Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did she just not want it?

89 replies

lloydgrossmanbol · 11/07/2026 17:36

I bought my mum a handheld fan for her face during this heatwave. Has a thyroid issue so finds it hard to regulate temp.

I bought it for her and she said it didn't work. I asked her to send a video and she didn't.

I got it to return to Amazon and it works fine.

She's one of those weird people who says no to everything. I also bought her a sun umbrella which she used but she said not to at the start. We were outside today which is why I wanted to make sure she was as cool as possible - she also doesn't help herself with water, fans, hats, sun creams etc

OP posts:
Original poster
lloydgrossmanbol · 11/07/2026 22:51

JohnnieFedora · 11/07/2026 22:00

Every event is a family event?

Are you her only family then? Why is she your responsibility?

Show quote history

Why are you questioning and making assumptions. Don't

OP posts:
Original poster
lloydgrossmanbol · 11/07/2026 22:50

CunningLinguist2 · 11/07/2026 22:16

It helps a tonne! I have thermoregulation issues because of my missing thyroid as well & swear by my JL handheld fan!

Show quote history

Yeah apparently all those women who are peri and menapausal shouldn't be using their fans either lol

OP posts:
CunningLinguist2 · 11/07/2026 22:16

happidayss · 11/07/2026 22:11

A stupid little hand held fan won’t stop someone from becoming unwell in a heat wave.

It helps a tonne! I have thermoregulation issues because of my missing thyroid as well & swear by my JL handheld fan!

CunningLinguist2 · 11/07/2026 22:15

NormasArse · 11/07/2026 18:11

I also have a thyroid issue- I’ll take your fan!

Me too!

happidayss · 11/07/2026 22:11

A stupid little hand held fan won’t stop someone from becoming unwell in a heat wave.

JohnnieFedora · 11/07/2026 22:00

lloydgrossmanbol · 11/07/2026 21:58

It was a family event.

Show quote history

Every event is a family event?

Are you her only family then? Why is she your responsibility?

Original poster
lloydgrossmanbol · 11/07/2026 21:59

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 11/07/2026 18:10

She doesn’t want your help.

Leave her be.

Yeah course she doesn't when she took the other things I bought her

OP posts:
Original poster
lloydgrossmanbol · 11/07/2026 21:58

JohnnieFedora · 11/07/2026 21:58

You don't have to invite her out places where she deliberately endangers herself...

Just stick to visiting her at home or whatever isn't dangerous/inconvenient 🤷🤷

Show quote history

It was a family event.

OP posts:
JohnnieFedora · 11/07/2026 21:58

lloydgrossmanbol · 11/07/2026 19:42

She's my mother so that wouldn't work

Show quote history

You don't have to invite her out places where she deliberately endangers herself...

Just stick to visiting her at home or whatever isn't dangerous/inconvenient 🤷🤷

JohnnieFedora · 11/07/2026 21:55

lloydgrossmanbol · 11/07/2026 19:57

Unfortantly she can't be reasoned with

Show quote history

You don't need to reason with her.

Just tell her to shut up complaining about being hot if she's going to do fuck all about it.

AspiringChatBot · 11/07/2026 21:39

I think it's safe to say she didn't want it. Maybe she genuinely thought it didn't work, maybe she meant it didn't work for her (she didn't find it cooling, she thought it was too much trouble to lug around, it makes an irritating noise, etc.) If you're sure she specifically meant to tell you it was defective, all you can do is show her how it works and if she still doesn't want it say you'll take it back to use yourself. Since you said you planned to get it anyway and use it yourself if she didn't want it, can you bring it along on the outing for yourself and have it ready to "lend" to her if she starts to show signs of overheating or distress?

Original poster
lloydgrossmanbol · 11/07/2026 21:39

Petrolitis · 11/07/2026 21:38

I agree, the mum probably didn't want it but was too scared to say so, or maybe it's dodgy and didn't work when she tried it.

Given how nasty the OP is being about their own elderly mum, its no surprise s/he is rude to posters.

Show quote history

Why? She knew she could just give it back and I would send back to Amazon

OP posts:
Petrolitis · 11/07/2026 21:38

BauhausOfEliott · 11/07/2026 19:57

It absolutely is what I mean and yes, I am looking at the bigger picture. The bigger picture is you.

Show quote history

I agree, the mum probably didn't want it but was too scared to say so, or maybe it's dodgy and didn't work when she tried it.

Given how nasty the OP is being about their own elderly mum, its no surprise s/he is rude to posters.

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 11/07/2026 21:38

So how old is she?

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 11/07/2026 21:36

lloydgrossmanbol · 11/07/2026 19:53

Passive aggressive isn't what you mean.

Stop being a xxxx and look at the bigger picture

Show quote history

The irony of telling a poster that what she said isn’t what she means, on a thread about you not listening to your mother.

Look, she doesn’t want your well intentioned things. If she has to go to A&E due to (what you think is) her own actions, let her. If someone turns up at hospital alone, staff will make sure she’s in the queue, they’ll get someone to wheel her around etc. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking you are indispensable and everyone and everything will fall apart unless you intervene.

If she overheats, she’ll get ill, she might go to A&E, she might not. Either way, she’s an adult and can make her own choices.

Original poster
lloydgrossmanbol · 11/07/2026 21:31

Hellohelga · 11/07/2026 21:03

How old is she? Could she be losing capacity? If she won’t take advice to keep cool don’t take her out.

No she's always been like this and it's frigging annoying.

She's the type that take pain relief when she has a head ache but if you stubb your toe and shout ouch she thinks your are awful

OP posts:
Original poster
lloydgrossmanbol · 11/07/2026 21:30

Tillow4ever · 11/07/2026 21:27

Maybe she lied because you’ve got form for this and she is trying to not appear ungrateful.

You are choosing to buy her things YOU think she wants. If you had asked her in advance, and she had said yes she wanted it, then lied like this you’d have a point. So try asking up front.

Re the fan, message her now and say “good news, Amazon are replacing the broken fan, it will be with you tomorrow.” See what she says. She’ll either have to fess up or you’ll find that she really was having an issue you couldn’t replicate and she will be pleased.

I suspect though there's a massive backstory regarding your relationship, and I suspect that will be pertinent. Whether you are reasonable or not will very much depend on your history.

Form for what? Making sure my disabled mother doesn't overheat in a heatwave? Ok.

Give your heD awobble

OP posts:
Tillow4ever · 11/07/2026 21:27

Maybe she lied because you’ve got form for this and she is trying to not appear ungrateful.

You are choosing to buy her things YOU think she wants. If you had asked her in advance, and she had said yes she wanted it, then lied like this you’d have a point. So try asking up front.

Re the fan, message her now and say “good news, Amazon are replacing the broken fan, it will be with you tomorrow.” See what she says. She’ll either have to fess up or you’ll find that she really was having an issue you couldn’t replicate and she will be pleased.

I suspect though there's a massive backstory regarding your relationship, and I suspect that will be pertinent. Whether you are reasonable or not will very much depend on your history.

Hellohelga · 11/07/2026 21:03

How old is she? Could she be losing capacity? If she won’t take advice to keep cool don’t take her out.

Original poster
lloydgrossmanbol · 11/07/2026 21:01

BillieWiper · 11/07/2026 19:59

She doesn't want it. Only buy her things she says she needs. Not things you think she does. Would you like her buying you things you don't want?

A handheld Spanish style fan is as effective as those little portable ones anyway.

Than she can say she didn't find it useful and give to back. Not saying it's broken..

Why are you so weird and think people should lie

OP posts:
Original poster
lloydgrossmanbol · 11/07/2026 21:01

Springsummertime · 11/07/2026 20:41

You're one of those people that don’t have many friends and wonder why - when’s it’s blatantly obvious to everyone around you!

Bit of a weird thing to write. You ok Hun?

OP posts:
Springsummertime · 11/07/2026 20:41

You're one of those people that don’t have many friends and wonder why - when’s it’s blatantly obvious to everyone around you!

BillieWiper · 11/07/2026 19:59

She doesn't want it. Only buy her things she says she needs. Not things you think she does. Would you like her buying you things you don't want?

A handheld Spanish style fan is as effective as those little portable ones anyway.

Original poster
lloydgrossmanbol · 11/07/2026 19:57

JohnnieFedora · 11/07/2026 18:09

Just let her be and then tell her to STFU if she ever complains about being too hot.

Unfortantly she can't be reasoned with

OP posts:
BauhausOfEliott · 11/07/2026 19:57

lloydgrossmanbol · 11/07/2026 19:53

Passive aggressive isn't what you mean.

Stop being a xxxx and look at the bigger picture

Show quote history

It absolutely is what I mean and yes, I am looking at the bigger picture. The bigger picture is you.

Swipe left for the next trending thread