AIBU to think my sister is overreacting about our drinking?

@CandidHedgehog totally agree.

I didn't drink in the morning or before 5pm but the first bottle would take less than an hour to drink.

And I know an alcoholic who never, ever drinks before 4pm(ish) and only ever drinks wine (a couple of bottles to the staggering drunk stage every single night).

She says exactly what you do - that she’s not an alcoholic because she doesn’t reach for alcohol as soon as she gets up (and because it’s ‘only’ wine).

People who say things like your post (which is directly contradicted by actual experts) help her live in denial.

My neighbours husband bled out like this. Was dead before the amb arrived. Horrific for everyone. I'm so sorry.

Absolutely. My DH died of it (bled out on our bedroom floor) and he never drank first thing in the morning. Ever.

This is complete nonsense and it only fuels the incorrect information out there that I and my colleagues are working so hard to combat.

An alcoholic is not just someone who needs a drink upon waking. Please stop spreading misinformation. It is stopping people with alcohol problems from facing up to them as they don’t fit your outdated and incorrect criteria.

I have a friend who is a VERY heavy drinker. Even now she's been diagnosed with a liver tumour, she's still drinking. One thing I did notice is that she's never able to just have one drink. One leads to another and another, until she has to take herself off to bed - usually before 8pm if she's started drinking in the afternoon.

I took that from my stepfather because he was an alcoholic whose first action was to reach for a drink,you may think that reading up makes you an expert but living with alcoholics and heavy drinkers gives an insight into the problem.Different professionals define it differently,l know this because for years my mother was a very heavy drinker and sometimes she would be given help and sometimes not depending on the GP and the health authority involved.
Reading up,as you put it is not the only or necessarily the most reliable way of understanding this problem.

Well your step father is no modern professional expert is he 🙄 maybe read up about alcohol misuse rather than relying on outdated, ignorant, wrong notions.

I’m retired , and I rarely drink alcohol so feel free to ignore what I say! I have noticed that the people I know that have had serious health problems (in particular bowel cancer) have used alcohol in the way you do. Both my brothers have died from the disease. Neither were alcoholics but both were social drinkers, didn’t get drunk. One of them collected good wine and he and his wife would have a glass or two with dinner.
I lost a cousin and her husband both to bowel cancer, but they were alcoholics.
I do think that your sister has a point, and for your health’s sake you should perhaps consider taking a break from drinking every so often, perhaps when you’re at home.
It isn’t necessarily true that you need to drink in order to be sociable. I never drink alcohol when I’m out with friends, nobody has ever commented on it. I have a good time, and feel fine the next morning.
if you’re self conscious about it, a glass of tonic water looks just like a gin and tonic!
When my ex gave up drinking for 3-4 months he said that he hadn’t realised that he had always felt ‘low-grade unwell’ when he was drinking.
All this is what the big deal is about.

Sorry I didn't mean to offend you and I agree with what the crux of what you're saying ....and I'm not necessarily even directing my reply at you - but at the many many people on here who've added and are still adding to the pile on. I think she's had a sufficient bashing. She'll be long gone by now if she's got any sense as it will only be bringing her even further down and it will drive her to drink even more :( !
I just wanted to readress the balance and show her some compassion if she is still here. Addiction is a horrible disease and it doesn't mean she's a bad person. She needs help, not a bashing.

The OP asked the question - I’m just answering it! If she doesn’t want to hear it, she shouldn’t have asked!

Good for you. Some people are addicts..
It's not a character flaw.

Yet you don’t seem to think they apply to you?

All health guides say you shouldn’t drink every day. I like a drink (my DP would probably say a bit too much!), but don’t drink every day unless we’re on holiday. I try and keep it to no more than 2-3 nights a week.

I’ve just realised most of my post is missing! What I had intended to say, was I assume that your sister is concerned with the health risks of your level of alcohol consumption rather than your behaviour.
In your original post you mention lots of visible traits of drinking that you’re managing fine with (e.g. not being aggressive, holding down a job, functioning in life) but you make no mention of the invisible effects on your liver, brain, and health in general. I’m afraid that at some point those effects will become quite serious.
But, you’re a grown up and if you’re completely aware of all the downsides to drinking too much alcohol and you still want to do it, that’s your call. I don’t think you can be upset with your sister for pointing out the obvious risks though.

I can’t see any point in posting any more really folks, the OP @ByJollyQuailhasn't been back since the first night when she was drunk on her own.

If by any tiny chance you’re still reading this OP, I hope you get help and reduce your excessive drinking for the sake of your health.

Yes-it was arbitrary And unfortunately many people took any limit to mean it was safe to drink below that amount, However the guidance actually states that there is no safe level of alcohol consumption-any guidelines are for harm reduction

I can’t edit my comment but I just caught up & realised my whole comment is irrelevant so please ignore, there’s obviously some issues.

I think it really just depends, I grew up with parents who usually always enjoyed a glass of wine most evenings and that seems very normal to me, they still do in their sixties but not religiously every evening, they could take it or leave it and it don’t personally think it’s a problem.

That said, for me I personally wouldn’t enjoy drinking every evening neither me or my husband really drink aside from the odd social occasion and that’s how we like it, many of our friends are very similar actually. We’re 31 + 34 for reference.

Are you drinking every single day?
Would it cause you to feel stressed if you didn’t have a drink one evening?/ do you feel like you need it to relax after the day?
Are either of you drinking over 14 units a week?

if the answer to any of the above is yes then I think it’s a problem and your sister is right to be a bit concerned.

Therefore, I go by my blood test results and general health and wellbeing to monitor what I drink.

I don't regularly have blood tests, and I don't suppose most people do. Our GP only refers people for blood tests if they feel they need them.

@Teddybear23 are you in the UK or do you have a private GP? Or is there another reason why you have regular blood tests?

That’s a lot more than the upper limit of 14 hours a week. You sound like an educated woman so you know the risks around this yet chose to drink to excess. No-one needs to drink while cooking of an evening.
I don’t drink anymore but even when I did I had maybe 1-5 units per week and some weeks didn’t drink at all. Maybe v occasionally have a blow out at a party.
There is a lot of socialising you can do that doesn’t involve alcohol! Am a similar age as you so I know this 😂

I have a feeling it was a wind up - it all seemed rather ‘staged’ - the stumbling into drunken. -because more than once on Saturday night I’ve had several large glasses of wine and managed an extremely coherent response post on mumsnet - no one would actually know I had a few- if it was perchance genuine , then OP clearly needs to know her limits and cut down somewhat

Years ago I read a medical journal that stated the recommended number of units per week for male and females was a number just made up, i.e. no actual medical or scientific evidence to prove anything. Therefore, I go by my blood test results and general health and wellbeing to monitor what I drink.

If they keep drinking to these levels it’s very unlikely she will still be here in 30 years frankly.

I don't find it odd. It's just an addiction