Another party etiquette one…sorry!

82 replies

Lilypad789 · 19/07/2026 09:58

Not for social media please.

Interested to hear what others think really.

Child invited over to friend’s house for birthday, not a party as such but 3 friends and the birthday girl. I accepted the invitation over text (almost immediately) the next day another child in the class invited lots of the class to their own party on the same day and the same time (she wouldn’t have knows about the other get together to be fair). Mum of original inviter approached me to ask if my child had been invited to the new party, I replied that they hadn’t. Anyway, she cancelled the little get together and said she’ll rearrange later in the holidays. Her child went to the boy’s party. Two of the three girls (including mine) weren’t invited to the boys party so I thought it was a fairly crappy thing to do really.

My OH says he’s not surprised and it’s standard behaviour. I think it’s teaching your kids that it’s okay to let people down and that it’s mean. My child was disappointed which I can manage and is part of life, all of which I explained to her but I did also say to her that I thought that it was poor on the parents’ part and that I wouldn’t never do that.

What do you think? Mean?

OP posts:

Dontevenlookatme · 21/07/2026 10:35

I think the other mother was probably trying to please everyone, two of the four children had been invited to a proper party and it would have been a shame for them to miss it for a casual play date that she’s promised to rearrange. To be fair she did ask if your DD had been invited to the party so you can see what her thinking was. If your DD had been invited you’d be wrestling with which invitation you should accept. She intended to say you the angst.

I’m with the PP who said don’t overthink it. If you don’t make a big deal of it, your DD won’t either.

GabriellaFaith · 21/07/2026 13:44

If she's rearranging it I think that's okay. If she's cancelled, then no.

eastegg · 21/07/2026 13:50

Moonnstarz · 21/07/2026 08:25

Ok maybe your kids are different. If mine were simply told that friend was going to change the date of their party then they would just say ok and are we able to still go. They wouldn't huff saying they wouldn't go because they would be disappointed if it was cancelled again, the only way I see kids feeling that upset about it is if mum has made a fuss over it and said it's because the birthday child wants to go to another party, has said to her child isn't that rude, so now her child is taking on the adults feelings about the situation.

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Spot on.

BettyJoanPerske · 21/07/2026 15:05

mylifeisexams · 21/07/2026 08:40

I agree, it’s a ridiculous overreaction.

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Me three. Just nonsensical. I actually feel bad for OP's daughter and hope that she starts to absorb more of her father's mentality, as it is clearly a lot healthier.

Original poster

Lilypad789 · 06/08/2026 11:24

A little update. The party didn’t get rearranged and we go on holiday soon so it’s unlikely that my daughter will be going even if it is replanned. My daughter has mentioned it a couple of times and asked if I’ve heard from the Mum. You’ll have to excuse me for finding that a bit sad. Of course I’ve brushed it off and encouraged daughter not to be upset which she hasn’t, we’ve kept busy so it’s been a fleeting thought. Ironically, the Mum has messaged me today desperate for my daughter to play with her daughter because she’s trying to work from home with no mention of the rearranged plans. Also, my daughter is a good choice because we live in an area where there are only a handful of well behaved children in their class, my daughter being one of them. I like to think mine are the way they are because of my values that I’ve instilled and that includes not letting someone down if you get a better offer, it doesn’t just apply to big events, it shows in day to day life as well. She won’t be benefitting from that though like she has in the past (I’ve had her here a few times in the holidays which is what she will be looking for) I’m currently refraining from telling her to message the Mum of the boy whose party she sent her to instead of honouring plans she had already told my child about and then cancelled to see if she can entertain her child for a while. The one that she never plays with at school or outside of school. I don’t care if I sound bitter, I have had time to think about it and I still think it’s selfish and mean. I know from the comments on here that many people just look out for themselves even if it means a child being sad and so I intend to do the same going forward. I’m just one person but some of you might be in for a bit of a shock if more of us start being selfish, you’re probably not even aware of how much you benefit from people that give and always try to do the right thing even when it makes their own life harder.

OP posts:

Rosegard · 06/08/2026 12:16

OP, absolutely your choice to not facilitate this woman going forward.
It sounds like she suits herself.
Matching her energy and suiting yourself going forward too, sounds very wise.

Moonnstarz · 06/08/2026 12:27

Well I think how you handle this depends on whether you want to continue to disappoint your DD.
Can't you just say it doesn't look like Sarah is doing a party any more but her mum has asked if you want to do a playdate today?

I would look at other friendships too though as it sounds like your DD is quite fixated on this friend and remembering a party (or does she have sen needs?) as mine would not keep asking about this and if I said I don't think it was happening would move on.

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