AIBU to refuse a full early Christmas with young children?

Far too confusing for young children. What you are suggesting sounds much nicer .

I would reopen a January 'Christmas with the grandparents' discussion and say they can have a special meal with grandparents when they come back and share presents with each other.

But actual Christmas will be taking place on Christmas as planned.

They chose to go away at that time. You have no problem with that, but you're not going to make it your problem if they're unhappy about it now.

2 christmases sounds amazing. If you kids till believe in santa then they'll understand he can be flexible.

I'm not very precious about Christmas, and I don't think kids will be overly confused by it if you deal with it breezily (let's be fair, they manage to overlook a lot of logical inconsistencies where Santa is concerned!), but I do think their request is OTT and unnecessary. They're not here at Christmas - they need to make peace with the fact that this means they won't celebrate Christmas with you all this year.

They can give you your gifts but they are just from them, your children are little so you wont have to worry about them being the age where they are starting to question father christmas, but christmas is special because it is once a year!

Your suggestion sounds great, a nice christmas themed weekend, putting the tree up, a pantomime etc, but I wouldnt be doing "christmas morning" as such. You can have some christmas food too, but you don't need to do a full christmas dinner.

No you are not being unreasonable at all. I think your compromise sounds lovely. If Christmas was that important to them, they shouldn’t have booked a 3 weeks cruise and a trip to Canada.

We did an early Christmas one year for my husbands Nanny as she lives a long way from us and tends to alternate who she spends Christmas with. She came up in November and we had dinner and my son opened his Christmas presents from her on that day, but no one else. We didn’t discuss Santa, didn’t have a Christmas dinner either. The only thing we did was Christmas crackers because my little boy was obsessed with them.

If I had to choose one I'd go for the January. They will have had the real Christmas and it could potentially be less confusing.

I think for this year only, it's something to consider for the benefit of the children. Let's face it, that who Christmas is for.

Have all the excitement of Christmas, a bit of breathing space between Christmas and New Year and then an additional 'event' in early NY when GPs return. Back to normal next year. They are making it all about them, rather than what's right for their DGC.

can your DH do the diplomatic negotiations 🤭 as they are his DP?

I too would reopen the January idea. It definitely makes more sense than a preChristmas day.

The gifts for all the DGC can all be under Granny's tree.

Why can't Granny wait until after Christmas to exchange gifts?
Why do it before and take the shine of Christmas.

LO did survive his Birthday/ Christmas confusion but it was shite having a kid confused and heart broken on their 4th birthday because they didn't quite understand Santa with hearts desire wasn't coming for another couple of days.

I'm years down the line, I've forgotten what the toys was he wanted. But I've never and will never forget him ignoring everything and breaking his heart cause he thought Santa let him down.

Personally, I think a January catch-up with gifts sounds much more appealing

@WarmHare

You could have them round for lunch on January 6th if they are back in the UK, I suppose, OP, to celebrate Epiphany, when the Magi brought their gifts for the infant Jesus.

You could make a traditional Galette Des Rois.

www.nigella.com/recipes/galette-des-rois-domestic-goddess

Ah, well I think you might have shot yourself in the foot a bit there.

They will have already done proper Christmas.
They will get a kick out of more toys.
You have a ready made excuse to have the decs down.
People will have feasted and be less fussed about a big meal.

I'd revert to the January idea - lots of countries still celebrate in January, and there's Twelfth Night etc. It doesn't have the 'ick' factor that a pre-Christmas does.

I'm not sure if you were responding to my post or were making a general one. Santa never brought the big or expensive presents like bikes to my friends/us, they came from parents/grandparents. Santa brought the bratz dolls or scaletrix cars that went with the tracks the parents had bought. You did have to remember the present order if you did that though. Nothing sucks more than opening up a present of Sindy clothes before opening up the one containing the Sindy doll 😅

My childhood could be considered "deprived " as we had a lot of hand me downs, from clothes to shoes to pushbikes (two between six of us). We had a satsuma, a new colouring book and a handful of nuts in our stocking but Santa still brought us a couple of presents each, that Santa had popped down the chimney while leaving rudolph on the roof just brings that extra sparkle, and gave us the sense of being in the same secret gang as our friends. Adults were outside that magic gang as Santa never gave them anything. Yes you don't need it, it won't scar you, but you know.. why not?

Children already get overtired and fractious with one Christmas. Add another Christmas type celebration and they'll be bouncing off the walls. They don't sound old enough to be able to process what will be happening.

why can't they have a celebration when they get back from their cruise. Or better still make sure they're not away next Christmas.

OP, I would be very wary of setting a precedent with this. I think it will very quickly become a burden because you’ll be expected to do it on subsequent years for different reasons no and it will be difficult to refuse.

I think that one thing I'd want to keep a lid on would be the number of presents. Because seeing them open say, 1-3 each would be very different from ploughing through 5+ each.

My MIL nodded along in agreement when I said that opening presents ended up a bit of a chore on my son's November birthday, and said just one present from each was plenty - then they showed up with five from them, and multiples of gifts from all their friends.

I'm guessing one of them is under/around 2, which can be especially rough for present marathons. I'd ask if they can do just two each if they're prone to get loads, and save the rest for Christmas day.

I don't see why the OP needs to put a finger on precisely what's wrong with it - isn't no supposed to be a complete sentence? A Christmassy get together as suggested OP is fine if that's what she wants to host!

My brother works offshore so is only home every other Christmas. We've done "Special Christmas' every Christmas since the kids were toddlers. Full on Christmas... Bucks fizz, open beef sandwiches, presents (but only to/from each other) and Christmas dinner. We do our traditional Christmas eve dinner the night before and our boxing day meal the next day.

The kids are 5,.8 & 9 now and they absolutely love it. They remember what they got at each Christmas and whether it was proper Christmas or special Christmas. It also makes it even easier to do the in-laws split.

I'd really recommend it, especially since you say they don't ask for much!!

I'm easy going but I think this is a ridiculous idea. I cannot understand why your inlaws are so insistent that they must celebrate an early Christmas with your children, after all they've celebrated so many past Christmases that it's difficult to see why they can't miss this one. Your children on the other hand are exactly the right age to appreciate the magic of Christmas and a double Christmas would leave them confused. It's actually rather selfish of them. I would see it differently if the kids were teenagers.

I think regardless of how nice they are - it’s super confusing for the kids. I think your compromise sounds good.