AIBU to refuse a full early Christmas with young children?

Your idea sounds lovely, theirs sounds mad

Surely when they come back after Christmas makes a better compromise. The shine isn't taken off real Christmas and you can keep the Christmas stuff around to replicate it for them ?

Much as they might be "nice people" your ILs are being incredibly selfish here.
DH needs to take your side and it's not ok that he is siding with them.

Set your boundary and stick to it! Your compromise is more than reasonable.

I'm baffled as to why they are insisting on this given that you said they don't always spend Xmas with you and nobody is dying!

Sinterklaas comes to us 5th Dec - definitely not Santa/Christmas but a nice add on. But your dates are even earlier than that. That would be a long time to have the tree up. And it would be strange for them at nursery or school. But i sympathise with their grandparent feelings. Sorry, not helping much

We always have “first Christmas” a week before the real thing. It’s a chance to get together with those that we can’t be with on the actual day. We give everyone a gift though don’t get one in return. The grandchildren love it and look forward to it each year.
Please don’t spoil your PIL’s enjoyment of their 50th anniversary by being awkward about this.

In a minority here but I’ve done a few fakemasses in recent years, including with young kids, due to everyone not being able to be in the same place on the actual day. For very very young children it’s not confusing (they don’t know what’s going on). A 3 year old can understand that it’s not real Christmas. Real Christmas is very much Father Christmas centred so I don’t think doing Buck’s Fizz etc will take the shine off that… the kids don’t care about that stuff!

I think it works out well. You can do a Christmas lunch (a big roast, after all, and perhaps in laws will help). Why not have Buck’s Fizz and chocs and exchange presents (especially if they bring some champers and treats)? It’ll be a lovely day!

Also maybe even takes the pressure off a bit on actual Christmas Day which will be smaller and you can make more child centred.

If all that cooking fills you with dread then you could scale it back a bit: a different meat (not turkey), ready made pigs in blankets and red cabbage or whatever if available, but still do crackers and a shop bought Christmas pudding?

Definitely, and Dec 25 retains its special magic for the children

How can you possibly say a half a continent of very young children do not and never have been confused by both St Nics day and Christmas Day or been disappointed on St Nics Day because something has been held back for Christmas Day?

Not every child wants bundles of stuff sometimes they get fixated they want one specific thing and nothing else matters.

While I get taking joy in the excitement of young children at Christmas it seems like so many extended family members want to do this sort of thing for their own benefit rather than because they actually want the kids to be happy. Sometimes it's a fine line but sometimes it's very obvious that's what's going on.

@WarmHare i would tell your IL that Christmas is for the kids and that’s the prime motive behind pretty much everything. If they push for this, they are making Christmas all about themselves and that isn’t fair.

there are oh so very few years with the magic of Christmas for kids, and it’s less and less with the rise of social media etc. tell the IL that you want to preserve their Christmas as much as possible for as long as possible and while you realise they will miss the Christmas morning this year with the kids, but they’ve missed it before and will doubtless miss it again, so you’re not prepared to have Christmas in November. They can give you a token gift to save for them to open on Christmas Day, you can attend a panto etc, but no to the “it’s Christmas tomorrow” thing, no to Christmas lunch etc and you’re going to stick to your usual plan for decorating the house/tree etc.

they are making Christmas all about them. That’s not fair on your kids or you as a family.

I’d say they absolutely are. Christmas is Christmas and the magic comes from that. There isn’t another Christmas a month before the ‘real’ one. Or one in April just because you fancy it.

I’m in the firm ‘NO’ camp here. A nice wintery day out followed by panto and curry and limited gifts because Granny and Grandad are going away sounds perfect. No tree, no carols, no roast, no ‘Christmas Morning’.

And the truth from them about why they want this total recreation of a Christmas Day, including putting the kids to bed and telling them it will be happening next day etc, full roast, chocolates opening presents is so important to the grandparents.

I know there’s been an explanation but is there a chance that one of them is actually terminally ill and / or (I hate to say it) not planning on coming back alive from the cruise and they’re keeping it from you until after this fake Christmas?

I see you have come to a decision but I wanted to throw my 2 cents in, for what it's worth...
I think that you have an opportunity to reinforce the message that Christmas is also about family and they can get excited about that and about Father Christmas coming. I wouldn't worry about it being confusing or taking the shine away from actual Christmas. Coming from somebody who's child has 2 each year and they are never confused and love both days equally for different reasons. I personally think you should enjoy an extra Christmas Day 🎄😊

Can't you just say ' because Grandma and Grandad are going away at Christmas, Father Christmas has kindly agreed to visit us twice this year, so everyone can see you opening some presents'.

How odd?! If they want to spend Christmas morning with your grandkids then don't book a holiday where youll be away on Christmas day! Or you know, they just accept that they'll miss it this year but they can still spend time with their grandchildren before AND after.

It's a bit entitled of them I think And i agree with your rationale, Christmas is Christmas and its ok, cause there will be another next year! Depending on the ages of the kids, you say "young", so you've hopefully got a good a few years of the "magic" for them to share in, all being well!
I know tomorrow isn't guaranteed but this crow-barring "special" in so as to do it all is ridiculous. Christmas day is Christmas day is Christmas day - id like them to realise that that experiencing things authentically is in the kids best interests!

And have very young children gettting upset when all their friends have Christmas on the 25th December?

Why not early Jan 27?

Oh i think this is really interesting in terms of dynamics. My children are a lot older then your wee ones so ive just asked their point of view over lunch, they have been raised in a house that tells children father Christmas is real and brings the stocking gifts when they were small. They love Christmas though. They think that if they were very little they would find it confusing to have 2 Christmas days as in my daughter's words, the lead up is very exciting, the night of Christmas eve is very exciting and it would take the shine off of everything the second time around. We have lots of festive traditions with letters to father Christmas sent up on the fire etc. So if we did it early, we really could not do it again. My son said, he would have started questioning why we could do it twice and might have started unravelling Christmas magic earlier then wanted. My 2 just love winter and Christmas though and I think thats because of what we do at that time of year. I think the compromise you have offered is absolutely lovely and could be the start of a new Christmas or festive get together (pushed back the following year) that they come to yours for putting up the tree etc. Panto, tree up, jumpers on and a curry, christmas film on. Gosh I love it. Perhaps offer instead of father Christmas gifts, tree presents to celebrate it going up. Add a hot chocolate and some gingerbread making, I'd be in my element.

Don't feel guilty, just celebrate Christmas early with them, but without Santa who, obviously, only delivers presents on Christmas Eve. Your compromise sounds good, enjoy it.

I think some compromise is needed here, by them, that is, not you. They chose to go away at xmas.
I'd offer to have them over, even do Christmas dinner and allow them to give dc their gifts. But the 'pretending' it's christmas stuff, no. You can tell the kids the truth, grandparents are going on holiday over xmas and want to celebrate with us early. The kids won't get confused by that.
If the pils don't like it then they can accept that they're missing out this year.

We did this on the 1st December as my whole family were going away. We did everything apart from the father Christmas aspect. We had Christmas dinner, gifts from and to the family members that were away.

We then had our Christmas day as usual, with father Christmas bringing the stockings and 1 gift they ask him for, presents from us and the other side of the family.

My kids still talk about the year they had 2 Christmases.

I mean, your compromise is fine, but I think you’re being a bit rigid and precious. Their idea is also a lovely one. My kids would have loved two Christmases!

Children are children and "believe" for such a short time nowadays, it's nice to try and keep the magic for as long as you can. Hopefully your husband can strike a good comprise with his parents so the magic can be kept.

We've always said that Father Christmas brings the presents in the stockings they wake up to in the morning; everything else (including presents under the tree) are presents we or other members of the family have given them and need to be thanked.

We've sometimes celebrated Christmas early if some of the family are away for Christmas - either on holiday or staying with in-laws for the Christmas break (not local) - and enjoyed it.

The grandchildren never were confused about Father Christmas. When they were older, grandparents gave the grand/kids the presents and said they were to open them on Christmas Day.

Just a thought - in some European Countries, children get a visit (and a present) from St Nicolas on 6th December ... depending on how young your children are, you could may be introduce an early St Nics Day as the grandparents present/treat. European kids still get presents at Christmas (including from Santa) and are not confused from an early visit from St Nicolas.

Surely your in laws know kids talk and someone will break it to kids that Christmas hasn't yet happened. Not to mention Christmas in shops, other people, carols, etc. This isn't Truman's Show.

If you are very generous you can all pretend you travelled in time for an alternative day that happened to be Christmas. OTT but would work as an innocent lie.