To consider Only Fans

I'm not being funny but, when I was at university I paid my own way. I paid rent and bought my own food. Why aren't they doing the same?

Cross posted with @Sausagedognamedmash. This is a family emergency and the solution should be a joint one.

I would call a family meeting and lay your financial situation on the line to all your kids, explain you all have to figure out a way to, say, make another $100 a month each. This should be a family effort. If you all had a much smaller amount to find it should be easier, brainstorm together but please keep OF and sex work off the table. I am in the USA but my three young adult kids are very resourceful. I really think your kids would be absolutely devastated to think you are considering OF rather than turning to them. Another $25 a week each is not much and maybe you can all do some ruthless budgeting. They are adults and they need to know the reality; you CANNOT be the one responsible for providing for 4 healthy adults - 3 of whom are young and don’t have kids or other responsibilities. This is also a temporary situation just to get everyone through college. In fact as the older ones graduate maybe they can throw a little more in the kitty to help those still in college. My two young adult daughters both made money on Depop selling second hand clothes, doing a bit of babysitting etc. My son does DoorDash (I am in the states) and mows lawns and does some tasks for elderly neighbors.

I think you need to be realistic with your DC OP. You can't shield them from reality, it won't help them when they finally move out. They need to be contributing to the rent, bills, food shop etc as they would if they were in halls/student shared house etc. the majority of their peers will be working alongside their course in order to pay for these things. Yes living at home gives them a slight advantage in terms of not paying the extortionate fees aimed at student housing, but you are struggling to keep the lights on and everyone fed. They need to understand that and help. If they have no personal expenses beyond their social life, at least 70% of their wage needs to be plowed into the home.

It’s not easy to find higher paying jobs! If you have a secret method, let me know!

Just want to say O.P, first off you should be really proud that your three kids are clearly doing well in life, working/at uni. Well done.

Secondly, look at PIP again if you can for your eldest. Many are turned down the first time. I know the paperwork is a bloody pain but worth it in the long run.

Finally, I don't know anything about Only Fans but sounds like you wouldn't be able to make much from it. If you did do it, I wouldn't tell your kids. What about a cleaning job? You can make decent money and be flexible or possibly dog walking or doggy day care the odd weekend...

Just looking at this logically, surely 3 adult kids working part time and 2 of them with small uni loans as well could be covering the food shop between them. At £600 a month say, which in my mind is do-able for 4 adults (admittedly not loads of luxuries all the time) that would be £200 each? Which in real terms is super cheap to essentially include rent, bills and food???
That way your money could do rent, council tax, utilities and I’m sure a little ‘fun’ money and a little bit of savings?
I think you’re supporting them too much, when it’s just not tenable and grown up kids need to pay their way if you’re not on £80k to sustain it all. £200 is soooo cheap for what they’re getting, but would make a massive difference to you.
put that in place before even considering only fans and be brutally honest with them that you can’t continue as you are

I make £100 a month at least selling on Vinted - you must have so much stuff around with 4 adults. It would take just as long if not more to try and sell stuff and market it via social media. You don’t have to pay tax on that money either, whereas additional income from OF is more complicated especially as you have a £40k. Other options: copywriting, virtual assistant, drop shopping.

I love how people think it’s so easy. Delusion. It’s a HIGHLY saturated market and in order to make money you have to be all over socials marketing yourself as well as chatting to grotesque males regularly. Faceless will earn you NOTHING. You need a more realistic plan as unless you have something very different to offer or you are very young and gorgeous you are being completely unrealistic quite frankly

Is it really worth embarrasing yourself and your children by going on OnlyFans!?

“Get a higher paid job” doesn’t even count as advice. It’s just someone saying something stupid. For a lot of people, £40k is a higher paid job. It’s just that in reality it doesn’t go that far. I’m on a similar salary, and I don’t have a lot of money left over, and I’m not supporting 3 other adults. I also don’t have skills, qualifications or connections that would allow me to earn more. But when I went to uni I had to pay rent and buy my own food and pay for transport etc because I didn’t live at home and my parents couldn’t help me so I do think that your children could contribute more.

I would just shelve the whole OF idea. I know someone who earns a living this way so she knows a lot about it. You can’t make money if you won’t show your face, you can’t make money from your feet, people will always try to get things for free. The only way you can make money is by either already being famous, or by building up a loyal fan base over time. My friend works non stop, all hours of the day, gets up in the middle if the night to catch the American audience. Doesn’t take a day off. Even then, people will try to get your time for free, or ask you to do degrading or horrible things e.g. my friend was asked by a guy to racially abuse him. You also live in constant fear that people will find out. My friend bit the bullet and told everyone so that no one could blackmail her or have power over her. People she knows have looked up her page, she’s been gossiped about and judged. It can never just be a normal job, even when you do make money.

I have nothing against OF tbh, I'm not going to do it but if someone chooses to then fine BUT I do have a friend of a friend who did it, she actually made a really good amount of money and enjoyed what she did, she has 3 children (all boys), at the time were 21, 17, 16 and did it for the reasons you sound like you are, she didn't tell them but a friend of the eldest found her videos, then the brother of the youngest friends did and suddenly everyone knew and the youngest 2 were bullied mercilessly by their mates and they HATED being the kids who's mum was "a porn star" (which is how they saw it), she quit soon after they made their feelings known but it has taken near enough 3 years to get their relationship back on track, they were incredibly upset by it and the eldest was extremely angry for a while and frankly, got in a ton of fights defending his mum.

Think very carefully bout your children.

That and "renting out a cupboard"? Is that a thing?

One giveaway was the inaccuracy. The AI missed that permanence of content means risk of future back-trailing (ironically, assisted by AI).

I think you're amazing for having turned things around the way you have, and completely respect your desire to let your kids make the most of their uni experience without having to worry about money. I think it's boneheaded and insensitive the way people just keep banging on about making your kids pay more as the solution to the problem. Though not quite as boneheaded as "just get a higher paying job" 🙄

The thing that stands out for me is that one of your children will be finished their degree in one more year, and then in a position to be completely financially self sufficient (even if it means they have to take whatever job they can get rather than taking time to get one fitting their qualifications). From that point things surely start getting easier - a few years after that, the last one finishes and then you're basically just having to support yourself and semi-support the one that's struggling, You can surely do that on 40K.

So isn't the answer to take out debt to carry you over for the next year? Even if it takes you some time after that to gradually pay it back. Obviously it's something people bristle at, but this seems like a rare situation where it's justified and makes sense. Would a personal loan of 5K or so be just enough to tip the balance for this year, and get you over the hump?

It doesn't seem to make sense to think about desperate measures like OF to solve a problem that is so short term and temporary.

Nope. I couldn't tell at all. Probably because I've been accused of using AI before, even though I've literally never used it

That was a ChatGPT response, surely you could tell that? I wish there was some way for MN to ban them.

The market is so oversaturated, every type of person and content already exists.

And it’s put out by people who are a lot more committed and experienced (eg. Doing requests; marketing across their social media; messaging 1-on-1).

Anyone joining now has nothing to offer, except maybe to curious acquaintances and colleagues.

The average income is £150 a month. That's not worth it.

OP, I don’t have anything to add except to put yourself in your kids’ place. I can’t imagine the guilt I’d feel if I knew my mum had chosen to pimp herself out to strangers online so that I could have some nights off at uni. I’d work every bloody night of the week to stop that happening. Your kids love you, and your two at university are both now adults. I know it’s not the advice most people would give but I’d have an honest conversation with them about how desperate you are and what you’re considering. You can all pitch in to fix this together.

Also, please, please listen to the other posters who point out that what most people earn from OF is a pittance. You’d be putting yourself online for eternity and getting zip back in return. It isn’t worth the life long cost, even if you say you won’t show your face.

For God's sake. Like its that easy? We don't even know what field she's in, plenty have an upper limit and it takes years (and more money) to retrain in something else with a higher salary. Nothing unskilled/requiring no experience pays over 40k a year.

@Daydreamnotbeliever If you are not working today, or on your next day off, take the day to see how you can reduce any outgoings (if there is anything left you can cut) and how you can reduce your food bill - if this is possible.

Then you need to ask your uni age kids to contribute to bills - even if it is £10/£20 per week, it will all help. Can they work another couple of hours a week?

Don't do OF - you won't make any money as it's saturated and the creators who make money are all young, it's degrading and can have future consequences. Your kids would not want you to do OF so they can have an easier time. What if it affected your current job? You would be better off getting another job with hourly pay - care work? Something with flexible hours?

Food bills - look at your receipts - is there anything that jumps out as being expensive? For fruit and vegetables - can you switch to cheaper ones? Think apples, bananas, oranges, carrots and cabbage instead of berries, salad leaves and broccolli. Frozen vegetables are cheap and as nutritious. Can you add in some cheaper meals for dinners? Things like dhal, vegetable curries, beans on cheese on toast etc.

Can you cut any outgoings? Any subscriptions? Change energy provider?

Money Saving Expert is good for ideas

MN has a cost of living section https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/cost_of_living

More ideas for for side hustles https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/cost_of_living/4656500-real-side-hustles-that-actually-work

What would you feel if one of your children did this, now or in the future?

I think you need cash in hand work.

What about babysitting? Evenings or weekend? I know you work 1/4 weekends - but you could do on the other weekends. Build up local families.

Overnight with kids for someone who does nights?

Children's birthday parties. Face painting. Can get quite a lot of this if you are good- but do need cash for the kit.

I guarantee, your kids would rather work and contribute more than having their mum on only fans so they can fully enjoy their uni experience. Even over taking a second job tbh. I never went to uni but I helped support the household at 18 when my mum was severely ill. I don’t regret it at all and I cannot imagine the deep shame I’d feel to this day at the thought of her having to do sex work so I could fully focus on uni which from what my friends told me largely consists of going out, getting pissed and lying in bed until the next lecture.