Wealthy MIL hoarding money

Eh?

A brother isn’t different from a parent?

Behave yourself!

Each brother has their own children to help and support in life.

Imagine even suggesting that!

MIL is worth a few Million. Lives in a 6 bed, 6 bath mansion. Has multiple cars. Takes several long haul holidays every year, always business class. Lots of investments. Lots and lots of properties that she rents out. She's in very good health and in her mid 70's. Most women in the family live until 95. I'd say she's on track to do the same.

Now here's the rub. She was given a property and a business by her wealthy parents. She also inherited substantially. But she has effectively pulled up the ladder behind her, and has not given any such help to DH or his brother. We are ok for money, however BIL is on the breadline. He has young kids too. They are crammed into a tiny ex-council house and live pay cheque to pay cheque. They have no treats or niceties, no meals out, no holidays etc, as the money just won't stretch.

Obviously when MIL passes, unless she needs care, DH and BIL will receive a very nice inheritance, but if she does indeed live until 95, DH and BIL will be in their early 70's by then.

How would you feel about this? I'm struggling to wrap my head around it, tbh. DH and I have adult children, and we have helped them financially to get on the housing ladder, to get married etc, even though we don't have anything near this kind of wealth.

AIBU to think that MIL should have done the same as her parents did for her, and given DH and BIL a leg up, just like she had?

Has anyone else experienced this?

Enough to give lots to your dc though.

I can’t imagine a brother not helping his brother. Your DH isn’t that different from his mum.

We don't have ££££ lying around like MIL does.

You’ll get loads of people on here telling you you’re being grabby, it’s her money blah blah. But I’m with you op!. Why would you watch your own child and grandchildren struggle when they don’t need to.

It’s odd, but many of that generation are funny about leaving to children and not necessarily directly to their grandchildren. I have suggested that PiLs leave DH’s share directly to DGC but they want to keep it fair between DH and SiL. My kids will inherit from both as SiL has no kids so mine are the only grandkids.

Ultimately DH will invest in assets that the DC will get, but it will be subject to IHT as he will have assets of his own taking his bequests over the threshold, so the DCs will get it eventually but just much less of it after the tax man has had two bits of the cherry, so to speak. It makes no sense.

Did she not leave any to you?

My mother experienced this with her own parents. She had no idea the amount of money and assets they were sitting on. It came from her father’s family and both he and his sister lived extremely modestly.

When they both passed and she and her sister inherited she was sad that her parents couldn’t see the benefit of the money. It had just sat in bank accounts etc for years. My mother subsequently cut her working hours, which is time she could have spent with her parents and young children. I was the only one still at home and was pretty occupied with the last years of school so didn’t really benefit from her time.

She has made sure to pass the money to us early for university, deposits, weddings and savings for grandchildren.

Wouldn’t you voice your reasons to your kids though if a) you had a healthy relationship with them and b) if the disparity between your lifestyle and theirs was very obvious. We don’t know all the ins and outs obviously, but just looking at it purely surface level it all seems a bit Scrooge-like.

A recent asset was sold for £500k. Partner does not have the same kind of money. Without going into specifics, we know that MIL pays for most of their holidays and meals out.

I'm not trying to defend her, though I will defend her right to spend her money how she wants. I just think she must have a reason she's doing things the way she is. Sometimes things can seem black and white until you hear the other side, then it does all make sense. Unless MIL replies, we'd never know.

I wouldn't do what she is doing. My children will be and are taken care of very well, even beyond my death. I'm also generous with my parents. I do support the right of other people to do things differently though.

MIL is worth a few Million. Lives in a 6 bed, 6 bath mansion. Has multiple cars. Takes several long haul holidays every year, always business class. Lots of investments. Lots and lots of properties that she rents out. She's in very good health and in her mid 70's. Most women in the family live until 95. I'd say she's on track to do the same.

Now here's the rub. She was given a property and a business by her wealthy parents. She also inherited substantially. But she has effectively pulled up the ladder behind her, and has not given any such help to DH or his brother. We are ok for money, however BIL is on the breadline. He has young kids too. They are crammed into a tiny ex-council house and live pay cheque to pay cheque. They have no treats or niceties, no meals out, no holidays etc, as the money just won't stretch.

Obviously when MIL passes, unless she needs care, DH and BIL will receive a very nice inheritance, but if she does indeed live until 95, DH and BIL will be in their early 70's by then.

How would you feel about this? I'm struggling to wrap my head around it, tbh. DH and I have adult children, and we have helped them financially to get on the housing ladder, to get married etc, even though we don't have anything near this kind of wealth.

AIBU to think that MIL should have done the same as her parents did for her, and given DH and BIL a leg up, just like she had?

Has anyone else experienced this?