Welp i yelled so angerly at my 6 year old yesterday

I literally suggested a bedtime routine with stories and also stated that it would be highly annoying but I'm unsure if the advice is something the OP really wants or just confirmation that this is ok.

I sounds like there is a big disconnect between the two of you. You firmly told her to go to bed and it sounds like she was maybe hoping that you would connect with her before bedtime, which is usual for kids to seek before bedtime, so she was hurt/angry by her perceived rejection so 'punished' you by throwing your stuff and making a mess. You in turn punished her. It's quite likely that she is biding her time to try and punish you back. It sounds like you are trapped in an unhealthy dynamic. I would really use this time to reflect and work on your connection. Put aside 30 minutes every evening and talk to her in bed about her day, read stories, laugh, etc. Keep trying to find times to connect during the day too.

I work with families of 'troubled teenagers' and so often I hear back stories like this. Angry children acting out, parents punishing and they get stuck in these cycles.

I can say I never hear of gentle parenting being the root of angry defiant teenagers!

The few people actually trying to help her are at least doing something positive. I agree she's getting defensive in her updates but she's clearly not in a place where she can take shitty comments on board. Those just attacking her with no constructive advice should seriously reflect on whether they're doing anything to help this struggling parent or whether they're just making themselves feel good about their own parenting.

Perhaps some of us think the punishments are unnecessary and extreme and are not needed__ as we have produced well rounded young adults without them. Perhaps you are deluding yourself that they work and don't just damage the relationship with your offspring.

I despair at some of these replies as a parent and teacher. Children these days have no concept of actions have consequences because parents think disciplining their children is abuse. No screen time for doing that seems reasonable. Swearing at her is obviously unreasonable so you need to apologise to her. It's ok to raise your voice sometimes when you're angry and frustrated, it shows your children you're human too. It's what you do after that matters.

I don't think she necessarily did it for attention or because she was anxious. The most likely explanation is that she did it because it was fun!

But what you are stating as fact is simply not true, 'these days' references are just hyperbolic, I myself was brought up in a way that was pretty liberal for the day, my parents never punished me, they just told me not to do something if it was wrong. I have brought up my DC the same, they are emotionally intelligent, self disciplined and bright so guess what they aren't a problem to their teachers or society, just like I wasn't! There is a difference between permissiveness and being a rational, reasonable parent that tells a child what they did is irritating and wrong and unkind as it has to be tidied up but doesn't see their child as their adversary. Equally, at such a young age I would wonder where I could improve the situation.

No one is saying that there should be no discipline, but as a teacher you should recognise what is excessive (beyond the obvious, no one will agree the swearing is ok). A day of no screen time, yes that’s fair. An opportunity to re-earn privileges with an appropriate chore (brushing and wiping the stairs) is also ok. But carrying on the punishment today with no usual treat after the dentist is overkill. Today’s event, encouragement to do something that might cause a worry, being taken over by something that happened and was dealt with yesterday- absolutely unnecessary. The consequences had already been in place, would you as a teacher say ‘Marcus, you can’t chose story time today even though it’s your turn because you threw glitter yesterday. This is despite you missing afternoon playtime as a punishment yesterday’. One consequence for a irritating but un severe action is enough.

No, but I know as full formed adults, with a vastly superior level of emotional intelligence than a lot of deconstructed adults, they won't be name calling people they don't know on the internet just because they have anger issues stemming from some horrible upbringing!

What a well rounded response to someone giving an individual perspective without assuming it is the absolute. And an excellent way to prove how instantly using antagonistic tones when riled doesn’t yield positive outcomes.

I agree with this. Too many parents seem scared to tell their children off, shout at them or give them any consequence
Obviously OP doesn't usually shout at her child because the child was so upset when she did. And no I wouldn't be hugging my child straight after they'd been naughty.
Can't say I agree with swearing but the rest of it seems okay.

Don't beat yourself up.

Sometimes we lose our temper as parents.

Hopefully the shock will ensure she doesn't do that again.

For the future, try thinking about a more set out ladder of sanctions. Loss of toys, screen time, up to naughty step.

Ignore anyone talking about "gentle parenting." it's just a buzzword for not parenting properly.

Equally ignore anyone mentioning emotional abuse or scaring children. Your daughter will be fine. These people have terribly behaved children, it's a virtual gaurentee.

Unequivocally not, please don't delude yourself that that is the case.

@Simplynotsimple I agree with you, I think the original post was edited so I only read that she'd taken tv and screens away which I personally think is reasonable for what happened. Not forever but just for today, obviously.

Op, I Would ignore this kind of advice, the naughty step is just cruel and it won't help one bit with building a strong relationship with your daughter. Anecdotally, most children they behave very badly with anger issues at my DC's schools have had the shouty parents with misguided beliefs that their emotionally redundant punishments are doing anything to help.

@Nodddy do you even know what ‘gentle parenting’ actually is, or do you associate it with some hippy-dippy ‘kids run riot whilst parents smile and applaud their energy’ parenting? Most people ‘gentle parent’ without even recognising that’s what it is.

And everyone knows the ‘naughty step’ is utter bullshit, pushed by a tv program and a woman who had zero clue about parenting.

Losing your shit as a mum I'm sure a lot of people have been there. What's done is done. All you can do now is just give her a hug say you are really sorry you shouted but you were so cross at all the mess she made with the powder and that she can't do anything like it again. Stick with the no screen time as you've put it in place. Just try keep that kind of things way out her reach Ilin future. Kids are hard work at times and when they are not sleeping and misbehaving as well it can be difficult

My, then, 5 yo was very destructive at one point. Think watering the sofa, that sort of thing. She's bright, knows right from wrong and I just could not work it out. I punished the behaviour, it continued.

I asked her why, and basically she was acting out because I wasn't giving her what she needed. I was grieving for my mum and I didn't realise I had closed off from her.

I bet she wants to connect with you. So, do so. BUT don't beat yourself up, some of the posters on here are out of order. I shouted too, and issued ridiculous age-inappropriate consequences. She went off the rails for a bit at 14 but is now a happy, healthy adult and we have a great relationship. We all make mistakes, it's what you do with the afterwards that counts.

It sounds like you learnt your poor parenting skills from your own mum OP. You dd is crying out for attention to the extent that even bad attention is better than nothing.

You need to start putting some effort into parenting her, teens don't go off the rails because they haven't been shouted at enough, it's because parents haven't bothered to put the effort in that children need. Children need their parents time and attention, if you'd had good parents you'd know that.

I understand that you've got a lot on your plate being a single parent but somethings got to give, and at the moment it's your child's behaviour.

And here comes the backup singers. If she had the emotional intelligence to not label my opinion as "such nonsense" while giving her so called individual perspective, what you've just said might just make some sense but since you're in the klown squad yourself, I'm not surprised at your response.

And here you are again, trying to convince others with your high emotional intelligence that your opinion is the only correct one. You're just here showing yourself up and not really a great example as a parent either. You need to listen to what others are saying. Not all upbringings are the same or are you too emotionally intelligent to realise that? I can live with the fact that others aren't going to have the same opinions as myself because that's what makes us humans but it seems you're still far out there

You seem very angry, I kindly advise if you carry on calling people ‘loony’ and ‘klowns’ (??), MN will have you on a naughty step for posting privileges.