ve also got a son so DD is very used to doing things with him and we never say something is just for girls/boys and try to keep things open for all. But on this occasion (I think it’s just the trend starting in their class) she wants girls only.

OP posts:
IronEverything · 02/08/2026 16:12

It's the mum's problem, not yours. By inviting him you risk setting an expectation for others to do the same.