My boyfriend’s mum still has a tracker on his phone… he’s 31

My thoughts exactly. This is made up.

Both my kids are in their early thirties and my husband and I never saw the need to track our kids. They would feel it a violation of their privacy. So, not “normal” to all young people. To my knowledge none of their friends are tracked either. I honestly unless I was going to someplace remote or dangerous, I would find it invasive and not want to be tracked.
If I had a special needs child or an elderly parent, I’d like to be able to track them. But I wouldn’t bombard them with questions and comments like the boyfriend’s mother.

I agree with much of this. However, there's a vast blue sea between people disappearing off and being tracked. You can always phone someone if you want to know where they are. Then there's messaging and email. You can keep in close contact with someone without needing the tracking. I actually hate the tracking features. How many women are being tracked by abusive partners? There's actually no need for tracking to be a thing. Children don't need to be tracked because they don't wander round alone. Teens might go out alone, but you and them can phone each other. I see tracking as a VERY controlling thing with much potential for misuse in relationships where one partner likes to exercise power and control.

I can just imagine what my late dad would have been like. "Well, YOU spent a long time in Costa, didn't you! Weren't you meant to be shopping? I hope you weren't eating cake - you know you're not supposed to!" etc etc. 🙈

OK so here's why I won't be tracking any member of my family ever, and they will never be tracking me. SO unhealthy and creepy.

Don't even consider it! She will be the MIL from hell. You know, the original one. Mummy's baby boy.

My Nan’s firstborn was stillborn so she was always majorly anxious something would happen to my uncle or dad. She would walk them to the bus stop and wait with them till all the way up to the end of secondary. She would also call them constantly and demand a phone call when they got home from work etc as they got older. She’s still the same now and insists on prank calls when they get in from evenings out so she knows they’re safe, they’re in their 50s!

If this technology had existed back then, she would 100% be using it and acting like your boyfriend’s mum. She has untreated anxiety, that’s pretty plain to see and perhaps it also stems from losing or almost losing a child. Some mums are just like this though to be honest. He probably does it to keep the peace and so she doesn’t call/text him constantly asking where he is etc. It wouldn’t put me off him, he can’t help who his mum is.

What I love about MN is all the new ways to get the ick. I’d not be able to live with this. It’s less the intrusion and more him being so okay with it. Mummy’s boy.

@TryingNotToJudgeMyBf

This.

She’s not just anxious though, which he’s enabling, she’s intrusive and has no respect for boundaries and personal space and privacy.

Having a tracker on for emergencies is one thing, she is abusing the feature, that’s quite another!!

She will not get better unless challenged on it.

I have three children, the youngest is 19 and the only one who still lives at home.

We do not have life 360! He texts if hes going to be later than expected, or not coming home at all. That's not intrusive (doesn't wake me if im sleeping) but reassuring if I happen to wake and worry.

I do have life 360 with my 10 year old Granddaughter. She has two (or maybe three, if other GPs have one with her) separate groups,one with her parents and one with me and Grumpy (my partner). They're separate so I am not seeing where my DD and SIL are and vice versa.

Following an adult man, who lives elsewhere is utterly bizarre and controlling.

If I were you, I'd run a mile from a man who just accepts this and other kinds of mollycoddling! He's too enmeshed.

It’s a bit much to be honest. My husband and I have 360 because he’s a runner and just in case something happens. I don’t really check it unless he’s back really late from a run. The constant checking of his mum though is more stalkerish. Definitely an invasion of privacy. He obviously doesn’t see it. It’s normal for him.

I’m 31 and me, my mum and sister have eachother on find my friend, they live a 4 hour drive from me so we do use it when travelling to and from for etas etc, but it’s also more of a safety thing, none of us are constantly checking and messaging asking why someone is where they are.

the fact she has alerts for when he gets to work/home etc and is turning up at his house, messaging and questioning where he is, is the worry here. She’s clearly very intrusive and obsessive and honestly, I would run for the hills. It’s weird and it will only get worse.

We share our locations. My husbands parents did this and he warned them that if they kept intruding he’d turn it off. It happened again and he’s now turned it off

This is totally unacceptable. She needs to be weaned off this obsession for her own sake. He's not doing her any favours.

Yes! People show you who they are. You now know!

My mum, stepdad, brother, sister in law, sister, me and my husband.. and the family dogs are all on a circle on life360 and see eachothers movement every day. My mum pays for an upgrade that lets us know if someone has been in a car accident. it’s normal for us I guess 🤣

Yes. Far, far too much. Does she have a tv she could turn on and get engrossed in?

In the bin…..straight in the bin 🗑️

Mental! TBH if my mum knew about location sharing it would be her absolute dream to stalk me 24/7, but there is NO WAY I would agree to it. Your boyfriend’s mum would be a MIL from hell, I guarantee it.

Run far and run fast. 🚩🚩🚩

That's just crazy and a waste of money. If a relative was in a car accident and sadly deceased at the scene the police would inform the next of kin asap. If a relative was seriously ill in hospital the next of kin would likewise be informed.

Adult DC and I share location - any of us can switch it off if we want to
Only tend to use it for practical reasons
In your scenario it’s the commenting on it that is odd

OK, so lets change the wording then, lets move away from peoples perception of normality and look at it from the perspective that its not a reasonable or healthy expectation, its invasive and unnecessary and takes away privacy, autonomy and the ability to choose who you share information with. Why do people feel they have a right to know what you are doing when you are not with them?

For me there are very few valid reasons for tracking an independent adult family member and outside these contexts, the “pros” become very thin very quickly, they are:

1. solo travel in a high‑risk area, hiking alone, working night shifts in unsafe locations, domestic violence escape plans. In these cases, location sharing can be a temporary protective measure.
2. Adults with epilepsy, dementia, severe mental health crises, or conditions where wandering or collapse is a risk. Here, tracking can be part of a care plan but even then, it’s usually done with consent and boundaries.
3. Some couples use it for temporary convenience (“I’ll put the kettle on when you’re nearly home”). The key word is mutual not one-sided, not pressured, not parent-to-adult-child and its usually temporarily. I.e. I will track you on the train and will set off to collect you when you reach so and so.

Why tracking shouldn't be normal is just a really extensive list and tracking isn’t about where someone is. It’s about who feels entitled to know and what it means:

a. An adult’s right to move freely without being monitored is fundamental. Tracking turns normal life into something observed, logged, and potentially judged.
b. Parent–child relationships need to evolve. Tracking keeps the dynamic stuck in childhood, where the parent has oversight and the child is “accountable.”
c. Even if the parent “doesn’t check it often,” the capacity to check is the issue. Privacy isn’t about secrecy, it’s about dignity.
e. If the tracked person is with friends, colleagues, their partner, their partner’s family …those people’s locations and routines become indirectly visible too. That’s not just invasive, it’s ethically messy.
f. If someone sees you’re at a pub, a friend’s house, a shop, or simply not where they expected, they may comment or question like his mum does. That’s surveillance, not care.
g. It can be used to manipulate or guilt-trip. “Since you’re home, can you do X?” “I saw you were at Y, why didn’t you tell me?” “I noticed you left work early.” This is control, not concern.
h. Adults need space to make decisions, mistakes, and routines without parental oversight. Tracking undermines that developmental shift.

These are just the few that immediately spring to mind.

Tracking is only healthy when it is mutual, voluntary, revocable, used sparingly and not emotionally weaponised. I can't see parent-to-adult-child tracking as healthy except in those few cases listed above because outside of that, I think its usually “I need it to feel better.”, “If you’ve nothing to hide…”, “It’s harmless.” and “Why wouldn’t you?”

Those arguments are pressure tactics, not consent.

I don't think it's weird in itself but weird and concerning to keep messaging him based on it.

Of course it is weird.

I agree totally wirh @PrettyPickle 's excellent post.