Page 4 | AIBU to refuse a full early Christmas with young children?

WarmHare · 2026-08-02T13:18:43+00:00

My in-laws want to celebrate Christmas early (28th/29th of November) due to them going away throughout December. They brought this up last weekend & we tentatively agreed, however it’s now clear that we all misunderstood what “celebrate” meant. They are wanting to replicate Christmas Day, my issue is we have very young children, who very much believe in Father Christmas, therefore I don’t want two Christmases confusing them & our second actually real Christmas having the shine taken off. I offered a compromise of them coming over for the weekend, helping the children decorate the tree, we’ll go to the Pantomime (they start mid November here) then we’ll give them their gifts & have a curry, they really want to give the children & us our gifts & recreate Christmas morning. As to not drip feed, some context points DH thinks we should let them replicate Christmas. They're cruising the first three weeks of December then having Christmas week in Canada, this has been planned & booked for 2 years, its for their 50th wedding anniversary. We don’t always spend Christmas Day together so we’re not breaking any traditions. They are lovely people & don’t usually ask much of us, so the guilty side of me is feeling bad My DH checked that the reason they are being so insistent about early gifts isn’t because they’re are for things before Christmas i.e concert tickets etc, they’re not planning anything like that So am I being unreasonable & we should just let them completely replicate Christmas or am I not being unreasonable & my compromise seems fair.

IJustMight · 02/08/2026 20:40

Greenleavesandsunshine · 02/08/2026 17:33

All these hard NOs aren’t really in the spirit of Christmas are they?

I think the point is, November isn't Christmas. Nobody is dying here. Nobody is knowingly facing their last Christmas and might not make it. No. A couple of grown ups have booked the entire month of December to travel and holiday elsewhere, including Christmas, but want a young family put themselves out to throw them an early Christmas on top of it because 'they' don't want to miss out. Not the young family missing out; the grown ups who made a choice to spend the holidays elsewhere.

it's really not the OP's problem to solve for them.

Mathair2 · 02/08/2026 20:38

We had Christmas in July once for family members who live abroad. 4 children attended, all of Santa age, 3 below the age of 4. We did the full present exchange, full Christmas dinner, there were Christmas decorations up... there was no confusion with any of the kids. They just got on with it to be honest. I wouldn't be doing Santa presents but see absolutely no problem with the rest of it!

WinterBlues26 · 02/08/2026 20:23

we say all the gifts Christmas morning are from FC… my DH did not grow up like this, and truthfully he’s not traumatised from it,

I've only read your posts since I posted but you could start doing half and half. I grew up in a household where some gifts were from Santa (just a couple each) and the rest were from family and friends (and pets). Two Santa gifts seem more magical than twenty imo.

Original poster

WarmHare · 02/08/2026 20:17

Sorry for not replying to everyone, but just an update to some of the further replies.

I’m going to stick to my initial plan (tree up & panto) I’ll retreat on the not opening of gifts & the curry, the gifts will be fine, not really sure why I said we’d just exchange not open, the curry was with them in mind as we usually all meet up for one on the 22nd/23rd of December but given they won’t be having a traditional Christmas Dinner in Canada I’m happy to throw one together.

Re the cruise/Canada, as mentioned the cruise was moved due to illness over 18 months ago, which resulted in where they where embarking from changing, because of this they felt it was serendipitous as they were somewhat closer to Canada, my MIL hasn’t seen some of her family in 15 years.

I showed my husband the thread he would like to make it known to the ladies of MN that’s he’s the chef of the house, chief gift wrapper & the lackey when it comes to Christmas decorating (tree down/lights up man) 😂 so if we did (we’re not) do the fake Christmas he would be pulling his weight.

A few people are torn between YABU & YANBU based on the fact that my in-laws aren’t usually demanding & are truly lovely, I guess that’s why I posted on MN really as I do feel a tad guilty not indulging them.

I think I’ve sparked a bit of debate over when to tell children about FC, how gifts are given/labeled/opened & what makes Christmas magical, we currently go the whole hog, we do advents, FC visits, fake snow foot prints in the hallway etc, we say all the gifts Christmas morning are from FC… my DH did not grow up like this, and truthfully he’s not traumatised from it, so I really don’t think how you do Christmas is that big of a deal in the future but right now for us, we’ll do Christmassy days with friends & family but no fake Christmas’s.

OP posts:

godmum56 · 02/08/2026 20:16

Yetone · 02/08/2026 20:07

Well unlike the real Christmas, you don’t get time off work to get your house straight again after visitors and a big event and meal.

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but again, the OP hasn't said anything about "I can do it if"

Yetone · 02/08/2026 20:07

godmum56 · 02/08/2026 20:00

I don't think they are insisting and of course the OP can say no. I just do wonder why the OP is so triggered by it given that she says she loves and gets on well with her IL's. The reasons that she has given......well I don't know.....

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Well unlike the real Christmas, you don’t get time off work to get your house straight again after visitors and a big event and meal.

EllaVanerve · 02/08/2026 20:06

Your compromise sounds fine.
I don't see an issue with gift swapping or a roast but I'd do both at a carvery for lunch pre panto pending times.
And I'd call it Advent weekend and get a candle thing ready and leave Santa out of it entirely xx

godmum56 · 02/08/2026 20:00

Pennyfan · 02/08/2026 19:57

Because she doesn’t actually want to do it. Tbh, I couldn’t imagine doing that to my son and DIL. Booking a holiday over Christmas then railroading them into having a pretend one, dismissing their objections and insisting they do it my way at their house-when I’d been the one to book a trip! Why is it that we have to accommodate unreasonable and smile and say it doesn’t matter?

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I don't think they are insisting and of course the OP can say no. I just do wonder why the OP is so triggered by it given that she says she loves and gets on well with her IL's. The reasons that she has given......well I don't know.....

BIossomtoes · 02/08/2026 20:00

Pennyfan · 02/08/2026 19:57

Because she doesn’t actually want to do it. Tbh, I couldn’t imagine doing that to my son and DIL. Booking a holiday over Christmas then railroading them into having a pretend one, dismissing their objections and insisting they do it my way at their house-when I’d been the one to book a trip! Why is it that we have to accommodate unreasonable and smile and say it doesn’t matter?

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But her husband does want to do it.

Pennyfan · 02/08/2026 19:57

godmum56 · 02/08/2026 19:53

why will its be "secondary"? And what will be wrong with saying "once and once only"?

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Because she doesn’t actually want to do it. Tbh, I couldn’t imagine doing that to my son and DIL. Booking a holiday over Christmas then railroading them into having a pretend one, dismissing their objections and insisting they do it my way at their house-when I’d been the one to book a trip! Why is it that we have to accommodate unreasonable and smile and say it doesn’t matter?

godmum56 · 02/08/2026 19:53

Orders76 · 02/08/2026 19:48

I wouldn't be ok with that. You ruin Christmas by splitting into an early grandparents one and secondary parents one this time, and what's to say that couldn't happen every year.
In order to make sure I wasn't railroaded I wouldn't even be doing the stay over, the pantomime with a lovely evening meal out altogether and gifts is more than enough.

why will its be "secondary"? And what will be wrong with saying "once and once only"?

godmum56 · 02/08/2026 19:52

Yetone · 02/08/2026 19:39

But it is an awful lot to ask:
Full dinner - the one in December will not be so exciting
Tree and decorations up. Who wants decorations up so early. They will be fed up with them by Christmas. The tree will be dead.

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fake tree, minimal decs, both wizzed up and down by husband. OP has already said that inlaws will pay for/order dinner in. 2 roast dinners two months apart???? who will be that bothered?

Orders76 · 02/08/2026 19:48

I wouldn't be ok with that. You ruin Christmas by splitting into an early grandparents one and secondary parents one this time, and what's to say that couldn't happen every year.
In order to make sure I wasn't railroaded I wouldn't even be doing the stay over, the pantomime with a lovely evening meal out altogether and gifts is more than enough.

AnnDroidAnnDroid · 02/08/2026 19:47

WarmHare · 02/08/2026 14:45

My initial understanding is what you’ve mentioned, a Christmassy day out, swap gifts (but not open) a nice meal… but they want to stop over, put the kids to bed & tell them “we’re having Christmas tomorrow” wake up and do a whole Christmas morning of opening gifts, have Buck’s Fizz, make a Christmas dinner…. Open the chocolates etc.

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No, I wouldn’t do that. Christmas is one special day a year, it would ruin it for me doing all that before the season has started properly. Tell them they can come over for a meal, watch the panto etc but you’re not doing all the hard work and winding the children up of Christmas twice over.

Yetone · 02/08/2026 19:46

If the ILs want this full Christmas in November couldn’t they do/host it at their house?

Ferrissia · 02/08/2026 19:41

WarmHare · 02/08/2026 15:23

I deeply love them, in many aspects my FIL is far better father than my own, hence why I feel guilty over this topic.

They want to do the full Christmas Day, we didn’t go into details about cooking, but I think they would offer to either pay for the food order or cook/help prepare it.

I wouldn’t usually decorate at the end of November, as I’m a bit of a scrouge & can’t wait to tidy them away.

Im keeping my children’s ages private, but they are both below 5

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In this case, I would bend for them OP. It sounds like you are willing to take on the extra work for them. If they were asking for something that genuinely disadvantaged your kids that would be different, but put yourself in their little shoes - how upset do you think they'll be when you announce that this year they get two christmases!

I think you might just be being a bit rigid and literal about definitions - I'm sure if you think about it with an open heart you'll see that this can be done without spoiling any magic, and it will bring great joy to those you love.

I mean, if you are into the magic of christmas - this opporutnity is kind of a gift from the universe for you OP (Merry Christmas :-))

WhatNoRaisins · 02/08/2026 19:40

I could see how it might work for older kids or teens. Nan and Grandad are here for the weekend before their cruise so we're going to pretend it's Christmas Day for tomorrow or something. I personally wouldn't want to do this with kids as young as this and I think OP is best to judge how her kids would take it.

Yetone · 02/08/2026 19:39

godmum56 · 02/08/2026 19:35

oh sorry, that would be confusing....but I stil think the rest would be ok.

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But it is an awful lot to ask:
Full dinner - the one in December will not be so exciting
Tree and decorations up. Who wants decorations up so early. They will be fed up with them by Christmas. The tree will be dead.

Pennyfan · 02/08/2026 19:36

At the end of the day, Father Christmas is a big fat lie anyway but I’d still be bemused by the in laws wanting to pretend it’s actually Christmas Day because they’ve booked a holiday. Tell them nicely but firmly that you’ll do nice Christmassy things and all have a nice time but their pretend idea isn’t happening. It’s totally weird.

godmum56 · 02/08/2026 19:35

Yetone · 02/08/2026 19:33

She said that they want to say to the kids the night before that it is Christmas tomorrow.
OPs post 14:42

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oh sorry, that would be confusing....but I stil think the rest would be ok.

godmum56 · 02/08/2026 19:34

WhatNoRaisins · 02/08/2026 19:32

I think it's the "we're having Christmas tomorrow" that they want to tell them the night before that's the lie.

I didn't see that....I think I'd give the children extra advance notice and say its A christmas for nanny and grandad

Yetone · 02/08/2026 19:33

godmum56 · 02/08/2026 19:24

I can't see anywhere where the op has said that her inlaws want to lie to the children?

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She said that they want to say to the kids the night before that it is Christmas tomorrow.
OPs post 14:42

WhatNoRaisins · 02/08/2026 19:32

I think it's the "we're having Christmas tomorrow" that they want to tell them the night before that's the lie.

godmum56 · 02/08/2026 19:24

Yetone · 02/08/2026 18:54

No the GPs want full Christmas dinner and to tell the grandchildren that it is Christmas.

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I can't see anywhere where the op has said that her inlaws want to lie to the children?

usernamemustnotcontainspecialcharacters · 02/08/2026 19:24

I would go, but wear normal clothes. Down play it. It’s November. Tell the kids Santa is visiting nannas house early because she’s away. Let the kids open nannas gifts. go home after lunch.