AIBU to refuse a full early Christmas with young children?

I’m Childfree and wouldn’t like this, Santa comes once a year.

They decided to be away for the whole of December so will have to compromise.

Exactly
They chose this time to travel , they didn't suddenly think "Bloody Hell , I've just realised Christmas is on the 25th of December this year !"

They have made their choises , they don't get to dictate to you .

Under 5 is the time DC are really into Christmas . Once they are a bit older their friends will tell them it isn't real.,

A meal , some presents . "These are from Gran&Grandad"

I am a 100% Christmas Fan.
They are over stepping .

Very young children have no sense of time anyway so it shouldn't matter. If they are slightly older just tell them that FC knew grandparents for going away so came early for your party. Plenty of children have parties where FC comes and gives them a present such as parents work parties, etc and the children don't question it. They are too busy enjoying the presents.
It really whether you are on board. Christmas can be exhausting for parents so how much work are you willing to contribute to it.

I completely agree.

I have a roast, chocolates and watch a film/play games at least a couple of times a month.

The only difference is there are presents involved and the kids aren’t going to complain about that.

I would only exchange PIL gifts and not mention Father Christmas.

Nah, it's too confusing for the little ones - and it's too much like hard work! Pnce a year is enough. Putting up the tree? Goodness me! It's just them going on holiday, not someone who's terminal who won't make Xmas. I think they're being a bit much to be honest.

Why can they just not give the gifts to the children and say these are from them and they can have them early?

OP, could you give them the details for the Langham (or similar) and suggest that it would be lovely to take the children over the weekend they have mentioned?

Santa will be in London by then and they will enjoy taking the little ones to see him.

This way, they get the warm Christmassy feeling, with no need for you to do anything extra, such as cooking.

https://langhamlondon.christmas/

Where I'm from, Santa brings presents from just him. Relatives give their presents to the kids. The kids know that they're from grandparents etc.

Can you do that? I would still do your plan (which sounds lovely) but if the issue is the Santa Claus thing then it might be an idea?

Come off it: the “actual story”? I’m an atheist but even I know that only two gospels mention the birth of Jesus, only one mentions shepherds and none talk about a manger. It just wasn’t important for them because what mattered was his ministry and resurrection.

Where do they even mention a donkey at Jesus’s birth? And the wise men came much later, probably when everyone is back from their holidays.

It is a cultural festival, mostly.

How ridiculous of them.

Don’t go away over Christmas if it means that much to you.

I’d be saying a firm no to this. Your compromise sounds entirely reasonable.

They chose to book a cruise - they can’t have it both ways

Just to clarify they actually mean to replicate Christmas morning, so they’d stay the night before (which they would do when they’re visiting anyway) tell the kids it’s Christmas the next day, exchange gifts, make/have a Christmas dinner, play games eat chocolates, watch a film together.

I genuinely don’t see the issue, apart from telling the kids it’s Christmas.

Wake up.
Open presents.
Have a roast.
Play games, eat chocolates and watch a film.

Sounds like the perfect day and the kids would love it!!

Age of DC is critical. Under three they don’t have the expectation necessary for confusion to arise. 3-6 is peak FC belief and anticipation.

So if you can open gifts from them only, fine, they’re from them. Gets complicated if you involve gifts from you that you’d normally badge as from FC- and why would you be giving gifts in November anyway? You’d then have to give more in December!

Can you make it about advent and the start of the Christmas season? Give them advent calendars and make a thing of that?

Food & drink is a grown-up obsession, DC don’t care what special dinner, drinks or chocolates there are.

To me the other big issue is the tree. Surely you wouldn’t have a Christmas tree up in November? If it’s end of Nov could you make it your advent and tree decorating weekend? Do that on ‘celebration eve’?

Op if they are both under 5 it would be a hard no. It will confuse them far too much.
Something else to look out of is upset because they didn't get whatever they really wanted for Christmas.

I though my 4 year old understood the difference between his Birthday days before Christmas and Christmas but apparently not. It was tears and sobs 😭 because Santa didn't bring his hearts desire.

I'd say no to exchanging gifts in advance. Panto and dinner. Gifts need to wait.

I think it's fine as long as you are not expected to lie to your kids and tell them it's actaully Christmas. That would be kind of hard anyway as you will be celebrating with the in-laws and then out comes the advent caledars and you start counting down to Christmas. So they will have to be told that you are just doing this because the DGPs will be away for Christmas but they would love to do an extra Christmas with their DGCs.

This would irritate me quite a lot. We celebrate the Twelve Days and do something (often a party) for Twelfth Night - I also give a present to each of my children on Twelfth Night. The tree goes up on about 22 December but we only decorate it on 24 so it would annoy me a lot to have to do Christmas so early.

However, I think that 29 November is the start of Advent. Instead of saying that it is “Christmas” tomorrow, could you all tell the children that you are doing a special Advent this year because granny and grampie won’t be around? You could always go to church for an Advent service (if you would like that).

Oh, I get it now. The Canadians aren't going to do their Xmas exactly the way your inlaws want so you've been voluntold to make it happen at the end of Nov for them so they can go somewhere else for Xmas and still get the Xmas they want and you provide. Just tell them Xmas is Dec 25 and you're not going to lie to your kids that you're teaching not to lie and Baby Jesus is not happy about them wanting to lie about his 🎂.

You know this is weird.

I wonder if they are being a bit guilt tripped about being away? My parents were on a world cruise when DS was born, they booked before I was pregnant, it wouldn’t have crossed my mind that they should cancel.

They’re celebrating a huge event, much more important than one of many Christmasses. I would arrange to FaceTime them on a port day via the ship’s internet, and do present opening then. Doing a fake Christmas early sounds bonkers.

Depending on the ages and understanding of your kids of your kids I'd say "so granny and grandad are feeling a bit sad about away for Christmas. They've asked if we can have a pretend Christmas for them a month early. Yes it's weird, we know, but will you pretend with us?"

Under 5s might not understand that though. If so I'd not be having Father Christmas come a month early. They'll just have to miss out on that.

Just to clarify they actually mean to replicate Christmas morning, so they’d stay the night before (which they would do when they’re visiting anyway) tell the kids it’s Christmas the next day, exchange gifts, make/have a Christmas dinner, play games eat chocolates, watch a film together.

They'd stay at yours? So you'd host it all, make a massive roast, get all the food in etc?

No way I'd be doing that twice in a year. Once is enough and if they miss it that's their choice. They decided to go on a cruise.

I’m always baffled when people try to put logic around Father Christmas - just say it’s magic. The elves know GPs are going away so they are helping with Santa magic. The whole guff about gifts, different families do it differently because - magic. The gifts have come early because - magic.

I can’t imagine asking my dc to do this because I’ve chosen to go away.

We do a buffet together and exchange gifts in the run up to Christmas (usually Christmas Eve), we’ve always done it even when my dc were small.

The dgc know it’s not Christmas and that Father Christmas comes on Christmas Eve but that we have a pre Christmas celebration. Ours usually involves crafts and making things for the big day.

And Christmas dinner is just a roast, Buck’s Fizz can be drunk at anytime too. Why not have a different meat to that you are planning at Christmas and scale back sides too, I can prep a roast in 30 minutes max

I'm going against the grain here I think.

Sounds lovely to me. Just tell your DC that you're having an extra special Christmas for Nanny and Grandad as they're going away when it's the normal Christmas Day so all the presents will be from them. How lucky you are as Santa will still be coming to our house in December.

If they are both under 5 they will have a ball with all the presents and excitement. They are too young to overthink it and I think you are overthinking it all tbh. You won't be spoiling anything for them - they will still have a great time in December when Santa comes for real! Your love your PILs and these are the sort of days/memories that will be a comfort to you and DH once they're gone. Your DCs will not have Christmas ruined by this. They'll love it. Go for it and just enjoy the day.

You can’t replicate Christmas morning, you just can’t, let alone try to do that in November.

I agree. I live overseas and we have taken DC for an early Christmas with GP. We had crackers, party poppers and exchanged our gifts. Children knew it was not the “real” Father Christmas gifts. Remind GPs that children would remember their presents more clearly - not as all popped into a pile to be opened as a one.

You can’t be everywhere at the same time. I’m sure GPs will enjoy their trip.