How to get over limerance

It can pass but you usually have to go no contact and stick to it
If your prone to limerence, you might get it for someone else. It's not pleasant, but it can go.

She didn't lose her home, children etc because of an awful man, she lost it because of the consequences of her own actions.

Also, how come she lost her children and grandchildren? If my mum had an affair I can't imagine turning my back on her. Not that I'm condoning adultery obviously.

This is possibly the saddest post I have read re an affair.

I I I.

what about your husband
his wife
your children?

but it’s all about “ I already know things that will drive me insane but will do it anyway “

I'm going through my mother's estate papers. Found evidence of two affairs. The first she got away with the second smashed her marriage. She kept the love letters from one, photos and poetry from the second. FFS it was Forty six years ago. She lost a lovely home, her children, grandchildren because of an awful man who was only looking for a new fuck. He never left his wife died the following year. His children were disgusted by his behaviour.

She adored his memory to the day she died at 90 years of age.

My dad never recovered. None of us did really.

I don’t think there’s much sympathy for the other woman.

Sure. But a stream of posts telling her how awful she is aren’t massively helpful.

Limerence or affair it doesn’t really matter, you clearly don’t want it to stop or you wouldn’t go and meet him. Stop acting like you don’t have any control over this, the solution is simple.

People are judgy because the OP is selfish and it’s agony to be on the receiving end of this. Of course people see others they fancy but when you are married you have to instantly shut down these feelings, if you need to actively avoid a situation or going to a place then that’s what you do.

See this is excellent advice. Let’s not pretend it doesn’t happen and that those who slip up are ogres.

But understand it won’t make you happy OP and it’s not worth it.

I think the only thing you can do OP is not go there and see him. Imagine the fallout if you have an affair and blow your marriage up.

I would also analyse why it happened- what is missing in your marriage. Can you do anything about that? Go to therapy together?

Wish people wouldn’t be so judgy on here. 50% of marriages end in divorce. I bet there’s a lot of people wandering around snogging others. It happens a lot.

It will pass OP - you just need to not see him.

I’ve been there so I’m not going to judge. But I would go back to that single point where I decided to act on impulse and change it every single time. No good can come of this obsession. Not one single iota. You will look back on it with, deserved, shame and guilt and regret if you do not leave this alone right now.

Leave it. Step away. Enough now.

Yes tell your DH, seeing him heartbroken will give you something else to think of, as will selling your house and moving to smaller accommodation.

You are having an affair, tell your husband. That may get you to think rationally.

This must be a hell of a place that you keep going to if you genuinely believe that not going there would be just as terrible and unbearable as destroying your marriage. Where the fuck is it, Narnia?

stop go to that place you'll meet the man. it's simple.

Could be both, stop going to this place is your solution. You are putting yourself in this position willingly because you actually want to. Sort out whats gone wrong with your husband.

This is really shitty behaviour! You can try and dress is up anyway you want by claiming limerance but what it boils down is you are continuing to go to the same bar and kiss another bloke that’s a choice!!

Stealth brag for having netted a sexy mini-train driver!

😂

And now you have me worrying that my DH is the affair partner... 😂😂

It never ceases to amaze me how anyone would have such little moral fiber that they’d hurt their spouse and children by cheating. What you’re fantasising about is so interwoven with hurting them that I’d have thought that would be enough to stop the thoughts. If they find out it’ll change your family forever. Is this really what you want to be remembered as?

Are you the poster who was planning on going to a club night/hotel stay alone where this guy would be, even though he'd previously told you he's in a relationship?

Edited- sorry, scrolling and had missed that PPs had also picked up on the previous thread. Glad it's not just jumping out at me though!
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5544631-shall-i-go-out-on-my-own-tonight

How do I stop going to a place where something happens that I don’t want to do, which I don’t have to go to, because I have the agency and willpower of an 8 year old.

Er, don’t go there?

You’re making a choice to cheat on your husband. You continue going to the place where you know you’ll see this man.
Stop going, work on your marriage and work on yourself.

You need do this the other way around, put the energy into your DH and then you’ll think less about him. How about a weekend away or a holiday, concert, go and see a comedian together etc?

Stop cheating in your husband, get a grip and FFS can we ban this word on MN pls