AIBU to refuse a full early Christmas with young children?

I've swung round to YABU, sorry OP (I originally voted YANBU!). You sound like a very kind person and your in laws sound lovely as well.

• I think even tiny children can understand a message like 'This isn't real Christmas, this is Early Christmas for Gma and Gpa this year. We'll still have real Christmas next month.'
• I have on several occasions cooked two Xmas dinners owing to two sets of relatives visiting or whatever. If the in laws are willing to help, and it sounds like they are, then it needn't be excruciating. They may even be fine with curry - just include Xmas crackers and it will be fine.
• Have everyone help put up the Xmas tree on the evening they arrive.
• Exchange presents on fake Xmas morning with the in laws and open them - it's not a performance! Grandparents love to see this joy when grandchildren are tiny. Enjoy the day, but keep it a bit down scale from normal Xmas and presents are only to and from the grandparents.
• Father Christmas will NOT be visiting - no stockings, no main present from FC or whatever your tradition. This is non-negotiable.
• Head out to the Pantomime in the afternoon.
• Hope it goes well!

Did they not consider they'd miss Christmas if they went away, er over Christmas? Why have you to then change your plans? Bloody bonkers for me. You go on holiday over Christmas then you miss Christmas. That's the deal surely? So many main character red flags here OP. You do you with your lovely kids. They did them when they booked their holiday.

Absolutely this

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I would do this OP. Tell your DCs it's a pretend Christmas day for nanna and grandad and make it into a bit of a game for them. I agree that pretending it's Christmas day in November could be confusing for your DC, and if they mention it at nursery or school they'll be told they are wrong by their friends and teachers / nursery staff.

Just what I was going to say.

They want to have their cake and eat it. Their choice to be away for Christmas so tough, they miss it.
Your compromise sounds generous.

They can make special memories after Christmas on their return?
Why take shine of Christmas?

Grandparents wont be around forever.
As long as the kids know that the gifts are from their grandparents and not from Santa I can't see the harm in it. They won't be around forever to make special memories.

Way too confusing when they’re so young and still believe. I think your compromise is absolutely perfect.

I don't think anyone is a complete hard no. Most are up for some sort of Christmas celebration but exchanging gifts a month early is a big no from me.

I have already had a young child upset because they were confused between Birthday and Christmas. A extra Christmas a month early is just going to confuse more.

I think given the age of your children. And the lack of usual tradition your point is reasonable

Beyond thay they arent missing christmas because it cant be avoided.. they booked a holiday for it. They could have gone whenever, they chose christmas.

Good point about the real Christmas tree.

My compromise would be
✅ Christmas roast dinner (only if all of the work doesn’t fall on you, OP)
✅ Opening gifts to/from Granny & Grandpa
✅ Chocolate (who would ever say no to chocolate? Madness)
❌ Telling them “it’s Christmas Day!”

If I were I this situation, I would frame it as “Granny & Grandpa are away on Christmas Day, so we’re doing a special mini-Christmas with them in advance—aren’t we lucky?” But only if all of the work doesn’t fall on you. And they don’t try to lie about the date, as this would be confusing AF for children.

It's not confusing to have Early Granny Christmas with them because "poor Granny and Grandad won't be near you for proper Christmas."

Lots of families who have members abroad or working on rigs or in the navy etc have "extra" Christmases.

DC used to have Little Christmas with in-laws and Big Christmas on the 25th and it caused no bother.

Father Christmas only comes for Big Christmas.

So you don’t do Father Christmas at all?

We don’t lie to our child. Telling them the wrong date is not acceptable, even if they are young and won’t know you are lying.

the ils need to agree to a general holiday celebration, not pretending it is the actual day.

If you mean have a Christmas dinner with crackers etc and then exchange and open presents I don't see the issue. We've done this before and it hasn't been confusing for the children. They know it's not really Christmas it's just an early Christmas celebration.

In your situation, I'd be happy to have a pre-Christmas Day celebration with your in-laws - cook a Christmas dinner, put up a Christmas tree (mine would be up already, thanks to adult DD who adores Christmas), exchange and open presents etc. And I'm happy to eat chocolates any day of the year. But I wouldn't be happy pretending that it's actually Christmas. I think that might be confusing for your DC. If they attend a creche or pre-school, is there a danger that they'd go into the creche/pre-school on the Monday morning, telling everyone about Santa's visit and how they got presents from Santa etc.? Which would potentially confuse the other kids also.

If your kids are old enough to understand (they might not be), I would just say that you're having a special Christmas party with Granny and Grandad, because they'll be going on a big boat for their holidays at Christmas and won't be around. That said, I also like your suggestion of a panto and curry.

We've done Christmas Day re-runs after / before the event with grandparents, but only did stocking on the actual day.

All these hard NOs aren’t really in the spirit of Christmas are they?

I wouldn't do it, and I don't think you'd be unreasonable to just say no, it doesn't work for you.

They get to have the Christmas / December they want (3 week cruise, Canada, etc) ... you shouldn't have to go out of your way to throw them a second Christmas a month early at your end because they'll miss one with you this year. That was their choice when they made their travel plans. Tell them you'll happily do a video call on the day if they want, but you'll not be 'having Christmas in November' and all the ridiculous works that goes with it. Nor will you be confusing your young children with it.

Just say no. Better yet, make your husband say No.

It won't confuse them. They are under 5. We had extra Christmases with family over the years when my DC were young and we even 'asked Santa' to come a few days later than 25th December in order to have a day with us all together.

Let's not forget that we are telling our DC that a big jolly man in a red coat comes down the chimney to deliver presents! That doesn't seem to confuse them. They will just go with it and have the best time.

Could you book into a pub for a Christmas lunch with crackers etc? That way no-one has any work to do for the occasion, and it's really no different to a work Christmas event or a Christmas get together with friends?

They chose to go away for Christmas. They need to get over it.