Was I in the wrong to post this?

Agree

Of course 4 year olds can be scared of dogs, 4 year olds have all sorts of different feeling and can be scared of all sorts of things. I think there's proably hurt on both sides of things here. While I can understand the no babies at your wedding it would still be hurtful to be left out of my brothers wedding. While I understand that some dogs do have really severe separation anxiety and can't be left alone that could still be hurtful. I hope at least your DH goes to see his DN. I couldn't imagine ever inserting myself in someone else's grief like she did over the FB post, but as you've posted more her reaction makes some sense now.

I'm infertile. No biological children.

I think she reacted after what has been many dismissals over the years.

She wasn't allowed to bring her baby to your wedding.

Her son can't spend time with you because your dog is more important.

Infertility is awful but your behaviour seems incredibly dismissive of her life.

I get the feeling that infertility has taken over your life and I understand how they happens but it's not fair to those around you if it begins to take over thiers.

Your infertility has become your identity.

People will be sympathetic but it would be good for you to move on from this.

You say it felt nice to vent on fb. But how did it help you? If anything I think it hurt you. Your in laws now have to deal with this drama and you still cannot have children. I think you really need to save your venting for a therapist who can help you navigate your feelings and help you heal. All your post did was make you look like an attention seeker.

My comment is specific to her response to OP's post, not about OP's general relationship with SIL.

Honestly I don’t think she has main character syndrome but I’m afraid I think that you are allowing your issues with infertility affect everything.

You need to address your feelings about infertility in a more constructive way than posting it on Facebook because it’s affecting your relationships with people.

She was absolutely right to not come to your wedding without her 8 month old baby, you won’t go anywhere without your dog so surely that’s not hard for you to understand. She’s also well within her rights to not bring a child who is scared of dogs to events where you won’t leave your dog at home.

You need to get some counselling to process your issues before it affects other relationships.

She really shouldn't have said anything about your Facebook post; it really wasn't necessary. You must be in a dark place to have posted as you did; it would have been kinder of her to keep quiet.
As for your wedding: I would not have attended, in her position, had I not been able to bring my baby.
And, if her child is scared of your dog - his age really isn't relevant here - I'm not surprised she won't meet up when you choose to bring the dog along.
Have you ever had therapy?

Honestly op you need to rethink. She didn’t go to your wedding because she didn’t want to leave her baby. Thats quite normal. I very nearly didn’t go to my bils wedding because sil wanted no babies, and i had a 6 mo. In the end I brought him to the ceremony and my dad looked after him upstairs at the reception, baby is 9 now and I still remember hiw close I was to fuck it and fuck you all, I’m not coming. And if you can’t leave your dog at home then how do you not understand she doesn’t want to scare her 4 yo. There is no ‘but child is 4’ like 4 year olds should understand. 4yos are little! and easily scared and hard to reassure, but far too heavy to carry non stop. My 2yo is too heavy to carry non stop and that’s what we have to do around dogs. I’d roll my eyes and walk away from this relationship if I were sil, so I suspect that’s what’s driving her response to your fb message. I think her response is silly, but I think she’s fed up.

Your SIL is a dick. This is not about her and her kids. Even if she read it as her kids don’t exist (I’m fairly certain she didn’t though, and who cares anyway on a Facebook status?!) She is clearly not interested in supporting you through a tricky time in your life and I’m sorry for that. We had fertility issues and I had to distance myself a lot from family members who tried to make it all about them. For those saying it’s not the place for such a status I think it depends how you use your Facebook and who you have as friends. Some people have it very locked down just to close friends and family. In which case it’s a way of letting people know how you’re feeling without having to have face to face or 1:1 discussions which can be hard. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. And I hope you have some more supportive family or friends

If anything you sound like you have main character syndrome.

You are sad you can’t have children but then can’t empathise that a mum wouldn’t want to leave her 8 month old baby for a whole day. I definitely would not do that. You can’t leave your dog at home alone because they get separation anxiety but think it’s easy for an 8 month old to be left 🙄

I had a bit of empathy for you with your first post, but not now. I wouldn't have left my 8 month old for a wedding either. Nor would I let my child be around a dog they were scared of.

Sorry, OP. I'm sorry for your issues but you sound like hard work. Posting those kind of statuses on FB are painfully cringey, too. I don't know why people do it; it's juvenile.

I'd be apologising to your perfectly reasonable SIL if I were you. I can only imagine this is tip of the iceberg behaviour - from you.

It's also ridiculous that you state your dog has separation anxiety but can't understand why an 8 month old baby can't be away from their mother. For a wedding.

😂

She’s a hypocrite.

Yup. I don't think it's the SIL who has main character syndrome, here.

I’m astonished you didn’t make an exception for the baby. I find childless weddings a bit odd at the best of times but not to include family children is baffling. You can’t spend the rest of your life ignoring babies, as painful as your situation is.

At four I was terrified of dogs. Not now, thankfully, but am wary of some.

Perfect response 👍🏽

Your SIL has no empathy or reading comprehension. You are struggling with infertility and posted "I feel guilty for not being able to give my parents and in laws grandchildren". Your SIL read it as "I can't give my parents and in laws grandchildren".

As many posters have said, FB is not the best place to open up about your feelings. But you didn't anything wrong. Your SIL should take English grammar comprehension classes.

Your SiL is very insensitive. She has no idea. Ignore her - you don’t need such a del- regarding person intruding on your grief about this.

But OTOH, don’t splurge private stuff on FaceAche. You can’t control other people’s reactions.

OP you're in very real danger of causing a rift in the family, and putting your PIL (and indeed DH) in an awful position. I think therapy sounds like a great idea.

Can’t believe your SIL sent you that message. So inconsiderate in my opinion.

It is totally normal for someone not to want to be separated from their 8 month old baby. If you're breastfeeding, you really can't be separated from them at that age.

It is also totally normal for a four year old to be afraid of dogs, and for that four year old's parents to say that anyone coming to see said four year old cannot bring a dog.

You are coming across as very unreasonable, @TrolleySign, and as someone who really lacks self awareness. Please get yourself some counselling to get support with your infertility.

I think it's ok if you are comfortable to to share your experience on Facebook. I don't agree with mentioning grandparents as it feels like blaming them for your sad feelings.
However none of it is to do with your sil , I'd ignore her.

Sorry but she is an insensitive #%}! I’m angry on your behalf.

Nonsense. She hasn’t blamed anyone but herself (unnecessarily). She expressed HER own guilt at not giving them grandchildren. She didn’t say they had made her feel that way.