AIBU to refuse a full early Christmas with young children?

Why can’t you have a Christmas meal and exchange presents, your children can clearly be told that you are getting presents from grandparents early because they are going on holiday. No confusion here because you clearly say gifts are from grandparents

It sounds utterly ludicrous. You’ll be completely Christmasses-out by December 25th. Which would be fine if you were then going to ignore actual Christmas but it doesn’t sound like you will be.

I am old and love a good cruise. I also love Christmas and my grandchildren. But if I’m away over Christmas that’s entirely my problem. I made my choice when I booked.

Oh goodness no I wouldn’t be doing two Christmas days it’s enough doing one. I like your compromise.

Probably because it's a lot of work and it might take the shine off the real Christmas Day for OP's small children. It could certainly confuse them.

They had their chance. I'd say no.

Trying to do two Christmases will blow Santa for the kids. Going to school / nursery and telling kids they've had Christmas will cause upset.

Santa & the tooth fairy was blown for my oldest by clocking a half hearted effort at the easter bunny. He was only about 7 at the time.

They either let Santa deliver their gifts (my Santa is really a big courier he delivers but not everything is from him) or they wait until their return.

Some of this is a bit much, I can agree with having a meal together and for them to give their gifts but to make it very clear that grandma and grandad aren't here for Christmas so we are having a get together early.
I would not be doing the whole pretend it's Christmas, but having a roast dinner together is just normal?

If you book a cruise over Christmas then the price you pay is missing Christmas festivities at home. Believe me there will be plenty on board so they won’t miss out, they just won’t be with family.

Depending where they are on Christmas Day they could FaceTime you all, I guarantee that’s what half the ship will be doing.

I think you’re being very kind to offer the compromise but I think it’s unnecessary and ridiculous of them to ask for more.

@WarmHare

YANBU, and I would be saying no to this too. It's bloody ridiculous. Only way I would be doing this is if they had a week to live. Doing Christmas a month early - especially if I had young kids, would not happen. Your in-laws are the ones choosing to spend December in another country FFS. The only thing I would be prepared to do is give them their gifts in late November, and go to a panto or something.

I would NOT be adhering to their request, no matter how 'nice' they are. It's bloody ridiculous.

so what really is your problem? I mean really? You needn't answer honestly on here but please think about why this is so triggering for you?

Yes they are! And I quote directly from OP’s third post
“but they want them to go to bed & tell them “we’re having Christmas tomorrow” they give their gifts to us we give them there’s, have Buck’s Fizz, make a Christmas dinner…. Open the chocolates etc.”

They haven’t mentioned

Christmas tree
stockings
leaving plate out for Santa
Christmas carols
etc

have they op?

Absolutely not.
Your idea (the original one, not the one involving gifts) is perfect for adults who won't be around at Christmas and children who would find an early Christmas/two confusing.

If they or your DH is still resistant, as someone else suggested, tell him OK – he is free to arrange it all and to try to explain it to the kids/deal with meltdowns if it's too confusing for them and/or they're overwhelmed at having two Christmases.

They’re not suggesting telling the kids it’s Christmas Day. 🙄

This kind of comes off as confusing and gaslighting. I would never try to confuse my young kids lying that it was a holiday when it wasn't. I hope I'm just misunderstanding that part.

And lots of Canadians have big Xmas celebrations. Are you sure they're not bullshitting you about that?

If Christmas is so important to them why on earth have they booked to be away!!
I would absolutely not be replicating Christmas for them with young children! Definitely no telling the children it’s Christmas Day tomorrow!
Your idea sounds perfectly reasonable.

My SIL did this last year, and it was fine. Her (under 5) GC was going to be with Dad’s family, so they hired a big house out a few weeks before Christmas, and her DD and Son in law came down. SIL is divorced so ex-partner and thier new wife came as well .. it was a lovely big “Christmas” with dinner & gifts & games etc. GC was fine, not confused, and still had a lovely Christmas a couple of weeks later.

They should know that Santa doesn’t bring all their gifts anyway. We always knew which were off family and our main gifts was from our mum. Makes them more appreciative of what they receive. Some children get a lot more and some a lot less.

I really don't think it'll be an issue for the children if they're under 5 and grandparents don't do Father Christmas anyway.

It sounds like a plan for a nice couple of days. But DH does the cooking.

This. All the justifying about Canada is about what they're going to do/not do. They haven't thought about how it affects the actual 25th December for you. It's like you're just props in their world without lives of your own.

I would allow them to come and give their gifts, no others, to the kids to open on the morning of fake Christmas, and I'd have an early Christmas dinner (can't have too many). What I wouldn't do is lie or pretend it was a day that it wasn't. 'Real' Christmas will be on 25th December with their mum and dad as usual. They chose to go away for that date. They can't have it both ways.

Also unimpressed with it not being cool in their view to tell the kids an untrue story about Santa, but fine to lie that it's a day it isn't, coincidentally for their benefit.

Replicate Christmas by celebrating it early? Wtaf? Does this day even mean anything to them?

Gosh, people have gone mad in their consumerism. Truly mad. Teach the children to confuse important cause (Christmas) and insignificant effect (consumeristic fuss surrounding it).

Are they also going to ask the vicar to do replicate the service earlier too? Like Meghan Markle 'we were married by the Bishop the day before'?

So what’s wrong with that?

Opening presents from grandparents for Christmas isn’t replicating the Father Christmas coming bit.

A roast is just a roast.

Chocolates are just chocolates.

you don't even need to have your decorations up as it’s not even December then.

The rest is just a family day opening gifts and eating food 🤷‍♀️

Fuck, no. Your dh is an idiot, btw.

Christmas is at Christmas. If they are away for the month of December , for whatever reason, they just suck it up.

@WarmHare don’t take any shit and don’t bend over backwards, either. A nice day out, panto perhaps but don’t go overboard.

And clearly explain to your children that Christmas is on the 25th of December and not before. Just in case anyone gets Ideas.

we did a delayed Christmas for my son when he was young to fit around family and it was fine... so normally I'd be in favor of shifting Christmas by a bit, if t means more family are included..

But by a month? That is a bit too much for me.

I think you can keep fiddling with the compromise to make sure it works for both of you.

Letting them stay over? Not really a problem
Christmas dinner? No - replace with another meal
Presents in the morning? As long as it is clearly theirs only etc.
Call it "Grandma's early Christmas" so the kids know it isn't the real thing..
more activities out, less time at home,

Etc.

I'm sure you can work through a plan that works for everyone.

Seems a non issue to me

"We're doing an extra Christmas with Grandma, and we'll do the real thing / Santa in a few weeks"

If your gripe is that your DH expects you to do all the work, that's a different discussion