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Non-binary colleague using disabled toilet

1000 replies

DefendingPan · 22/12/2024 10:14

Where I work there’s employee male and female toilets, customer male and female toilets and one customer disabled toilet.

This colleague is non-binary, is not disabled, and uses the disabled toilet/ baby change (with their own Radar key) because they “don’t feel comfortable) using either the male or female toilets.

I mentioned to my boss that I didn’t think this was appropriate and got accused of transphobia and threatened with discipline. I was made to feel like I was being offensive and discriminatory for bringing it up.

We have many elderly customers and many young families who all also need to use it.

Was I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
ValleyClouds · 22/12/2024 11:09

Being non binary is not a disability and nobody should be using an accessible toilet without actual need. If it's also a baby change the need is shared

I was having a conversation with someone recently who admitted to some not nice behaviour in relationships and then separately admitted to routinely using accessible toilets without actual need.

I said that I judged her for the latter but not the former.

I am someone who needs an accessible toilet.

Hotflushesandchilblains · 22/12/2024 11:11

I think people in this position cant get it right, can they? Seems like an elegant solution. And I dont think a disabled toilet can never be used by anyone who isn't, simply that it is made accessible for people who need it.

angrymenopausal · 22/12/2024 11:11

FionaSkates · 22/12/2024 11:03

This person is just trying to go for a wee causing the least distress possible to the very critical world around them and you reported them to your manager?

The critical world? Or just the actual world where everyone is either of the male or female sex but is welcome to dress and act as androgynously as they like?

HellsBalls · 22/12/2024 11:12

Tooes · 22/12/2024 10:15

I don't blame them, the disabled toilets tend to be be much nicer.

The disabled toilet is always my go to as well if available.

Robynellacottscupoftea · 22/12/2024 11:12

I tend to use the disabled toilets as they are always cleaner. It takes two minutes to have a wee, what’s the problem. I’ve yet to come out and find a queue of disabled people waiting to use it. It’s not for you to Police other people’s toilet usage. I’d also rather a man use the disabled loo than the women’s loo.

Lovelysummerdays · 22/12/2024 11:14

I am pretty gender critical but I feel like your colleague is making the right decision (for them) to remove themselves to a 3rd space. It’s quite handy to have an employee using a customer facility as they can flag up any issues such as run out of loo roll/ soap etc.

saraclara · 22/12/2024 11:14

Would you have complained to your boss if one of your other colleagues was using the accessible toilet @DefendingPan ?

TigerRag · 22/12/2024 11:14

Robynellacottscupoftea · 22/12/2024 11:12

I tend to use the disabled toilets as they are always cleaner. It takes two minutes to have a wee, what’s the problem. I’ve yet to come out and find a queue of disabled people waiting to use it. It’s not for you to Police other people’s toilet usage. I’d also rather a man use the disabled loo than the women’s loo.

You might be able to wait 2 minutes but not all of us can.

MajorCarolDanvers · 22/12/2024 11:14

DefendingPan · 22/12/2024 10:18

Use either of the two single occupancy employee toilets. They have male and female written on the door but are identical single occupancy units and it’s not uncommon for people to use the “wrong” one when the other is occupied.

Show quote history

The sensible option is to make both of these toilets unisex to- then anyone can use them when needed.

PostmanPatAlwaysRingsTwice · 22/12/2024 11:14

FionaSkates · 22/12/2024 11:03

This person is just trying to go for a wee causing the least distress possible to the very critical world around them and you reported them to your manager?

What distress would this person be causing to the world by using the toilet that is provided for people of their sex? Who would know or care, when seeing a woman come out of the women's toilet, that she didn't think she was a woman?

rookiemere · 22/12/2024 11:14

mitogoshigg · 22/12/2024 10:25

If the employee toilets are single cubicles then why not just make them unisex to start with? Honestly it seems nobody can win now! The person has a perfectly reasonable solution, using the only designated unisex toilet and you are moaning ... no wonder employers are opting for the unpopular unisex toilets all around approach. And anyway, it would be illegal not to have a disabled toilet for staff use so it must be for everyone

I hate unisex toilets. Invariably the toilet lid is up and there is piss on the rim and on the floor and as a result the toilet cubicle smells. Once again women lose out to appease the quirks of a tiny minority of the population.

borntoblossom · 22/12/2024 11:15

They are either male or female so they can use the one that matches their sex, not their special inner identity. Or if they are both single toilets then use either and stop using disabled facilities for no good reason at all.

anotherside · 22/12/2024 11:15

DefendingPan · 22/12/2024 10:14

Where I work there’s employee male and female toilets, customer male and female toilets and one customer disabled toilet.

This colleague is non-binary, is not disabled, and uses the disabled toilet/ baby change (with their own Radar key) because they “don’t feel comfortable) using either the male or female toilets.

I mentioned to my boss that I didn’t think this was appropriate and got accused of transphobia and threatened with discipline. I was made to feel like I was being offensive and discriminatory for bringing it up.

We have many elderly customers and many young families who all also need to use it.

Was I being unreasonable?

“I mentioned to my boss that I didn’t think this was appropriate”

Why stick your nose in?

Vaxtable · 22/12/2024 11:16

I firmly believe trans women should not use the ladies, however I dint have a problem with them using male or disabled toilets. I certainly wouldn’t report it

Livinginaclock · 22/12/2024 11:16

RinklyRomaine · 22/12/2024 10:36

Absolutely this. Why the actual should a disabled person wait while their facilities are being used by someone pretending not to be the sex they are?

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Exactly, I don't want to wet myself because someone is in denial of their sex.
That's not transphobia.

visitbreakfast · 22/12/2024 11:16

MissMoneyFairy · 22/12/2024 10:24

If they have a radar key they are entitled to use the toilet. For a few minutes a day does it really matter, are you the pee monitor.

Surely entitlement to accessible facilities is based on access needs, not whether you have bought a key or not.

PoundlandColumbo · 22/12/2024 11:17

I'm GC but I'd stay out of this one if I were you. It doesn't directly affect you. Choose your battles.

Porcuporpoise · 22/12/2024 11:17

rookiemere · 22/12/2024 11:14

I hate unisex toilets. Invariably the toilet lid is up and there is piss on the rim and on the floor and as a result the toilet cubicle smells. Once again women lose out to appease the quirks of a tiny minority of the population.

Show quote history

Disabled women have been using unisex toilets for years. Personally I've never had this problem in one.

SassK · 22/12/2024 11:18

Baby change facilities don't have radar keys.

visitbreakfast · 22/12/2024 11:19

@Robynellacottscupoftea

I tend to use the disabled toilets as they are always cleaner

The vast majority are as vile as the other toilets. I use both, situation dependant, but if I use the disabled it's never any cleaner.

MumblesParty · 22/12/2024 11:20

Scabetty · 22/12/2024 11:02

They are non binary. Whether you agree or not to that identification is irrelevant. They go to the gender neutral accessible toilet as that seems their best option. How weird people care.

Show quote history

There’s no such thing as non binary. It’s an invented concept. It’s like me saying I’m a fairy princess so I need a special golden toilet, with space for my fairy wings.

BobbyBiscuits · 22/12/2024 11:20

If they are identifying as non binary which toilets should they use? They might be unwelcome in both male and female spaces. In that respect I can see why the boss is basically saying this is the most practical solution available. Presuming making all the toilets unisex would be worse?
It's not ideal, but it's one person. Could some service users also be NB and also be using that bathroom? I just don't really see what the alternative is. Without possibly opening up discrimination accusations.

NormanBateslonglosttwin · 22/12/2024 11:21

FFS it's a toilet, get over it.

WinterBones · 22/12/2024 11:21

yabu because it's none of your business.

Theyabu because they're not disabled and shouldn't be taking up a disabled facility.

Particlee · 22/12/2024 11:22

With the amount of idiots out there harassing people in toilets because they don’t look ‘female’ enough, I totally understand their decision!

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