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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to refuse a full early Christmas with young children?

308 replies

WarmHare · 02/08/2026 14:18

My in-laws want to celebrate Christmas early (28th/29th of November) due to them going away throughout December.

They brought this up last weekend & we tentatively agreed, however it’s now clear that we all misunderstood what “celebrate” meant.

They are wanting to replicate Christmas Day, my issue is we have very young children, who very much believe in Father Christmas, therefore I don’t want two Christmases confusing them & our second actually real Christmas having the shine taken off.

I offered a compromise of them coming over for the weekend, helping the children decorate the tree, we’ll go to the Pantomime (they start mid November here) then we’ll give them their gifts & have a curry, they really want to give the children & us our gifts & recreate Christmas morning.

As to not drip feed, some context points

DH thinks we should let them replicate Christmas.

They're cruising the first three weeks of December then having Christmas week in Canada, this has been planned & booked for 2 years, its for their 50th wedding anniversary.

We don’t always spend Christmas Day together so we’re not breaking any traditions.

They are lovely people & don’t usually ask much of us, so the guilty side of me is feeling bad

My DH checked that the reason they are being so insistent about early gifts isn’t because they’re are for things before Christmas i.e concert tickets etc, they’re not planning anything like that

So am I being unreasonable & we should just let them completely replicate Christmas or am I not being unreasonable & my compromise seems fair.

OP posts:
Millytante · 02/08/2026 16:31

lottiegarbanzo · 02/08/2026 16:11

Whatever the background, I do think they need to understand they can’t have their cake and eat it. The DCs’ experience is far, far more important than theirs. I’d expect any decent person to understand that - and to recognise that different families do things differently. You bring your own traditions, so your family is not a replica of their son’s childhood family.

If they don’t understand all of that, they’re not fundamentally decent people, so you don’t need to respect or tread so carefully around their preferences.

Imagine being willing to ruin a child’s Christmas for the sake of adult preferences. Ridiculous.

Crucially, they don’t need to understand why your traditions differ, or how exactly they work. They just need to believe you when you tell them what will and will not work in your household.

Well said indeed!

WhatNoRaisins · 02/08/2026 16:31

And I could understand it more if they'd been given weeks to live or something. It's a bit rich expecting you to put in this work, as much as Christmas with young kids is joyful it can also be exhausting managing their excitement, I wouldn't be happy to do this two times over.

Boreded · 02/08/2026 16:30

You’ve offered a fair compromise, if they were that bothered they should have booked a cruise at a different time

BasiliskStare · 02/08/2026 16:30

I would forgo the tree. You could perhaps do a Thanksgiving Dinner. (I know Canada do theirs in October but you could do a belated one for PiLs if their not going to get their big Christmas in Canada) ) and exchange the presents "because Granny and Grandad will be on holiday at Christmas" & the Pantomime if you want to . I think doing a whole pretend Christmas might spoil the real one. But that might be a festive day and you can have the Bucks Fizz / chocolates / watch a film etc.

Pessismistic · 02/08/2026 16:30

Hi op can’t you just explain to the kids that gp are on holiday at Christmas time and they want to do a pretend Christmas Day with the kids so it’s not really Christmas it just so nanny and grandad can pretend because they will not be here for the real Christmas.

godmum56 · 02/08/2026 16:26

Greenleavesandsunshine · 02/08/2026 16:24

It’s not too confusing it’s magic. You are adding the confusion, it’s magic.
Now the hard work is another thing. If they want it they can do it, cook, wrap, decorate. Happy to join in not happy to do extra work.

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this from me too. Which is why I asked what the OP's real deep down version was....I mean I don't think confusing the children is a flyer for a reason, as I said loads of families do two Christmasses for loads of reasons.

aqualibre55 · 02/08/2026 16:26

WarmHare · 02/08/2026 14:45

My initial understanding is what you’ve mentioned, a Christmassy day out, swap gifts (but not open) a nice meal… but they want to stop over, put the kids to bed & tell them “we’re having Christmas tomorrow” wake up and do a whole Christmas morning of opening gifts, have Buck’s Fizz, make a Christmas dinner…. Open the chocolates etc.

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NO

30DegreesHighAndRising · 02/08/2026 16:25

You may have had different responses if you'd explained in the OP that your children are so young , and their impression of Christmas is still being formed.

As an aside, at that age some children just open one present and play with it, rather than doing the big performance your Pil seem to expect. I've had unopened Christmas gifts into the new year at that young age, dc opening another in their own time.

Anyway, now is when you decide whether you want to prioritise Christmas for your children or for your Pil. You know what's best for your new family unit.

godmum56 · 02/08/2026 16:24

thepariscrimefiles · 02/08/2026 15:45

Probably because it's a lot of work and it might take the shine off the real Christmas Day for OP's small children. It could certainly confuse them.

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but that is YOUR answer, not the OP's

Greenleavesandsunshine · 02/08/2026 16:24

WarmHare · 02/08/2026 16:16

This is how I feel, it’s too confusing, too much effort for the food and decorations, I’m just torn as 99% they are not unreasonable people, so should I allow them this one indulgence….

Show quote history

It’s not too confusing it’s magic. You are adding the confusion, it’s magic.
Now the hard work is another thing. If they want it they can do it, cook, wrap, decorate. Happy to join in not happy to do extra work.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 02/08/2026 16:23

BIossomtoes · 02/08/2026 16:11

You missed it’s their Golden Wedding? Or are you suggesting that can be moved?

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They chose to book the trip.
They don't get to choose what other people do .

FlowerUser · 02/08/2026 16:23

I appreciate they rescheduled the cruise rather than planned it for December, but they have made a choice to be away. They don't get to have a fake Christmas just because they want one.

There is always 2027 as the children are still so young, and in any case, if they brought their children up not to believe, they shouldn't be pissed off if next year the children have grown out of the magic.

Have a nice day, open the presents, but don't do a whole Christmas.

MaggiesShadow · 02/08/2026 16:22

@WarmHare why should you be the only one backing down though? There are so many compromise options.

They chose to travel for Christmas as is their prerogative but that doesn't mean you need to do something you're not happy with. Their actions have consequences.

If DH wants to plan and throw an elaborate Christmas, let him. But I'll bet they're all expecting you to do most of the work for it!

I would put my foot down. Say this is what we can do "panto and tree decorating" "Christmas experience at X Place" "you can have the kids for a Christmas movie sleepover and give them their presents" whatever you decide is best. Tell them not to mention Santa Claus because he is ONLY coming on Christmas Eve.

If they don't like it, tough shit.

Newname26 · 02/08/2026 16:21

WarmHare · 02/08/2026 16:16

This is how I feel, it’s too confusing, too much effort for the food and decorations, I’m just torn as 99% they are not unreasonable people, so should I allow them this one indulgence….

Show quote history

They are indulging themselves on a cruise. They can wait until their return.

They could put gifts under their tree for their return. And have the whole family round together.
Then its them doing the hard work and its not taking the shine of your Christmas

HwalkingL · 02/08/2026 16:20

WarmHare · 02/08/2026 16:18

100% with you on the kids shouldn’t have to open gifts in front of the people who brought them, I fear we may be in the losing camp on this one though as most of MN feel differently.

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Because you have utterly exaggerated this!

no Santa, no stockings, no tree

just presents and a roast

and IF (they won’t) they say it’s Christmas the next day you just say granny if joking!

Original poster
WarmHare · 02/08/2026 16:18

WhatNoRaisins · 02/08/2026 16:15

I'd be up for a Christmas themed get together with a nice meal but not the attempt at replicating Christmas Eve with all that "it's Christmas tomorrow" stuff. No that's just going to confuse them and take the shine off the real Christmas day and create more work for you.

And for what it's worth I don't get the argument that they just have to see the kids open their presents. Since when did opening presents become a performance?

100% with you on the kids shouldn’t have to open gifts in front of the people who brought them, I fear we may be in the losing camp on this one though as most of MN feel differently.

OP posts:
UnintentionallyFabulous · 02/08/2026 16:17

I don’t see the issue.
We used to have two Christmases with the two sets of Grandparents and sometimes a third Christmas at home depending on my parents work schedule.
We always knew when the real Christmas Day was.

Original poster
WarmHare · 02/08/2026 16:16

Happyjoe · 02/08/2026 16:06

Nah, it's too confusing for the little ones - and it's too much like hard work! Pnce a year is enough. Putting up the tree? Goodness me! It's just them going on holiday, not someone who's terminal who won't make Xmas. I think they're being a bit much to be honest.

Why can they just not give the gifts to the children and say these are from them and they can have them early?

This is how I feel, it’s too confusing, too much effort for the food and decorations, I’m just torn as 99% they are not unreasonable people, so should I allow them this one indulgence….

OP posts:
WhatNoRaisins · 02/08/2026 16:15

I'd be up for a Christmas themed get together with a nice meal but not the attempt at replicating Christmas Eve with all that "it's Christmas tomorrow" stuff. No that's just going to confuse them and take the shine off the real Christmas day and create more work for you.

And for what it's worth I don't get the argument that they just have to see the kids open their presents. Since when did opening presents become a performance?

Jellycatspyjamas · 02/08/2026 16:12

I’d happily do a roast, let the kids open grandparents gifts, play board games, open chocolates - none of that is a big deal in fact minis the gifts that’s a pretty normal Sunday in winter at my house. You can tell the kids you’re having a bit of Christmas early for gran and grandad - no spoiled magic, no big effort.

Newname26 · 02/08/2026 16:12

SweetnsourNZ · 02/08/2026 16:07

Very young children have no sense of time anyway so it shouldn't matter. If they are slightly older just tell them that FC knew grandparents for going away so came early for your party. Plenty of children have parties where FC comes and gives them a present such as parents work parties, etc and the children don't question it. They are too busy enjoying the presents.
It really whether you are on board. Christmas can be exhausting for parents so how much work are you willing to contribute to it.

But what if the one present they really want isn't there, and its not going to be there for another month???

This could turn into a disaster of a day. I've got that T-shirt over a £20 toy. And a confused kid mixed up between Birthday and Christmas.

Parties and Santa visits are different because kids clock quickly the multiple Santa's and Santa's helpers.
Getting up on the morning to a bundle of gifts is too similar to Christmas morning that it can be confusing

lottiegarbanzo · 02/08/2026 16:11

Whatever the background, I do think they need to understand they can’t have their cake and eat it. The DCs’ experience is far, far more important than theirs. I’d expect any decent person to understand that - and to recognise that different families do things differently. You bring your own traditions, so your family is not a replica of their son’s childhood family.

If they don’t understand all of that, they’re not fundamentally decent people, so you don’t need to respect or tread so carefully around their preferences.

Imagine being willing to ruin a child’s Christmas for the sake of adult preferences. Ridiculous.

Crucially, they don’t need to understand why your traditions differ, or how exactly they work. They just need to believe you when you tell them what will and will not work in your household.

Pistachiocake · 02/08/2026 16:11

Now if it was one was ill/had family who were ill or had some emergency reason they couldn't join you 25/12, I'd have some sympathy. But they're CHOOSING to leave you all for a cruise. Their right, and if they're normally decent as you say, I wouldn't complain about it, but that's totally different to expecting you to change everything to suit them.
A few concessions-fine.
Everything-no.

BIossomtoes · 02/08/2026 16:11

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 02/08/2026 16:08

Exactly
They chose this time to travel , they didn't suddenly think "Bloody Hell , I've just realised Christmas is on the 25th of December this year !"

They have made their choises , they don't get to dictate to you .

Under 5 is the time DC are really into Christmas . Once they are a bit older their friends will tell them it isn't real.,

A meal , some presents . "These are from Gran&Grandad"

I am a 100% Christmas Fan.
They are over stepping .

Show quote history

You missed it’s their Golden Wedding? Or are you suggesting that can be moved?

HwalkingL · 02/08/2026 16:10

Absolutely storm in a teacup

They haven’t mentioned Father Christmas; decorating a tree; stockings etc

All they’ve said is to give gifts and have a roast. And the one odd suggestion that they tell the children that it’s Christmas the next morning… (I doubt they said this but hey ho) then so easily resolved by saying to the children “granny is joking!!! Look, no stockings!!”