AIBU to refuse a full early Christmas with young children?

Could one of them be dying and this is their last Christmas? That’s the only reasonable reason to ask this and even then…

if this was the case and if your children were young enough not to notice the rest of the world building up to actual Christmas then yes of course you should consider it. But if there in school/nursery then of course you couldn’t do it!

No I wouldn't be doing another Christmas day. Their decision to go away so they have to suck it up that they miss it. By all means have a nice day with them but don't pretend it's Christmas day.

we do an early Christmas every year with my MIL SIL and some other family members (in-laws) who live away.

we exchange gifts -adults so a secret Santa style gift exchange and then the kids are given gifts they know are from relatives that are there and then Christmas Day is Christmas Day with Father Christmas etc but I would not be doing the whole leaving the cookies main presents not on Christmas Day!

my kids are older - the oldest doesn’t even really believe anymore but I still wouldn’t do it!

I'd say we're having a special granny and grandad Christmas, and do meal / presents to and from them / fun family time. You can tell the kids they are lucky as this year they will get two Christmases. Put up the tree a week or two early. No biggie, as long as they're willing to help. It will be nice.

NO.

It's your children and your Christmas.

They have had their turn, they are now the grandparents.
They have chosen to go away.

I would have them round for a Christmas dinner (or their house), they can gift the children presents and if you adults buy each other exchange those gifts but I wouldn’t do more than that. Santa can come on the 24th as normal for the children’s gifts.

You also have kids who'll open everything looking for the one thing they really want. Leading to disappointment when its not there.

I wouldn't be doing an early Christmas, it's all a lot of hard work and disruption for young kids anyway, just once is enough. Your compromise sounds really lovely though the panto and tree decorating.

I think when people go away for Christmas they just have to accept that they've missed it and it doesn't need to be faked on another day. My mam has gone away for Christmas several of the last few years and she just gives gifts before or after, sometimes sees us open and sometimes doesn't.

As long as there’s no father Xmas in November, then it will be fine.

I was going to say this.

Who is doing all the work?

End of November is about the time when people are usually rushing around with school events and Christmas shopping and trying to organise things for the 25th.. Its such a busy time of year.

Now you are being asked to do all of this and "replicate" Christmas almost a month earlier.

It's nuts.

Also... why pretend. Its not for the kids benefit. A lovely pre Christmas get together with tree decorating and a panto sounds like more than enough.. without having to do any entire Christmas Dinner and do presents as well. A token present and then a post Cruise get together ( at their house!) to give the Chilren their presents ( or put them under the tree is more than enough).
Put your foot down or go on strike.

I don't understand why they need to do it at all. They shouldn't have booked to go away if it means that much to them.

You can do presents, without involving Father Christmas, who of course can only ever come on Christmas Eve.

As for a Christmas dinner, that’s really for the adults, isn’t it? I don’t think children usually get too worked up about the roast. Crackers always go down well, though - at least they always have with children in this family.

We always have a real tree, though, so I certainly wouldn’t want to put that up in November!

Having read all of your posts, I'd go with most of what they want. You've explained that they're normally pretty good people and that their holiday wasn't originally planned for these dates too.

The food part, I'd personally be okay with a curry, but, having said that, we do a roast most weekends, so doing one in November wouldn't be an issue.

Tree up, decorations and lights on, gifts exchanged and opened. Whichever food you decide on.

As for the gift thing, when my four were little Christmas day could be quite overwhelming with too many gifts to open. For a couple of years we would save all gifts for the 25th, but I quickly realised that the kids themselves appreciated the gifts more and weren't as overwhelmed if things were spread out a bit. So gifts from friends and inlaws, if given early, were opened at the time and the giver thanked. I do think most adults enjoy seeing the faces of kids opening their gifts too.

None of this took away from Christmas morning with stockings and Father Christmas as well as gifts from us. Even little ones knew which one the real Christmas was.

Be careful you don't set a precedence as they might start cruising every Xmas.

I would have a nice meal, do the decorating but no presents or you'll have kids bouncing up the wall for a month before Xmas#2.

nailed it. Which is why I asked twice what the OP's REAL issue is?

What’s wrong with them opening presents not on Christmas Day?

They can just open PIL presents.

There will be lots of instances in the future where Christmas and birthday presents are given on different days and it’s ok for them to open them there and then.

Most families have different christmases on different days if they are separated or visit different family members etc

Think about what your kids would want and they would absolutely love a mini Christmas.

Jeez, it’s specifically the cultural aspects I was on about, with no reflection of this or that Gospel text.
Maybe using ‘actual’ was misleading, as I didn't mean ‘literal historical fact’, but I meant just the details kids know about a crib such as they may have at school or see in town. (Like we know the tale of the siege of Troy). I included a donkey because of the sweet carol mostly, and little kids love donkeys.

I was careful to say there was no hint of anything theological in any of this; just the material trappings of a family Christmas with the Nativity story very much in
the character of an appealing fairy story for young kids.
(I too am a staunch atheist by the way, but I’d defend that story as a very good one for that purpose)

Even better and 100% true.

We’re a blended family and did 4 Xmases last year

it’s one day, it will be fine! Just tell the kids those specific presents came from granny/grandpa and father Xmas will be there with pressies on Xmas day.

I don't think that sounds too full on to be honest or massively confusing for the kids. Whatever their age you could just tell your the kids the truth, i.e. their grand parents want to celebrate Xmas because they won't be here on the actual Xmas day but then you'll do proper Xmas again on the 25th because that's when father Christmas actually comes to town. Even a toddler wouldn't find that confusing I think. It's like having a birthday party on a day different to your actual birthday.

It looks like they aren't asking for anything that absolutely has to be seasonal (i.e all the father Christmas, reindeer, elves, etc stuff) so I'd just go with it. I don't think it will take the shine off yours. Just as last year's Christmas won't take the shine off this year's Christmas.

Merry Christmas 🎄

We did family christmas (roast turkey, some gifts) as early as November some years as my aunt was a nurse (so worked christmas).

Father christmas obviously comes on the 24/12 though. It wasnt confusing that auntie wanted a nice day with us and to see us open what she bought us.

WHY?

I would be happy to offer Christmas activities, maybe make a thing of decorating the tree together on the Saturday? I would also be happy to do a special roast, crackers celebration on the Sunday. I wouldn’t be happy to call it Christmas to my children. If the grandparents want to give their gifts I’d bend the rule to let them. I would not be mentioning Father Christmas as part of this, he’s for Christmas Eve not November.

You love and appreciate them so I’d have a festive celebration but I wouldn’t call it Christmas.

This thread...People falling over themselves to maintain a hackneyed, silly lie of an old man bringing gifts that apparently is the true magic of Christmas – not the birth of Christ, not family and love and togetherness. No, just children who don’t really have a clue believing in sodding Father Christmas. I’m not a religious person, but I believe it is far more important, magical and Christmassy to do something lovely for your family that will make them happy, especially since these people are apparently lovely and not demanding usually, than it is for children to believe in FC. And these children are under 5 so it will be absolutely no issue anyway as they will go along with whatever you tell them if you do involve FC in this.

And the tone of some of these posts is something else – ‘hard no,’ ‘no way would I have that shit,’ ‘it’s their problem…’ Horrible. And these are people who believe strongly in the importance of the magic of Christmas apparently. I also really don’t like it when people use children being ‘confused’ or ‘upset,’ as a fake reason for things when actually it is the adult concerned who has the issue – fine to say no to things, but don’t hide behind children.

And fwiw, OP, I didn’t really ‘do’ FC with my dc and our Christmases are incredibly magical and feature a lot of traditions that, so far, they still insist on at the ages of 16 and 18 (last year). I think it’s very arrogant to assume that having spent one or two Christmases with you they now realise they were doing it wrong for years!

That is just ridiculous. They booked the cruise over Christmas. They miss Christmas with you - their choice. They don’t get to create work and confusion pretending otherwise.
Your suggestion is perfect.