to think a lot of men will not marry if they already get everything?

I am fortunate enough to have a great husband.

Who said I was thinking about the issue? I am merely responding to a thread.

Which begs the question of why you'd want to marry one, then, and why you're even wasting your time thinking about the issue.

@BlueFahrenheit I actually think it was the financial issues that prompted it. Unmarried my friend could walk away and leave him to it, married not only would she stay to keep him company, there was also more chance of persuading her to help with the repayments.

@ClarkeandNewman This thread makes it sound like marriage is only possible if the man decides it's going to happen!

Well, yes, if the man doesn’t want to marry then the couple never will. And the same is true if the man wishes to marry but the woman doesn’t. It’s still more likely for the man to make the proposal than for the woman to though.

There’s a current post on the relationships board when the OP wants advice on buying a house with dp: However, one thing that bothers me is that he just won’t marry me. For not good reason other than he just doesn’t see the point. https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5560094-buying-a-house-together-when-he-does-not-want-to-marry

Maybe you ought to pop across and offer the OP the benefit of your wisdom - Why would you want to hang around waiting to be chosen like a delicate Victorian flower? Marry me before I pass away with consumption sir!

The majority of men contemplate losing their freedom, which apparently means the terrible burden of being expected to behave decently.

They will happily impregnate you, cheat, and then discard you, all while presenting themselves as the injured party.

Quite the Mumsnet classic, really.

This thread makes it sound like marriage is only possible if the man decides it's going to happen! I thought most couples decided together these days?

But both partners need to be willing! If one doesn’t fancy it, it’s not going to happen (and it seems that men are more likely to drag their feet)

Well, men make this easy.

Simple creatures.

It is quite something for a man to watch a woman give life, keep a home, cook, work full-time, and still expect intimacy on demand — as though his mere existence were contribution enough.

Many men enjoy seeing their women 'endure'.

Must be incredible to have such a simplistic worldview.

Wow, what an easy get out for bad behaviour. Can't help it, I'm a man, is that what it is?

Typically, such individuals enter marriage under external compulsion, often when they perceive themselves as no longer objects of romantic interest to other women or, as in your friend’s case, in response to an ultimatum.

Male nature. Most do.

This thread makes it sound like marriage is only possible if the man decides it's going to happen! I thought most couples decided together these days? Why would you want to hang around waiting to be chosen like a delicate Victorian flower? Marry me before I pass away with consumption sir!

I wonder what makes men propose after such a long time together. In the instance of my friend it was her preparing to leave him that prompted him to propose. Or, at least, the timing was such that I can’t reasonably think that it wasn’t a factor. His business had collapsed with significant personal debt liable by him, her business was going from strength to strength.

Cynically I wonder if men in their 40s who marry partners they’ve strung along for a long time have something else going on in their lives that makes marriage suddenly seem like a good idea, given they’ve happily lived without it for so long.

Men all think the same way?

You said it, you specify what you meant.

Perhaps try using your brain capacity to work this one out.

Are you a man?

That's not my experience of men in their 40s. I'm not sticking up for men; I'm well aware of the way society enables poor male behaviour. Maternity and parental leave policy in the UK reinforce that pattern. There's plenty of room for improvement, none of which relies on marriage.

It's how men think.

Men will gladly impregnate a woman and have her running the household without thinking twice about marriage.

Yes, you were answering a point I didn't make. I know.

I kind of agree. I see this constantly with women whining he won’t marry them. After they live together, been together years, kids, merged finances.

But then I have also know couple who get married after 20+ years together.

That isn't quite correct.

ClarkeandNewman · Today 17:59
No, having children and bringing them up from birth is not solely a woman's responsibility.

I was pointing out the biological fact that a woman has to be pregnant and have a child by giving birth, and that is her sole responsibility. No man can do that for her.

Talk to people in their 20s and they’ll agree.
Men in their 40s? The ones that are gettimg divorced now? Nope. They haven’t got the memo yet.

fwiw I agree @ClarkeandNewman with not having things set in stone. In Sweden, they’ve ‘forced’ fathers to take that year paternity leave. So mum is staying at home fir 1 year afd then fathers are a SAHF forvtye following year.
Result: much lower divorce rates - men have realised how hard it is!- Better work organisation that makes looking after children easier (like finishing early enough to pick up the children after school), women are not impacted by having children at work because men take as much leave etc….
Sometimes what makes things change re feeling if responsibility is to put external structure that forces that change

Then you were answering a point I didn't make.

I’m not suggesting it’s either easy or cheap, just that biologically it’s possible. A woman needs a man for a five minute input of sperm. A man needs a woman to willingly gestate the baby for 9 months. It’s an unbalanced equation.

I think for some men (caveat: NAM etc) they feel the need to ‘spread their seed’. Society views parenthood as normal, pretty much expected of people, particularly heterosexual ones. They want children because they’ve been brought up in a society that expects people to reproduce. There’s also a certain status to having a living being owe it’s very existence to you and for it to carry your surname into the future. For a selfish and self-obsessed man I expect there’s a certain attraction to that.

But they’re not at all fussed by the day-to-day realities of parenting. So yes, seed and go. Child rearing is women’s work so there isn’t really any reason to hang around. Consider the phenomenon of Baby Mothers. The fathers want offspring, they don’t want the woman.