AIBU to get DS17 nothing for his birthday?

[NavySeal]

It's DS17 birthday today.

We agreed beforehand that we'd pay for half of his driving lessons and he'd pay the other half himself.

AIBU for not getting him anything else or doing anything for his birthday?

Annoyed not scored

I am also Gen X with no mortgage and plenty of savings and retired at 55 lol. My son has his own house and mortgage if you read my post properly 🤣🤣🤣

Edit to add apart from his £5 a month sum he pays all his own bills, I pay that as a gift, ya know, something nice for birthday that’s practical and not a waste of money! Oh and I’ve nothing to be jealous of, I worked 35 years and am now happily early retired.

Do you even care about him? So transactional and cold. It wouldn’t bother me..I hate birthdays, always have since my parents didn’t do anything on mine after I was 11, but I understand most people like some recognition of the day itself and even if I agreed with mine that their unbirthdays gift was their main birthday gift, there’d still be something on the day..special meal, baked a birthday cake, a small gift . To do nothing is cold

Your poor DS. Not even a token gift? That is just mean and thoughtless.

We did the same, gifted half driving lessons and they were to pay for the other half. It’s good to have investment in your own outcomes. We wrapped up L plates and some fluffy dice as something to open on the day, along with the normal card, cake and dinner choice

I'm not being funny it's not normal.to not want to spoil your child on their bday especially if your not low in funds !
It's always nice to have a little surprise gift for them or a cake it's their special day !!!
Driving lessons are an essential part of growing up ! And fair enough if your skint that's his bday present but if your not u should buy him a proper gift 🎁!

This is so sad.
We have a DD18. We regard driving as an essential life skill. We're not loaded but not poor either. Normal, middle class family. We're paid for all her lessons. We didn't charge her for swimming lessons either when she was younger as we regard that as an essential life skill too.

I can't imagine any of our children waking up to nothing on their birthday. I always make a cake, buy number balloons, have a card with a lovely, heartfelt message inside and 5 or 6 other little presents along with their main present. The little presents might be fancy hair products they like, a bundle of cheap face masks, a book etc. Nothing very expensive but stuff I know they'll like. If their main present is something like concert tickets, I'll print off the details to put in the card. We'll also all celebrate together as a family by going out to dinner or lunch. If you can't afford that, you should have asked him what his favourite dinner was (in advance of his actual birthday) and had that as a family. You could have had it the night before if he's going out with friends tonight. Until my own mother died (when i was 40), she made each of us our favourite dinner to celebrate our birthdays and i plan on doing the same with our kids regardless of their age.

Your DS's birthday is once a year. If money is tight, start putting a few quid away here and there. Buy little bits after payday and hide them away til his birthday. No wonder he seems annoyed. He presumably feels let down and unloved because you didn't bother making any sort of a fuss of him. I feel so sorry for him.

I’d do a bunch of little presents. Some chocolates, a key ring, socks with cars on them etc

We go OTT for all our birthdays so this is unimaginable to me. It all feels to soulless and sad. I could never not give my child a cake, card and gift to open on the day if I could afford it.

did you give your child a cake and card at least?

I feel so sad reading this, did he not even get a happy birhday hug. if nothing else!
I am really hoping this is not real.....

The problem with the driving lessons payment is that it is, I assume, conditional on him paying the other half. If he can't for any reason, I assume he just doesn't get that present at all?

This is the exact point I’ve tried to make. We remember how others made us FEEL, more than anything.
I’m so sorry.

not even a card and a bar of chocolate? Thats low!

Demonstrating once again why MN is such a wonderful place 💜🙏 Thank you @Diamondsareforever72 for such a gloriously lovely offer but no need: DH and DCs have all been very well trained and make sure that my birthday always feels like a special event! They know it’s not about the money, but feeling like tine, effort and love have been put into it in advance. But you’re so right about how these things stay with us for life: the emotional impact never goes away.

I think not having a gift to open is a bit disappointing. I would have bought him a gift like a book, aftershave or toiletries or a new shirt or something. Otherwise the day is just the same as any other day and not special. He's only 17 so still a kid really. A cake would also 100% be organised in my house. We would definitely go out for dinner too - any excuse for a meal out is good with me!

Same.
I absolutely love finding great presents for my DC, DH and other people whom I love/care about.
It was my DC’s 18th birthday the other day and he completely loved everything I got him.

Are you always that petty?

Give him a card and a small token present and plan a nice lunch or dinner together.

It does not have to be anything expensive but it would be odd to do nothing to mark the occasion.

@NavySeal It’s not too late to fix this! Get him a card, a small gift or two and a cake, then make him feel special later on.

That's what I was going to ask! To me a card and cake are separate to presents.

It's not about money-something really cheap would still be nice. And offering him an event to do with you-could be cinema/film night in with a cheap cake/ordering take-out.
Absolutely don't need an expensive present.

They are only contributing half the cost of the driving lessons

You are so welcome ❤️
And yes, we remember how we felt.

My dad got me a facial sauna when I was 15. Back then, we tended to just get one gift, which we were quite happy with btw!

I absolutely loved it as I was fanatical about skin care and this told me that my dad knew this and really wanted to give me something that I’d love.

Personally, even with driving lessons I would have got him few token gifts, e.g coffee shop voucher, cinema voucher, favourite chocolate, something he is into currently, along with a card and cake and maybe a nice family breakfast. Didn't have to cost a lot.

I also think his reaction today says how he really feels about it.

agree with all of this.