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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to feel awkward being excluded from my cousin's wedding when she’s coming to mine?

364 replies

worryingday · 16/07/2026 21:26

Me and my cousin are both getting married next summer only about a month apart. We are inviting the whole family including them. They are inviting almost all the family (including other cousins) but excluding us… We are having similar sized big weddings, ours is slightly smaller. They haven’t explained why we’re excluded. We’re still as close as ever, see them regularly along with all the other family members who are invited, and they have accepted our invite (obviously hasn’t officially gone out yet).

I know you can invite who you like but it just feels really awkward with them being part of our wedding plans and getting updates but they talk about theirs and we’re not invited…

Im not going to exclude them from our wedding but AIBU to feel a bit awkward?

OP posts:
Original poster
worryingday · 17/07/2026 00:43

saraclara · 17/07/2026 00:35

I really hope that your aunts and uncles give them a bollocking. Being relegated down the family hierarchy because your dad, their brother, died, is just appalling.

I'm closer than ever to my in-law extended family since my DH died. They gathered me extra close to them after his death. So I'm appalled that anyone would do the opposite.

Maybe our shared aunts and uncles will challenge them when they find out it’s not all a mistake but my cousin’s immediate family have definitely known for months and months because my conversations with them about the wedding have been SO awkward. That also tipped me off to expect this.

Like you, I had thought we had only grown closer during my dad’s illness and following his death. So this is very painful. And goes beyond a wedding for me tbh.

OP posts:
SemperIdem · 17/07/2026 00:42

Out of interest - has your cousin accepted the invite to your wedding explicitly?

BibbityBobbity2 · 17/07/2026 00:37

Why are some people so comfortable with being so rude?!

I was taught from the time I was a young child that if you’re having a party you don’t leave one person from a group out.

There’s no good excuse for this, in my opinion. You figure out your guest list and you make sure you get a venue that can accommodate them.

At this point I would send an honest message to my cousin, saying I’ve heard they might be looking to include me in the evening part of the celebration and I wanted them to know that they shouldn’t put themselves out. That you were surprised they would leave one family group out while inviting everyone else and it has left you feeling quite hurt. I would say that I genuinely hope they have a lovely day, but they don’t need to find a way to tack you on.

saraclara · 17/07/2026 00:35

I really hope that your aunts and uncles give them a bollocking. Being relegated down the family hierarchy because your dad, their brother, died, is just appalling.

I'm closer than ever to my in-law extended family since my DH died. They gathered me extra close to them after his death. So I'm appalled that anyone would do the opposite.

Anonyanonay · 17/07/2026 00:30

FaceIt · 16/07/2026 21:35

Very odd.
Are you absolutely sure they’ve excluded you.
If they genuinely have, sorry they’re arseholes.

This.

saraclara · 17/07/2026 00:29

worryingday · 16/07/2026 23:55

Sorry to drip feed but another reason why this is so upsetting is that my dad died last year. He was the brother of cousin’s dad.

I always had this tiny fear that with my dad gone we would suddenly be left out of things, like his siblings (my aunts and uncles) would just not be as bothered anymore about us. But I told myself I was being silly and we were all so close that would never happen.

And now it feels like that’s exactly what has happened. Especially if my mum isn’t invited either.. that’s still not actually clear.

Oh that is awful. Really awful. I'm so sorry that this seems to be the reason. Your poor mum.

Original poster
worryingday · 17/07/2026 00:28

Also both weddings are local and at the weekend so no travel or annual leave for any of our shared family.

It may well take the shine off their day but that’s their own fault really.

OP posts:
Original poster
worryingday · 17/07/2026 00:27

IfItWereMe · 17/07/2026 00:18

OP, could you just clarify that you set your date AFTER your cousin had set her date.

Why did you set your date so close to her wedding? That’s putting a lot of pressure on extended family - trying to sort out annual leave, saving for presents, clothes/ hair/ makeup, maybe travel and accommodation etc. I think this is most likely to be the reason.

It is also likely to take the shine off their day and it is only natural that people will compare the two days, especially as they are so close together.

They basically refused to reveal the date of their wedding to us! First red flag we weren’t invited…

We were going to view venues and there were limited dates available. My cousin had booked her venue months ago so had many opportunities to avoid this situation by being more transparent. By the time anyone was willing to tell us the date we were just glad that there was several weeks apart from the free date of our venue that we’d started planning around.

OP posts:
Frostynoman · 17/07/2026 00:26

That’s awful. I am all for letting people invite who they want to without raising a fuss but you have to say something to them about this - it’s heartless and going to cause a big rift. Do you think they’re upset you’re getting married the same year and season as them? They’re being particularly cruel to your Mum and yourself

scoobysnaxx · 17/07/2026 00:25

worryingday · 17/07/2026 00:08

Oh god guys just when I thought this couldn’t get any worse.

They’ve said something vague about inviting me to the evening do. That feels even more awkward. To then have to show up in the evening when every other family member has been there all day and seen the service… what do you think?

Absolutely no.

id reply “but everyone else in our family has been invited.. why have I been left out?”

And I would definitely not be going to the evening.

Kokonimater · 17/07/2026 00:18

I think you need to speak up! Talk to your cousin - not the wife- and ask for an explanation. You can talk about this til the cows come home. Stop speculating, get some courage and communicate!

IfItWereMe · 17/07/2026 00:18

OP, could you just clarify that you set your date AFTER your cousin had set her date.

Why did you set your date so close to her wedding? That’s putting a lot of pressure on extended family - trying to sort out annual leave, saving for presents, clothes/ hair/ makeup, maybe travel and accommodation etc. I think this is most likely to be the reason.

It is also likely to take the shine off their day and it is only natural that people will compare the two days, especially as they are so close together.

Myswweetchild · 17/07/2026 00:17

worryingday · 17/07/2026 00:08

Oh god guys just when I thought this couldn’t get any worse.

They’ve said something vague about inviting me to the evening do. That feels even more awkward. To then have to show up in the evening when every other family member has been there all day and seen the service… what do you think?

No I wouldn't go to the evening part.
So sorry @worryingday you've been snubbed, you're now an afterthought to save face ( theirs).
I'd distance myself quite frankly in more ways than one.
Sorry for the loss of your dad x

PrincessFiorimonde · 17/07/2026 00:09

Gosh, OP, having seen your latest updates - that’s pretty awful behaviour from your cousin and her fiancee.
Sorry they’ve been so thoughtless/unkind/whatever the right word is.
Hope your own wedding is a brilliant, fabulous day Flowers

FiloPasty · 17/07/2026 00:09

Sorry @worryingday about the loss of your dad and being excluded. I hope you have a really lovely wedding for yourself, do you think they might rsvp that they can’t make yours? I don’t think I could attend a wedding of people I’d excluded from my own, what brass neck!

Original poster
worryingday · 17/07/2026 00:08

Oh god guys just when I thought this couldn’t get any worse.

They’ve said something vague about inviting me to the evening do. That feels even more awkward. To then have to show up in the evening when every other family member has been there all day and seen the service… what do you think?

OP posts:
Delphiniumandlupins · 17/07/2026 00:05

worryingday · 16/07/2026 23:55

Sorry to drip feed but another reason why this is so upsetting is that my dad died last year. He was the brother of cousin’s dad.

I always had this tiny fear that with my dad gone we would suddenly be left out of things, like his siblings (my aunts and uncles) would just not be as bothered anymore about us. But I told myself I was being silly and we were all so close that would never happen.

And now it feels like that’s exactly what has happened. Especially if my mum isn’t invited either.. that’s still not actually clear.

I think that is maybe even worse - that they would exclude their brother's/uncle's widow and daughter!

Jane143 · 17/07/2026 00:03

I think you should send a nice message but express your disappointment and especially your mum, and see what she says

beAsensible1 · 16/07/2026 23:59

Just seen your update nvm. Ew on her part

Dery · 16/07/2026 23:59

Well, that is pretty shitty on her part. Very hurtful for you. And why would she invite your mum and not you?

MixedBouquets · 16/07/2026 23:59

nomas · 16/07/2026 22:48

No wonder your cousin knows she can treat you like and get away with it, you are basically inviting her to treat you like a mug.

Not sure what the point of this thread is as you’re adamant that you want to be a martyr.

Show quote history

Nothing martyrish about deciding to honour her own original invitations.

Original poster
worryingday · 16/07/2026 23:55

Sorry to drip feed but another reason why this is so upsetting is that my dad died last year. He was the brother of cousin’s dad.

I always had this tiny fear that with my dad gone we would suddenly be left out of things, like his siblings (my aunts and uncles) would just not be as bothered anymore about us. But I told myself I was being silly and we were all so close that would never happen.

And now it feels like that’s exactly what has happened. Especially if my mum isn’t invited either.. that’s still not actually clear.

OP posts:
Sunshine1500 · 16/07/2026 23:54

I think a lot brides would be a bit annoyed having a close family book their wedding so close together. It’s a huge expense for people especially if having hen and stag dos too.

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