Was I in the wrong to post this?

She's inserted herself into your sadness and made it about her. She must know you wasn't suggesting that at all. I'm guessing it's not the first time she's made something about herself.

Wow yes yabu. Your inlaws do have grandchildren. You should edit to say more grandchildren. Or just dont post that kind of stuff so publically. How many people co you have on facebook? Would you have been so personal face to face with them all? Have you had any counselling?

I'm so sorry you are going through this, I think your sil is being unreasonable and making it about herself, you are allowed to feel what you need to feel, xx

Facebook just isn't the place for this OP. It's not appropriate.

I know you didn't intend to deny your DNs, but I can understand why your SIL found it upsetting. Saying you couldn't give them grandchildren does imply they don't have any.

I know you're hurting but nothing good ever comes from over sharing. Do you have off line support?

Sorry for your struggles.

I don’t think it’s ever wise to let stuff like this hang on out on Facebook. Talk to your parents and inlaws, not about them in front of loads of people who might not even know them.

They do have grandkids so while she didn’t need to say what she did she’s right that her children exist while it seemed from your post that you pretend they don’t because you’re not able to have your own.

Basically neither of you gained anything from saying what you did. You don’t want to put your parents in a difficult place where they’re made to feel guilty for enjoying the grandkids they have.

I think it’s inappropriate to use Facebook in this way. Venting about such a personal and sensitive topic is for real life with trusted people who you know are OK to handle it.

I’m sorry for what you’re going through, though 🌺

I think OP means she can’t give them her children as grandchildren, not that other grandchildren don’t exist.

However, OP although I’m actually in the same position as you on this, I don’t think posting about such personal things on FB ever ends well because of other people’s reactions or comments.

Sorry you’re having a hard time but I think step away from social media in this situation or find a specific group where you can discuss your feelings with people who have more of an understanding.

This. ^ I am sorry for your infertility struggles @TrolleySign and it must be very difficult, but your post was too ambiguous sorry... It kind of implied (a bit) that your children will be your in-laws first grandchildren.

Your SIL has children - so your in-laws do have grandchildren. Maybe if you had said 'I am sad I can't give them grandchildren from me and DH' or something similar, that would have been better. I can see where your SIL is coming from to be honest...

I agree with a pp, I think you may be oversharing too much personal stuff on social media.

I don’t think what you posted was unreasonable at all. The whole statement started with I. comedycentral is right.

This is 100% better kept off Facebook and said in person to the people that involves. Especially as then they will understand how gutted you are and can offer real life support.

Keep it light on Facebook is my advice. But sorry for your feelings. Must be hard. Xx

Using Facebook in this way rarely leads to anything but drama. Most people won't know what to say, due to how inappropriate the platform is for such personal revelations, and some will just eye-roll if you're in the habit of this sort of thing.

You're better off speaking directly to your parents and inlaws if there's something you need to get off your chest.

Goodness me no. She made it all about her. You are not the unreasonable one.

Your facebook is for whatever you want it for. Anyone suggesting not to post about this on there has no idea what you do or don’t want on your facebook! It’s up to you

If we never said anything for fear of offending others, we’d never say anything

Tnh it's attention seeking behaviour putting a status like that and it was unfair to suggest they don't have any grandchildren

Delete it and explain that you were just feeling sorry for yourself to your sil and say you are sorry. Of course your parents have grandchildren.

It literally says ‘I feel guilty for not being able to give my parents and in laws grandchildren.’ I. Give. Where did she say anything about them not having grandchildren?

You must be in a dark place to be posting such things on FB so your SIL is not the real issue. She has a point of course, but you don't need to feel guilty about anything, you don't owe anyone grandchildren and your ability to provide them or not is beyond your control. I'm sure your parents and in laws would feel awful knowing they're unwittingly causing you pain through this perceived expectation. Most of all none of it should be aired on Facebook. It's not the place for such things so delete and get help IRL from your DP, friends, family, counsellor or even on here, there's people who'll be a support to you. Airing it to the mix of people scrolling through FB is not good for you or them so best not to get into it.

No what you said is fine insofar as your SIL is making something about her that isnt

but I also don't think you should put such personal things on facebook

it's weird

But it does read like they have no grandchildren, and that OP feels guilty about that as she's not given them any. You might not read it that way but it is one interpretation, even if OP didn't intend it.

Firstly, as you've learnt, the way you worded yourself can come across like there is no grandchildren already. Of for example your mother had written "I feel so sad trolley can not give me grandchildren" that could be hurtful to the grandchildren she already has, and it's really common for words to be taken the wrong way, especially in social media and if there's any hint of animosity or personal dislike between family members.

Secondly, it has potential to make you parents and in-laws feel like they've done something to make you feel guilty, or make them worry that all you're social media friends will think they've been dropping comments to make you feel guilty.

Im assuming it's emotional support in the form of reacts and comments want by posting on Facebook and you're more likely to get that support by reaching out to people directly. At least then it won't be just generic "sorry to hear that hun" Im really sorry you're struggling but Facebook posts like that can often just add to emotionally difficult problems.

I’m sorry for your struggles, truly. But I can see your SIL’s point- fair enough if you’d said ‘more grandchildren’ but saying about giving them grandchildren does kind of imply that you feel responsible for them not having any at all, when they do

I agree with previous posters, Facebook wasn’t the ideal place to post something like that; maybe in future if you want to post something along those lines focus on the impact on your family rather than bringing the in-laws into it too.

i read it as op intended, that she (personally), can’t provide grandchildren. Not that the in laws don’t have any it all.

you could read sil’s response as “doesn’t matter that you’re infertile because my parents already have grandchildren”.

sil should have backed off. She is lucky enough to have children and not experience infertility.

Your SIL was being unreasonable. This is not about her and her children. It's about how you feel that you can't give your parents or in laws grandchildren from you. I'd say her comment was unnecessary and insensitive. She didn't have to say anything!!

Agreed

Your SIL is so so wrong for messaging you about that and I’m sorry. You are right to feel a certain way about your own fertility and she obviously does not understand. Way to make your feelings and low ebb about her, can’t stand people like that. It’s like - you can see I’m already dealing with something over here and you want to make me feel worse!?
Ignore her, you do you. Xx

Yes I agree the SIL should've rolled her eyes and scrolled on given OP's palpable pain, even though I understand why it annoyed her. Families are complex though and who knows what the wider relationships and dynamics are.