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Original poster

Non-binary colleague using disabled toilet

1000 replies

DefendingPan · 22/12/2024 10:14

Where I work there’s employee male and female toilets, customer male and female toilets and one customer disabled toilet.

This colleague is non-binary, is not disabled, and uses the disabled toilet/ baby change (with their own Radar key) because they “don’t feel comfortable) using either the male or female toilets.

I mentioned to my boss that I didn’t think this was appropriate and got accused of transphobia and threatened with discipline. I was made to feel like I was being offensive and discriminatory for bringing it up.

We have many elderly customers and many young families who all also need to use it.

Was I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Tooes · 22/12/2024 10:15

I don't blame them, the disabled toilets tend to be be much nicer.

Hoppinggreen · 22/12/2024 10:16

I don't think I could bring myself to care really.
They obviously feel they have a disability and maybe they do

Original poster
DefendingPan · 22/12/2024 10:16

Hoppinggreen · 22/12/2024 10:16

I don't think I could bring myself to care really.
They obviously feel they have a disability and maybe they do

They do in fact not feel that they do

OP posts:
Scabetty · 22/12/2024 10:16

What would you suggest they do?

Mercurial123 · 22/12/2024 10:17

I wouldn't have an issue. I certainly wouldn't report them.

nonbinaryfinery · 22/12/2024 10:18

What would you have them do? Or is this just to stir the pot?

Original poster
DefendingPan · 22/12/2024 10:18

Scabetty · 22/12/2024 10:16

What would you suggest they do?

Use either of the two single occupancy employee toilets. They have male and female written on the door but are identical single occupancy units and it’s not uncommon for people to use the “wrong” one when the other is occupied.

OP posts:
FourEyesGood · 22/12/2024 10:18

Until there is a unisex toilet or one dedicated to those who are non-binary, there is nowhere else for this person to go.

Really, how does it affect you? It’s not as if they’re in there all day, is it? (If they are, that’s a bigger issue.)

Scabetty · 22/12/2024 10:19

As you say the toilets are larger but aren’t just for disabled people so I can’t see an issue. Can you explain the issue you have?

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 22/12/2024 10:19

It’s absolutely none of your business. Keep your nose out.

Samcro · 22/12/2024 10:19

i hate the idea of this, yet another person taking over facilities for disabled people.

Dishwashersaurous · 22/12/2024 10:19

This really isn't worth getting worked up about and seems a sensible outcome for them.

Hunglikeapolevaulter · 22/12/2024 10:20

This reply has been deleted

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Hoppinggreen · 22/12/2024 10:20

DefendingPan · 22/12/2024 10:16

They do in fact not feel that they do

Show quote history

I would argue that not knowing what sex you are could be a MH issue and therefore a disability.

nonbinaryfinery · 22/12/2024 10:21

Samcro · 22/12/2024 10:19

i hate the idea of this, yet another person taking over facilities for disabled people.

Fyi nonbinary disabled people actually exist.

CreationNat1on · 22/12/2024 10:21

Why are you policing the world? How often is the disabled toilet occupied by this person when it disadvantages another user/how frequently does it cause a real issue, rather than a potential issue?

eklaljdj · 22/12/2024 10:21

Personally don't see too much of a problem with it considering it pretty much is a health condition if you consider mental health, I'd rather someone went to a unisex toilet and not be in the wrong toilets. But I appreciate that it infringes on disabled people too, but hopefully not very much unless it becomes endemic.

DownThePubWithStevieNicks · 22/12/2024 10:21

I think it’s probably the least bad option, unless they are hogging it for ages each time.

The alternative is that one of your single occupancy female toilets will be turned into a mixed one and you’ll have piss everywhere.

Original poster
DefendingPan · 22/12/2024 10:21

nonbinaryfinery · 22/12/2024 10:21

Fyi nonbinary disabled people actually exist.

Show quote history

FYI this person is not disabled and does not consider themself to have a disability

OP posts:
kindlyensure · 22/12/2024 10:21

Can you put a 'unisex' or 'all genders' sign on the single occupancy male toilet?

daisychain01 · 22/12/2024 10:21

What harm are they doing and how does it affect you personally, day-to-day which toilet they go in, because that's the reality of this situation.

It's about the actual effect of someone nipping into a toilet, and the detriment to anyone else.

there isn't one.

NigelHarmansNewWife · 22/12/2024 10:21

I don't see that this is any of your business. If all the toilets are single occupancy then what does any of it matter? If they all contain a toilet why are the non-disabled ones even designated male and female? You've only said something to cause trouble for the non-binary colleague and rightly been reprimanded.

Rosbeet · 22/12/2024 10:21

I'm extremely gender critical and I think that is the best solution.

I wouldn't want them in the toilet that's their opposite sex, thwy don't want to be in the toilet that matches their sex.

It's a disabled toilet but also a baby change.

If there's no 'gender neutral ' toilet I think it's the best solution.

And I have a radar key/blue badge

InfoSecInTheCity · 22/12/2024 10:22

I think they 'should' use the toilet associated to their Sex but I couldn't get worked up about them using the disabled toilet as long as them doing so wasn't causing issues for disabled users. If it is an infrequently used toilet that doesn't generally have queues of people waiting for it then it's a non-issue.

IsitaHatOrACat · 22/12/2024 10:22

Maybe ask for toilets to be gender neutral

Just make sure there's San pro bins in both though as I have experienced having ro wait for the correct "gender neutral" toilet to be available...

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