Welp i yelled so angerly at my 6 year old yesterday

Sorry you don't believe in any punishment at all? So your children can do whatever they like?

I don't really, I would tell them not to do something when they were little and they have turned out respectful, kind and intelligent.

I think your daughter is feeling very frustrated and needs more one to one attention from you. You say you do chores at night instead of reading to her and doing a bedtime routine? I think you need to forget the chores for half and hour and spend some quality time with your little girl. When children start doing things completely random like this it's tempting to put it down to just being naughty but a lot of the time there's some underlying cause. Rather than let her grow up being scared of you, let her grown up thinking you're the person she can rely on and trust. Just because your mum smacked you as punishment doesn't mean it's right as you say you were scared to do anything because of this and your keeping the cycle going.

Oh forgot to add she did the talc thing as she knew that would be the best way to get your attention. Even if the attention is you laying into her not just once but carrying on the next day. It's the way kids desperately needing attention think.

She did it to get your attention and get out of bed you need to work on bedtime....I'd have got her to clean it up in the morning...with my help.
Sometimes we shout doesn't make you awful when you're exhausted and on your own dealing with a nightmare bedtime many would have a scream ....next time walk away and take a few deep breaths

You sound like a mean mum. You could’ve dealt with it much better. No shouting, swearing or draconian punishments.

@lalabugirl Don't feel bad for letting your kid know that you are a human being who is entitled to have negative reactions to her behaviour. Kids actually feel safer with clear boundaries and these nebulous “they’re only kids” people are doing a disservice to their children.

@Fraaances that's not correct. Kids don't feel secure when someone's shouted for them to f get into bed and then punished them over and over the next day. Would you feel that way if an adult did that to you? It's not pandering to kids to try and work out the reason for the action. You know get to the crux of it! There are a lot of messed up adults today who were raised by parents just shouting and smacking. No one is saying it's soft parenting it's actually well thought out parenting. If OP felt too stressed to do it that night there was plenty of opportunity at the cafe the next day rather than feel smug she's carried on the punishment. Children's brains aren't like adult brains. Isn't it best to try and work out what's going on for them? Surely that raised kids who feel safe and confident than those terrified to step out of line and all their emotions get bottled up. I was going to say to op that we all loose it at times. Parenting is flipping hard work when these little people do really bizarre things but then she seemed proud to have kept the punishment going the next day. That's not parenting that's just being spiteful.

You shouldn't have sworn and shouted but at the same time I can see why you did. We all shout at our kids sometimes. I'm not sure what you should do in this situation but she needs to know that doing stuff like that is naughty. Maybe she wanted the reaction/attention though? As she didn't want to go to bed this is a way for her to get you to come upstairs and give her attention despite it being bad attention.

Overreacting can have equal or even worse longterm effects than under reacting. If you ‘lose it’s to this extent every time your daughter makes a mistake or acts impulsively, she will grow up into an anxious person who worries about setting a foot wrong, or will always take the safer choices in life so not to rock the boat. Those who have grown up in volatile environments are far more likely to be with an abusive partner when they’re older as well, because blown up disagreements have become the norm.

What you need to do it sit down with her, apologise for swearing and shouting without excusing it. Then ask why she did what she did, why did she not feel she could tell you she’d made a mess so you could both rectify it. Find some chores for her to do, and give her back her treats as a reward for doing them.

Well she won't do that again 😂 sometimes children need a good shock to the system that their behaviour won't be tolerated! I don't agree with the gentle parenting asking why she throw it down the stairs she done it because she was being naughty!
I honestly believe putting a stop to bad behaviour while they are young will save you a lot of teenage hell. X

Gentle parenting innit.

I’d have yelled too, maybe even have sworn (not the F word but something like holy shit!). I’d have got her to help clean up and that would have been the end of it as I don’t believe in drawn out punishments.

Unless your 6 year old has learning difficulties they will be able to connect spreading powder all over the house on Wednesday night with no tv/iPad on Thursday @WingingItSince1973

At 6 years old, she should know better. I agree there should be consequences to bad behaviour.

However, I feel quite sorry for your DD. Happy, settled kids don’t deliberately throw stuff down the stairs. It sounds like she’s seeking attention.

Why doesn’t she have a proper bedtime routine? You read to her sometimes?! Wow. At 6, you should be reading with her every night.

Instead of screaming and swearing, perhaps question how you should be stepping up as a parent.

Hang on- she acted up the night before a dentist appointment and you have to come on here and wonder why she did it?

So it never occured to you that her behaviour might be due to anxiety about the appointment?

Also children model the adults around them so expect some screaming without self control in the near future.

Assuming she doesn’t have special needs, she knew what she was doing was wrong. No issue in shouting at her - she needs to know she fucked up. If she’s scared or uncomfortable, good. It’s called teaching them a lesson, i.e. discipline! I certainly wouldn’t be giving cuddles and bedtime stories after my child was deliberately naughty ffs.

The swearing was wrong and also make sure the anger/punishment doesn’t continue to the next day.

Wow that's rude! A six year nt child can still display behaviour that seems like they are being outright naughty but actually are seeking attention anyway they can get. Maybe look into the behaviours of little ones and see the studies that explain why kids do the things they do rather than the backwards notion that only kids with learning difficulties do these things. I would have been cross too in the moment but I wouldn't have sworn at my dd and certainly wouldn't have carried on the punishment the next day. And yes I would have asked her to clean up the mess with me too. There's nothing wrong with trying to find the reasons behind behaviour. I hope that people don't just assume the worst of you as you go through life with all the insecurity that can bring.

Good point about being anxious about the dentist. Maybe if she felt she could talk to her mum about it she wouldn't have thrown the talc everywhere. OP I'm not saying you're a bad mum at all. You're a single parent and it's really hard work when you have everything to do. Just please please make that bedtime routine a time you can spend some quality time with your dd. Reading a story together will be absolutely lovely for you both. Honestly I've been there my youngest wouldn't sleep at all. I used to spend hours. I tried bribing all sorts. Turned out she was terrified of closing her eyes because she had bad dreams. My heart broke for her. She wasn't being deliberately annoying she really was anxious about something xx

She's doing it because of the way you are. Children need attention. If they don't get positive attention they will push buttons for negative attention.
You think your child is stupid. You scream at her. You swear at her.

Wow.

You need to make huge sweeping changes to yourself if your daughter and your relationship with her, are to stand a chance.

I think there’s a middle ground.

shouting and swearing is a bit crap but it’s not the end of the world. It IS important that you speak to her more calmly though and explain why you were wrong to lose your temper but that it was extremely frustrating for you. That you’ll try to work on your anger but that she needs to understand that behaviour like that will make people angry.

I think you’ve probably gone a bit overboard on the punishments though unless you’ve already explicitly linked those “rewards” to good behaviour. I always try to link consequences to the behaviour but sometimes I do just go for an outright screen ban too because “you’re struggling at the moment so we’re going to reset and work on spending some more quality time together as a family”.

But also your DC need a bedtime routine and connection. That should be your priority above chores.

Why are you asking for opinions? You don't like what the majority of people are telling you.

Raising your voice is somewhat understandable, but swearing at a child is always going to be wrong. It's never okay.

And punishments need to be clear and have an end to them. You need to have explained it at the time - randomly saying she can't have things the day after after already saying no TV, no tablet etc is gratuitous.

They probably feel safer when they aren't scared of their parents which screaming and swearing probably illicit!

You can tell a child not to do something but I would be reflecting on why they did it, am I giving them enough attention as a 6 year old does require quite a bit of attention.

I don't like threads where posters try to justify smacking ( and also seem to enjoy calling it 'spanking').
Your child is crying out for some proper attention and, instead of talking to her, you scream and swear. If a primary class teacher told little ones to 'fuck off' there would be outrage. Some posters think it is ok because it's a Muuuuuum.
It is really not ok.

OP literally came on here asking how she could handle it better and yet people are just having a go at her and telling her "why did you even post". She asked for help FFS.

What else could i have done?
OP we all lose our patience sometimes. Even those pretending they're perfect on MN. The only thing wrong was the swearing. I would have had a serious talk with her at that age about what was and wasn't acceptable, but sometimes there isn't time for that. The best thing you can do when you're that angry is remove her from the situation which you did, maybe not in the best possible way, but you got her away from you so you could calm down and clean it up.

Going forward, a bedtime routine might help settle her down and try reading (even just a short story or a couple of pages of a longer one) to get her in the mood for sleep. We have a musical night light that plays songs to settle them down, too.