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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did she just not want it?

89 replies

lloydgrossmanbol · 11/07/2026 17:36

I bought my mum a handheld fan for her face during this heatwave. Has a thyroid issue so finds it hard to regulate temp.

I bought it for her and she said it didn't work. I asked her to send a video and she didn't.

I got it to return to Amazon and it works fine.

She's one of those weird people who says no to everything. I also bought her a sun umbrella which she used but she said not to at the start. We were outside today which is why I wanted to make sure she was as cool as possible - she also doesn't help herself with water, fans, hats, sun creams etc

OP posts:
MyThreeWords · 11/07/2026 19:57

You got her something she didn't want. But it's her fault because she is a mum and you are a person.

Original poster
lloydgrossmanbol · 11/07/2026 19:53

BauhausOfEliott · 11/07/2026 19:53

You sound quite overbearing and fussy. Also, if you’re as passive aggressive to your mother as you have been to pretty much everyone on this thread, I’m not surprised she fibs to you rather than just telling you she doesn’t want a fan.

She's one of those weird people who says no to everything

And you’re one of those weird people who refuses to take no for an answer. Which is why your mum lies to you.

Edited

Passive aggressive isn't what you mean.

Stop being a xxxx and look at the bigger picture

OP posts:
BauhausOfEliott · 11/07/2026 19:53

You sound quite overbearing and fussy. Also, if you’re as passive aggressive to your mother as you have been to pretty much everyone on this thread, I’m not surprised she fibs to you rather than just telling you she doesn’t want a fan.

She's one of those weird people who says no to everything

And you’re one of those weird people who refuses to take no for an answer. Which is why your mum lies to you.

Original poster
lloydgrossmanbol · 11/07/2026 19:52

MsGreying · 11/07/2026 19:51

Most successful parent purchases ever:
Dad - colour laser printer.
Mum - jigsaw light.

Worse: meta portal, throw, heated hand warmer.

Edited

Oh they sound good

OP posts:
Original poster
lloydgrossmanbol · 11/07/2026 19:52

WallaceinAnderland · 11/07/2026 19:50

She's one of those weird people who says no to everything.

She did have to lie because when she tells you she doesn't want things you ignore her and force them on her. She can't get it right can she.

No
.

I told her she doesn't have to have it.

I'll get it and if she doesn't want it I'll have it.

She was perfectly fine with the umbrella I got.her..

OP posts:
MsGreying · 11/07/2026 19:51

Most successful parent purchases ever:
Dad - colour laser printer.
Mum - jigsaw light.

Worse: meta portal, throw, heated hand warmer.

WallaceinAnderland · 11/07/2026 19:50

She's one of those weird people who says no to everything.

She did have to lie because when she tells you she doesn't want things you ignore her and force them on her. She can't get it right can she.

Meadowfinch · 11/07/2026 19:49

I'm 63 and I wouldn't want them either. It's just more clutter.

I'm perfectly capable of keeping cool without assistance, she probably is too so ask her if she would like something, before you buy.

Original poster
lloydgrossmanbol · 11/07/2026 19:43

WallaceinAnderland · 11/07/2026 18:58

Leave her alone, she can't do right for wrong here.

She didn't have to lie. So yea she can do right instead of wrong

OP posts:
Original poster
lloydgrossmanbol · 11/07/2026 19:42

Cora0 · 11/07/2026 19:03

I wouldn’t bother planning things with her if she’s known for causing problems like that. Or at least, don’t plan anything that you know she’ll purposely be a pain about. You have my sympathies; mine is also like this. I dropped the rope and let her get on with it on her own.

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She's my mother so that wouldn't work

OP posts:
Original poster
lloydgrossmanbol · 11/07/2026 19:41

JohnnieFedora · 11/07/2026 19:08

So don't go with her....

Better still, leave her at home in the first place if she's prepared to make herself so ill whilst out with her kids 🤷

Edited
Show quote history

Maybe it's a family event and I'm not a weirdo

OP posts:
JohnnieFedora · 11/07/2026 19:10

thejelliclecats · 11/07/2026 18:48

But why are you buying her a fan to begin with? She's not a toddler.

If she wanted a fan, she would buy her own.

Show quote history

Aren't people allowed to do nice things for others once they're adults?

Why does your DH buy you a Christmas/Birthday present? If you wanted what he gave you, you would have bought it alo...

JohnnieFedora · 11/07/2026 19:08

lloydgrossmanbol · 11/07/2026 18:10

I didn't fancy a trip to a and e with her

Show quote history

So don't go with her....

Better still, leave her at home in the first place if she's prepared to make herself so ill whilst out with her kids 🤷

Cora0 · 11/07/2026 19:03

lloydgrossmanbol · 11/07/2026 18:36

Unfortantly we had a planned day out and didn't want her fuckery

Show quote history

I wouldn’t bother planning things with her if she’s known for causing problems like that. Or at least, don’t plan anything that you know she’ll purposely be a pain about. You have my sympathies; mine is also like this. I dropped the rope and let her get on with it on her own.

WallaceinAnderland · 11/07/2026 18:58

Leave her alone, she can't do right for wrong here.

thejelliclecats · 11/07/2026 18:48

lloydgrossmanbol · 11/07/2026 18:35

She didn't have to lie

Show quote history

But why are you buying her a fan to begin with? She's not a toddler.

If she wanted a fan, she would buy her own.

Original poster
lloydgrossmanbol · 11/07/2026 18:37

AgentPidge · 11/07/2026 18:26

She's an adult. She made decisions for you when you couldn't make them for yourself. Let her make her own choices.

I gave her the choice not to use them.

OP posts:
Original poster
lloydgrossmanbol · 11/07/2026 18:36

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 11/07/2026 18:10

She doesn’t want your help.

Leave her be.

Then don't lie and let me use the fan

OP posts:
Original poster
lloydgrossmanbol · 11/07/2026 18:36

Fortheloveofpizza · 11/07/2026 18:25

My mum was like this. I stopped trying and much happier for it.

Unfortantly we had a planned day out and didn't want her fuckery

OP posts:
Original poster
lloydgrossmanbol · 11/07/2026 18:35

AgentPidge · 11/07/2026 18:26

She's an adult. She made decisions for you when you couldn't make them for yourself. Let her make her own choices.

She didn't have to lie

OP posts:
Original poster
lloydgrossmanbol · 11/07/2026 18:34

HolyHannah · 11/07/2026 18:33

I hate fans! Like hate, hate, hate them. So no fans for me, yes, even in this heat. I also have thyroid issues. They don't cool me, just annoy me!

Then just say that....

OP posts:
HolyHannah · 11/07/2026 18:33

I hate fans! Like hate, hate, hate them. So no fans for me, yes, even in this heat. I also have thyroid issues. They don't cool me, just annoy me!

AgentPidge · 11/07/2026 18:26

She's an adult. She made decisions for you when you couldn't make them for yourself. Let her make her own choices.

Fortheloveofpizza · 11/07/2026 18:25

My mum was like this. I stopped trying and much happier for it.

JLou08 · 11/07/2026 18:25

Maybe it's her way of telling you to stop treating her like a child.