AIBU to get DS17 nothing for his birthday?

A certain poster always seems to have an axe to grind when it comes to families.

People treat birthdays differently so its really up to you.
Contributing to driving lessons is a great gift for a 17 yr old but ,honestly i couldn't not give my child something to open even if just a token on the day.
If money is the issue , a card and a cake would suffice.
If money isnt an issue i cant see why you wouldnt give him something to open on the day .
It your personal decision though and dont think it unreasonable if you choose not to do anything other than contribute to driving lessons but the truth is its what you and your 17 yr think and feel that matters.

I’m of the view that driving is a life skill that needs to be learned, like cooking and swimming and changing a tyre and riding a bike. I wouldn’t do it as a birthday present. It’s just like swimming or tennis lessons to me.

That said, I don’t make a big deal of birthdays either. Sounds like it’s his birthday today so you’re probably a bit late to the game. He should def have a card and cake and out to dinner - and maybe sling £100 in the card.

Does he want to do anything, or be given something else?

Maybe something to open on the day, aftershave etc? Card obviously. Meal or takeaway?

@NavySeal Is anything happening today so to not make it seem like every other day?

Half the cost of driving lessons is a fine gift, as long as he can actually afford the other half. Otherwise what will you do? Just give him a few lessons?

But it seems unkind not to take him out for a birthday meal with the family. Unless he's done something really awful.

It's a bit late now - it's his birthday today and she's done bugger all.

I voted Yanbu but I assumed there would be a cake/card/some little tokens for him. Plus you’ve noticed he’s annoyed so maybe you should get him something small in hindsight. Take him out to dinner and make a fuss there.

I think it would be nice to do something OP, considering he's still a child - even if it's his favourite take away and a card and cake.

I think it's more so it's looks like you've thought about him and bothered to make an effort tbh.

Nrtft. But yes, you are a tight arse. I cannot imagine not giving my children a wrapped gift on their birthday.

You can click the other vote option on threads.
Why did you assume they got cake, card or tokens? 'not getting him anything else or doing anything for his birthday?'

Bit late to be asking really, and I think you’re asking because you feel in the wrong. I would have got him a token to unwrap at the very least, and a cake. Birthdays are important to lots of people even if it might seem like they aren’t.

This is exactly what I mean. You still remember that awful hurt even if you now understand that you WERE loved.
My DC wouldn’t be able to tell you specific birthday presents as such, and I can’t recall every single one either.
However, they DO remember feeling completely loved and cherished on their birthdays.

(I can remember getting a Bay City Rollers tartan bag for my 7th birthday! Best present ever!

I can also remember one Christmas when I was 15 and we didn’t really get anything, for some bizarre reason! We were not hard up, by any means. And we were still very much loved and cared for.)

Yes, these things stay with us. I am really sorry that you experienced this as a child. I’ll happily send you something nice on your birthday if you DM me.
Genuine offer.
I hate to think of anyone not feeling cared about in their birthday!

You can’t on the app though, once you’ve clicked it it won’t change

A copy of the highway code? A cake and card.

We're talking about a 17 year old, not a small child.

Paying half of driving lessons is extremely generous and 17 year old me would have been thankful for that.

I don't sound ridiculous. It is ridiculous to have children and not provide for them properly.

The app has a lot of stuff that doesn't function, I don't know why anyone uses it, the mobile site is fine.

You have got him something, driving lessons. I learnt in 2024 (self funded as an adult, parents were in no position to pay when I was a teen) and in total it cost £1,680 in lessons… and that was with a £9ph discount because the instructor was a neighbour! Using my own figures as ballpark, that would’ve been an £840 present. I would’ve been over the moon if my parents could’ve helped me with that at 17. Could potentially be slightly less or more dependent on how well he gets on with it.

I would probably do cake/card/takeaway and possibly a small token gift like chocolate too on the actual day.

I agree the app is rubbish, but the mobile site doesn’t load on my phone so I had to start using the app. The mobile site is more functional when it works but hardly ever works for me.

This is definitely you that is ridiculous here.

So if a parent becomes unwell or disabled or has a change of circumstances, what should they do, exactly? Kick their kids out? Give them up for adoption?

I’d have got him a few bits to open. That’s really mean. He’s not scored-he’s upset

I wouldn't say it was "extremely generous" to pay for half of someone's driving lessons.