Friend has gotten really funny due to my weekend away with man

Then again, if OP is being a shit friend generally, this might feel like the final straw for her friend. Friends can only be expected to 'understand and adapt' if they are still treated like they matter in someone's life, as opposed to 'well, I might go on holiday with you or I might not, depends if I get a better offer.'

If you've never met the kind of person I'm talking about, you won't know what I mean, so in that context I can sort of see why you might find it 'bizarre'. Doesn't change the fact that there are people out there of the type I described in my previous post, who are not capable of maintaining friendships and relationships at the same time and expect their friends to be OK with being picked up and dropped according to their own relationship status.

...and for all we know she doesn't. In fact given she's been single for three years it seems probably not. Comments such as yours are bizarre - like you can EITHER have female friends OR start a new relationship but definitely not both. In the real world people manage to strike up new relationships while keeping their friends without any trouble at all. But then not all friends are jealous needy children like the one here seems to be.

Of course you can’t give the same attention to friends when you start a new relationship in the same way that you can’t give the same attention to friends when you have a baby, have a demanding jobs or have parents who need looking after. Your good friends understand this and adapt to when you can see them and in the fullness of time things change and maybe in the future you will have that weekend away together. I wouldn’t dream of talking to a good friend like that who was excited about a new relationship- you learn this lesson when you’re a teenager hopefully.

It'd be interesting to know whether those defending OP are the type of people who expect their friends to fade into the background when they are in a relationship and magically re-emerge if/when said relationship ends and they need a shoulder to cry on. I think most of us have met people of that type, and for all we know OP may have past form for this.

Well if you're 13 I suppose you might think a friend prioritising somebody else other than you one time, when you hadn't even made any plans, amounts to them 'dropping you', but being a grown up I understand that the world doesn't revolve around me. This 'friend' clearly hasn't got that far yet.

So you think it's OK for a friend to say to you that you are 'choosing dick' just because you want to spend time with a potential long term partner, not forgetting the fact her time away suggestions were not within your budget. I'd happily drop this type of friend due to her lack of support regarding my date & her controlling jealous behaviour.

Wow no, I’d never drop a friend for a new bloke. Shocked you think thays hugely reasonable.

op, I also think your friends got a point and some of your comments are really unpleasant,

All these people waffling on about how she’s got a point. Maybe the bloke paid for the weekend away. And tell me if someone you were interested in wanted to go away with you you wouldn’t jump instead of going away with your friend. The woman’s been single years and put her child first , surely she’s owed a naughty weekend away. The friend sounds jealous. If she’s that desperate to get away hasn’t she got other friends to go with? Obviously not with her bad attitude. She should be happy for her friend. Honestly the self obsessed entitlement of some people really riles me. Don’t worry about her get yourself away and enjoy sniffing the cock or whatever else you wanna do to it.

Jesus the replies on the first few pages are bonkers; I swear half of MN must live in nunneries. Is it really that bad that the OP is prioritising a bit of free time away from her kids with a man for the first time in THREE YEARS over going away with somebody she sees all the time? The friend sounds like a pain in the arse who thinks she's entitled to have first dibs on the OP at all times and to have an effective veto on the OP getting serious with another man so long as there have been vague conversations about going away at some point. I honestly think if I was in the friend's position I'd be encouraging the OP to go if the OP had good vibes about the thing. Apologies if this has already been answered, but I'll take a wild stab that the friend is single?

Goodness! I think the friend is being unreasonable! I can totally see why you may have chosen a weekend away for some private time with a new partner, particularly if you have a child. There are things you may want to do with a partner which you can't do with the friend! I am guessing it is much easier to have 'friend time' from your home environment over the course of an evening or a day. Don't get me wrong, a weekend with a friend is great, but when you go to bed, you go to separate rooms/beds. Private time with a new partner may be what you need to either cement the relationship and really know whether it's going somewhere, or decide it's not for you. I think your friend is being selfish, begrudging you time away when you're probably feeling happy about romantic possibilities. I imagine if the relationship goes wrong, she'll be quite unpleasant to you then as well. Friends who don't support you being happy may not be the best of friends after all. I am also not sure why she is so upset about you not going 'away' with her. Does she want to spend time with you? Is that it? In which case, there are other ways/means. You could do a few day trips or just commit to time together near home if money is an issue. Is she jealous? Has she been single for a while? Life is long, time is short, and you need to grasp chances of happiness while you can. She's clearly upset; no harm apologising, but I don't think you've done anything fundamentally wrong that a good friend wouldn't understand and forgive. I also think friends who get angry with you and tell you off (as it sounds like she is) are a bit like boyfriends who do the same... maybe not the best... if she just told you you'd hurt her feelings, that would probably be easier to deal with. At least you could have a talk about it and explain your point of view. Once someone is 'offended', all bets are off...

I'm sorry, but I disagree with most of the posters here. She should be happy for you that you have found someone to spend some time with after being on your own for 3 years. If it was me, I would wish you luck, and be happy for you - that's what a good friend would do. She wants you to put her first, and you are putting you first, I see nothing wrong with that. Enjoy your weekend!

The "friend" is massively overstepping boundaries, she sounds jealous and entitled.
And actually, even without the guy in the picture, demanding that a single mum who's not particularly wealthy goes on a luxury holiday with you just because you want it, is not ok.

Actually it sounds like she does like her since she doesn’t say anything about these issues.

Oh this is really nasty.

FWIW - my best friend is also a terrible snorer. Horrific. However, when we have weekends away we always get a twin room, so not sharing a bed, and I take my earphones.

It sounds like you don’t like your friend.
You should just tell her straight that you’d rather spend time with a new bloke than her. Be honest.

I'm with you, OP. If my friend found someone after being single for 3 years, I would be happy for her, and I wouldn't begrudge her going away with him. And I don't get upset when friends don't want to do something I suggest. I ask another friend or do it myself.
'Sniff a cock' would offend me, though.

Your friend sounds like a monumental pain in the arse. Jealous and entitled. A real friend would be happy for you.

Awkward… but hey - sooner or later the dynamic with your best friend is going to take on a different shape anyway - either due to your relationship with this guy, or with someone else. You can tell your friend you’re sorry you’ve hurt her but let her know that she’s hurt you in return with her cheap insinuation. Meanwhile have a GREAT weekend and be careful as you step inside the ropes once again. Best wishes.

She should be set up with whiffy growler man on https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5546018-to-cancel-date-over-his-joke

The trouble is OP you have dithered in giving her a reply but in her eyes you have jumped at the chance to be away with this new bloke so she is offended/upset now anyhow….

all you can do is try and plan something with her in the fixed future. If you can’t afford her choices then say so and then come up with reasonable alternatives. It’s then in her ball park to respond.

but I get why she said what she did, one of my former friends was seeing someone else while being married, and telling hubby she was out with me when she wasn’t, so when I wanted to go somewhere she couldn’t. I was pretty peeved when she told me..

Cock snifters could be the new penis beakers

Thanks for this - made me laugh out loud, now the baby woke up! And my mindless scrolling has to no come to and end! Can’t wait for the rest of this cock sniffing thread..

Not sure, excessive clinginess is very often all about control, resorting to vile vulgar insults when disappointed is not an indicator of a good friend. Feeling entitled to take priority on how OP’s plans organises her holidays and her expenses plans is not healthy.

The only thing that would make the OP toxic is being nasty telling what she has noticed, but has not expressed: that “friend” is overweight, a big snorer and not considerate about how the money is spent. All are a big problem if they are sharing a double room to keep expenses low.

The friend doesn’t show much consideration when deciding on expenses even when op is a single mum and probably doesn’t have much money to spare. So possibly the kindest thing is not to show much interest in traveling with her and making excuses when pushed rather than telling her why she doesn’t enjoy traveling with her? Telling her the truth must be more toxic than shutting up and make her plans as she pleases.

I mean, the first 3 words of this nails it. Is there any risk OP has failed to pick up on signals that her friend wants more?

Switch the situation. If she did that to you, how would you feel?