My MIL has been a thorn in my side since I had my first child. I’ve posted threads before if you want to read how she’s been. She wasn’t pleasant to me at all.
DH has always stayed out of it. Chose to ignore it rather than address it, until recently. He started putting some boundaries in place, which of course she stomped on. She then meddled in a family dispute, blowing up the situation and causing estrangement from one of his older DC, which she lied about, whilst he spent the past year wondering what had happened.
DH has apologised profusely to me for allowing MIL to treat me the way she did and had a confrontation with her about it all. She denied it all and has refused to apologise. Not only to me, but also to him for her lying and meddling. He’s very angry. He felt like this was her opportunity to take accountability, but she refused. She’s been messaging us and calling like nothing happened.
DH said that he feels he’s spent his adult life being emotionally manipulated and guilted, often feeling responsible for her emotions. He felt like he betrayed me by allowing her to behave the way she did because he was always so scared to upset her. My disappointment was easier to deal with than her tears.
This has now got to the point where he wants to go no contact. I feel that this is a little extreme. She’s entitled, controlling and bitchy sure, but she does love her grandkids. And they love her. I feel like he’s not given her long enough to process what was said. She’s lived her life without being confronted and enabled, she’s not going to change overnight. I feel like he needs to give her more time to think and process. I just feel he’s trying to punish her rather than doing it to protect himself and his family “let’s see how she likes it when one of your children isn’t speaking to you” I get he’s angry that her actions have caused estrangement and he’s also angry at himself for not standing up to her with her mistreatment of me.
We’re disagreeing about it, as I think it’s extreme. He’s shocked that I’m not all for it after how she’s treated me. He feels I’m being unreasonable for saying it’s not the right approach. It would be a shame for my kids to not have a relationship with her either and they do love her, it would be punishing them too. Though we only see them once a month, they love to see her.
AIBU to think no contact is too extreme? Or should I just shut up and leave him to it?