Was I in the wrong to post this?

I worked with someone with PCOS. She physically had a hard time with periods and ovulation. Got pregnant within a year of trying.

I have endometriosis, not a guess like op is saying, but a diagnosis. I assumed I wouldn’t be able to get pregnant and so for 7 years just tracked ovulation as a form of birth control and fell pregnant with my daughter at 37.

OP you are only 40 not 50. You have recently married a man who doesn’t want children. You have never tried to get pregnant. You do not know if you are infertile. Why marry a man that doesn’t want children if you do?

I can only assume that your SIL is fed up with your attention seeking posts and is telling you.

I really believe you need to seek therapy. Please go to the doctor and ask for a referral because you have created this delusional story of your life that is not true. You really need a professional to speak to.

Have you invented an evil mother as well as inventing a personality for the husband ?

And OP, PCOS doesn't mean you're infertile, at all. Neither does endo, or a heart condition. Apologise to.yoir SIL and try to be less of a dick.

OP, you could have been clearer. And you seen misinformed on some things or just make assumptions.

But the above doesn't excuse the mean tones of this forum dealing with an issue you find sensitive. I'm not a big fan of people policing others' sadness or trying to shame them for the form it takes.

There are valid points to take however:

1. You could potentially not be infertile per se, you could look into this;

1. SIL should not be villainised for missing your wedding. Asking her to leave her child behind is a lot to ask. We had a child free wedding for example, but made exceptions for close family including siblings and in-laws. Staying behind to stay with your 8 month old is not "Main Characte" energy;

1. Dogs may be part of family, but it can insult others to liken concern for a dog as equivalent to concern for a 4 year old child;

1. Your heart issue may make carrying a child more tricky but medical staff are trained for that. Don't assume it precludes you from trying for a child.

1. Be careful how you word things. Whether on here or on FB. People here read things with magnifying glasses it would seem. Also, people like me, who give you the benefit of doubt will start wondering if they did the right thing if the rest of the story does not seem to align with or be in the same spirit as the original post. I'm not going to pile on you about that as people have already given you a hard time. I assume you just struggle with finding the right words to express yourself rather than going out of your way to mischaracterise things. This is because if you were purposeful in mischaraterising things, I think you would not volunteer the subsequent information you provided so frankly. Just my opinion. But like I say, there is a great lesson for taking accountability here.

In addition, although it's OK to feel sad about circumstances even of your own making. MN just isn't the right place to express that as people tend to come after one another here, as I expect you've learned. Also, it's healthy to develop accountability.

Still look into therapy to deal with complicated emotions over a potentially complicated history. MNetters are not the right group to be this level of vulnerable with. As a group, I notice that we can project our own experiences and feelings on posters. It's, to an extent, human nature. Speak to a well trained therapist instead.

I think some posters want to shame you because they are unhappy about how you've gone about posting this and trickling information. Although I'm not a fan of that, and I don't think you owe the Internet information if you don't want to volunteer it, I think a bit of reflection could really help you a bit. It all feels very messy and maybe a counsellor can help you unpack things.

These are just my opinions and they are not fact. Nor are they aimed at any specific poster.

Did you have diagnosed heart issues before your heart attack last year?

Have you received an actual diagnosis of endometriosis?

Because, currently, I can only see that you’ve had a diagnosis of PCOS which absolutely does not mean that you are infertile.

I posted earlier and was initially wincing at your use of FB, but feeling incredibly sorry for you. Having read your updates, I’ve completely changed my mind. I think you’ve taken your health issues and made them into your personality. And you’ve exhausted your SiL’s patience in doing so. I don’t think it’s your SiL who has ‘main character’ energy. I think it’s you. You’re expecting her to accept your decision to have a child free wedding (which is fine, if that’s what you want, but that will rule some people out) and to make allowances for your assumed infertility, while you refuse to make the same allowances for her child not wanting to be around your dog. You don’t need anyone feeling sorry for you; you’ve got that covered all by yourself.

So my advice to you is to stop being so self absorbed and apologise to your SiL. Take some accountability for your words. Try and remember that you are not the only person who has feelings that can be hurt. Go to the GP and get an actual diagnosis of endometriosis. It seems a bit late to be worrying about infertility now that you’ve now married a man who doesn’t want children, but maybe get yourself some counselling to come to terms with your choices (and without a diagnosis of infertility, they have been choices) and for the love of God, stop venting on FB. If anyone knows that your ‘infertility’ is actually something that was merely suggested to you when you were in your mid teens, rather than a medical fact, they will also lose all patience with you.

"Reaching out for support" via Facebook status?

Im surprised your husband isn’t a bit baffled about you posting about infertility when you’ve never tried for a baby and he doesn’t want one….?

With respect to people who have been through upsetting situations themselves I think this is risking become a pile on on the OP.
Infertility is one of multiple ways a person can find themselves childless.
The OP is coming to terms with something.

I originally said that I see why the SIL is annoyed and I still do probably moreso now but the OP is clearly upset.

OP given you had heart attack I’d advise avoiding things like putting emotive posts on Facebook which might provoke a response you find upsetting.

yeah maybe. I don;t use facebook but if you have a private account only visible to friends and family you might use it that way? AS i said people use it differently (and in ways I wouldn;t). I still think her SIL is being a dick.

Have you read the OP's latest updates?
The SIL isn't the dick here.

I agree. I have a close friend who had a similar situation where she was informed in her very early 20s that she had PCOS and the doctor basically told her it meant she couldn't have children. A lot can depend on the manner in which a doctor relays that information. It took her many years of denial - throwing herself into her career and trying to convince herself it was something she didn't need or want in her life and now pushing 40 with a ticking clock she's decided to try and she's just found out her 2nd round of ivf has failed and she's devastated and half wishes she'd tried sooner and half wishes she'd never tried because of the pain it's caused.

No harm to anyone who's struggled with infertility but denial can play a big part here when information is relayed poorly by a doctor. I personally don't see why there's a need for a pile on. It's just a very different journey.

If anything SIL is the hero for finally saying something. I am absolutely disgusted someone wrote a post about infertility having never tried.

no - maybe i should stop commenting!

I really was on your side @TrolleySign when I read your initial post but having read your updated post which states that you were diagnosed with infertility at least 26 years ago, your DH doesn't want a child, you haven't tried for a child, it's only now that you're coming to terms with the fact that you also no longer want a child that you posted a maudlin post on FB about it.

Yep, I'm firmly with @Bleachbum now. Your SiL isn't mad or wrong. You on the other hand are coming across very poorly now.

The “pile on” is because OP said she was infertile when she has never even had her fertility tested. OP chose not to have children, married a man who also doesn’t want children, and is still of the opinion that she doesn’t want children. Where’s the dilemma? What is everyone supposed to feel sympathy for, exactly?

Furthermore, the thread isn’t about coming to terms with changing your mind about wanting a baby (not that the OP has changed her mind). The OP was asking whether she should have written a FB post about her infertility and her guilt at not providing her in-laws with grandchildren that her SIL took offence at. Now, given that she isn’t infertile and the reason she can’t give her in-laws grandchildren is because her husband (their son) doesn’t even want children, it’s fair to say that no, she shouldn’t have written that FB post. Because it isn’t genuine and her SIL was correct to call it out.

Now, looking at it from SIL’s perspective, can you imagine if SIL had been through actual fertility issues? She may well have. And then she has OP writing this nonsense on FB?

@TrolleySign 🤣🤣🤣 Nice username that no-one seems to have picked up on... Great try!

If you see your position as expressed on here as OK, you are in for a world of pain if you continue to behave in this way.

Claiming infertility when you've never even tried and married a man you were happy to be childless with, now having chosen not to try yourself is a huge insult and affront to those who are genuinely infertile or unable to carry.

Your regrets are not the same as people who have struggled to bear a child and desperately want one. I'm in my 60s, childless by choice and I can see that. Why can't you?

@TrolleySign Nobody is looking for a pile on at all. You have done yourself absolutely no favours at all, with the constant drip feed of the real facts of your situation.
People would have had far more sympathy if you'd been honest from the start. All you've done is get peoples backs up and insulted women who are actually infertile and are truly in pain every single day over it.
You wanted attention and sympathy for something that is in no way the truth.
And I think you'll find the majority now don't understand your position!

The OP might have used the word “infertile” too casually but clearly does have serious health issues and a husband who doesn’t want children.

She might not be technically infertile according to the definition and hasn’t gone through losses, but she still finds herself at a point in her life when she has to deal with/accept that she may not have a child when by the sounds of things it isn’t a choice or certainly not a very firm choice.

I can see why the SIL is annoyed. I can also see that the OP is struggling.

Don't worry too much OP. Try not to take the upsetting comments to heart. We all make mistakes, and not everyone will like how we say things. Plus hopefully you've learned a thing or two. Look after yourself through what seems like a tough time.

OP doesn’t think she’s made a mistake though. She’s adamant she’s right and a victim and deserving of special treatment, at the expense of her husband’s sister and nephew. She’s lied and not enjoyed people telling her so.

Everything that had been said here is absolutely true, and I don't really care whether people believe it or not. I don't think I'll be coming here for help anymore as people are really judgement and just looking for a pile on.

Everything is absolutely true? What are you talking about? You have been repeatedly dishonest on this thread. You aren't suffering from infertility. You've never tried to conceive, you have chosen not to have children. You have no idea the hell that is experienced by people who have faced infertility. It is the most painful thing I've ever been through.

I hoped that you would have at least offered an apology for your dishonesty (and you most certainly should apologise to your SIL). But evidently you prefer to wallow in self-pity and play the victim. 🙄

@LawrenceSMarlowforPresident
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Doesn’t your DH find it odd that you’re posting about infertility on Facebook when you haven’t tried for a baby, he doesn’t want one and actually you say you don’t now you are 40?

This is very messed up.

You also refused to allow a family member to bring their 8 month old baby to your wedding, but won’t allow yourself to be separated from your dog that you refer to as your baby.

It’s not really surprising that you were called out on this by your SIL.

This