AIBU to think my sister is overreacting about our drinking?

IMO you drink way too much for your age. You are, or soon will be, menopausal. Alcohol is then much worse for you. Cancer, liver issues etc. Just cut it down or quit.

Based on your first post you’re in excess of 30+ per week.

That’s too much, no judgement but tone it down for your livers sake.

From what you described you’re way over the guideline limits !
Add up how many units in a week and you’ll likely be really surprised.
half a bottle of wine is about 5 units of alcohol.
Your sister maybe came across as being judgmental but she is probably concerned

That’s it? That’s all the hobbies your got? An art club, cycling and golfing?

anyway none of her business really what you two do but is do bothered by it why not calculate your units per week against the guidance?
It sounds like you are both trying to hard to have it all!

This 👆 Also, I have yet to meet anyone who likes to drink a lot, or every day to acknowledge to themselves how much they are really drinking. How large are the glasses your couple are in and does a couple really only mean 2 a day?

Well if you don’t curb your drinking, you’ll be making a hobby out of hospital stays and visits.

Jesus wept ..how much have you had ..

My alcoholic husband could give up alcohol for a week, or even two (to prove he wasn’t an alcoholic (inside he was barely hanging in there, but he could do it). As you say, it’s a slippery slope. By the time I kicked him out, he was constantly drinking in waking hours and would even wake up during the night and have ‘a drink’ before going back to sleep. Thankfully, me chucking him out turned out to be his personal rock bottom. He went into rehab and aside from a brief lapse 3 years ago, he has been sober for 7 years 🙂

Just sounds like a boozy weekend to me. Is your sister always such a Debbie Downer?

I can't really vote either way. It sounds like you are having a lot of units of alcohol which is not great for your health, even though it's not affecting your normal every day activity. I would advise most nights having a cup of tea instead of opening wine, or a lime and soda etc. I drink water and coffee mostly but sometimes I want something different in the evening, but it doesn't have to be alcohol.

Having friends over for dinner and wine disappearing a little enthusiastically is fine, but the next night I wouldn't be feeling like cracking open the wine again, personally. I'd be giving my liver a chance to recover. As an example this weekend we were away at the coast. I had three glasses of wine with food on Friday night. On Saturday I had one Aperol Spritz and one bottle of lager. Today - nothing, and I probably won't have a drink until the weekend. The Friday night consumption was more than usual, but even so that's only ten or so units in total for the week.

Do stuff together that doesn't involve drinking. DH and I go to the gym together twice a week, for example.

I know!
Plenty of people on here who are obviously in the same age group have said that the OP (if genuine) drinks too much, and lots have said they hardly/don't drink alcohol anymore, although lots of them probably did lots of 'partying' when young.

The original post sounded OK. But as it wore on it got sadder and sadder. A booze-fuelled meltdown in real time. I recognise it because a lot of it used to be like me; increasingly incoherent posting and angry self-justification, particularly at voices that are trying to be kind (of which there were many about last night). It took me years to pull free. I kept my job and outwardly successful social life. Very, very few people would ever have thought I had a "problem". But I did.

@ByJollyQuail - I really hope you are feeling OK today. If you want to, I really recommend The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (based on her blog "Mummy was a Secret Drinker"). It's funny, smart and non-preachy. A good read, even if you don't feel you've got a problem.

Best wishes to you. x

Worth noting that alcohol affects your sex drive, by increasing mental desire by relaxation but... reducing arousal, causing vaginal dryness and slower nerve responses...
It's a direct bladder irritant, so can cause cystitis

Then you need to take better care of yourself. Develop more interests without him that don’t involve drinking. If you are unhappy in your marriage (and it sounds like you are and are trying to bury that in booze), think about leaving. I got out of my previous marriage after 29 years. I was 49. I decided I’d rather be alone than look at him anymore 🤣 Turned out, I met the love of my life after that. We have been together 18 years now. Find yourself. Meet your own needs.

Ffs read all of OPs posts before commenting!

I'm a nurse, and it's surprising how many people are alcoholics that don't think they are because they're not drinking as soon as they wake up till they pass out. I've had patients that have 2-3 beers most evenings go into withdrawals. If you're drinking over the units majority of nights your body is fully aware and expecting that drink. You are drinking in excess, try and stick to the units or atleast give yourself a couple of days break in between

You can be dependent on alcohol without it ever being something that causes issues in the rest of your life. The layman’s term is a functional alcoholic but it’s not always a use description.

Personally I have people in my life that drink this much and I think it’s too much. It’s definitely something they’re dependent on and that makes me uncomfortable because I know how much they are damaging their health (read about the cancer/alcohol links and of course the effects it has on your liver) and I also know how easily it can tip into a more serious alcohol use disorder.

I think you’d do well to match your drinking to the recommended weekly amount (which I think is 14 units).

Studies have shown that longish breaks from alcohol are better for your liver than 1 day off a week, for example. So doing dry January and Octsober would be a good idea. And if you can’t go a month without booze then that might help you see your dependency on it. And the rest of the time, if you’re struggling to stick to 14 units, then perhaps it’ll be clear you might have an issue.

Billy Connolly famously said he had trouble drinking in moderation, and when he went teetotal he said he wanted to give it up while it was still his idea.

I think drinking can be problematic if chasing a buzz/oblivion as it will require more and more to get there, so people can gradually and invertedly create a situation where eventually their actual body becomes dependent on it and control is lost. The good news is control can be regained.

Amazing how many alcoholics don’t realise they’re alcoholics.

Frigging hell you changed ya mind in about 10 seconds flat.
The last reply you said "I have a great husband who I love so much after 30+ years together" now he is "crazy insane" and "going through a midlife crisis"
Put the wine down and dry up. Good grief.

Alcohol is very much parts retirement imo.We have been good all our lives and now we want to relax

Are you the OP?

Not coming back OP?

i used to drink most nights and would probably have the best part of two bottles of wine over a weekend. At the time i would never have thought i was drinking too much.
since starting HRT i barely drink at all- the odd red wine on a friday and it has made me very aware of how much alcohol dominated my social life and very conscious of how much others drink
if i have two medium red wines now i’ll feel drunk and i think it’s easy to let your tolerance creep up and lose sight of how much you are drinking

It's not really normal to feel the need to specify that no one is drinking at 10am prior to going cycling.