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Original poster

Non-binary colleague using disabled toilet

1000 replies

DefendingPan · 22/12/2024 10:14

Where I work there’s employee male and female toilets, customer male and female toilets and one customer disabled toilet.

This colleague is non-binary, is not disabled, and uses the disabled toilet/ baby change (with their own Radar key) because they “don’t feel comfortable) using either the male or female toilets.

I mentioned to my boss that I didn’t think this was appropriate and got accused of transphobia and threatened with discipline. I was made to feel like I was being offensive and discriminatory for bringing it up.

We have many elderly customers and many young families who all also need to use it.

Was I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
ueberlin2030 · 22/12/2024 13:39

Tsama · 22/12/2024 13:36

For a lot of people it literally is, since many think being gay is a choice and it's all performative.

Show quote history

Being gay isn't a choice.
Labelling yourself non-binary most definitely is a choice.

ThatRareUmberJoker · 22/12/2024 13:39

Tsama · 22/12/2024 13:36

For a lot of people it literally is, since many think being gay is a choice and it's all performative.

Show quote history

You're a woman aren't you no man would come out with that.

WarmingClothesontheRadiator · 22/12/2024 13:40

Tsama · 22/12/2024 13:36

For a lot of people it literally is, since many think being gay is a choice and it's all performative.

Show quote history

People like Stonewall, Pride etc you mean?

DowntonCrabbie · 22/12/2024 13:40

nonbinaryfinery · 22/12/2024 10:18

What would you have them do? Or is this just to stir the pot?

Use the jacks that correspond to their actual sex, obviously.

SameAsItEverWas24 · 22/12/2024 13:40

SlimmyShady24 · 22/12/2024 13:36

@DefendingPan Why do you care and make it your issue to raise? Let the people who are affected (if there are such people) make the complaint. Just focus on your own toilet trips.

OP is defending her disabled customers. Why do YOU care enough to comment?

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 22/12/2024 13:40

verysmellyjelly · 22/12/2024 13:39

@RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie The only nastiness in this thread is that directed at disabled people.

I haven’t seen any nastiness directed at disabled people.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 22/12/2024 13:41

SameAsItEverWas24 · 22/12/2024 13:40

OP is defending her disabled customers. Why do YOU care enough to comment?

Show quote history

No she isn’t.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 22/12/2024 13:42

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 22/12/2024 13:12

No they’re not, unless they are keeping disabled people waiting for ages, which isn’t the case or I’m sure the OP would have said so.

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How do you know whether you're keeping a disabled person (or a person who needs the baby change) waiting if you're sitting on the throne with the door shut?

angrymenopausal · 22/12/2024 13:42

What I'd really like is for a person who defines themselves as NB to come along and explain why a self contained single space toilet with a symbol on the door is inaccessible to them.
We have three such cubicles at work. Two with female signs on the door. One with male. The only difference is the male doesn't have a san pro bin. Everyone uses all of them though I guess if you want to change a towel you'd wait for the female one. They are exactly the same.

Willyoujustbequiet · 22/12/2024 13:43

If they have a disability yes of course.

If they don't then certainly not.

Whatever their issues are it does not give them the right to use facilities intended for the disabled If they are able bodied.

Original poster
DefendingPan · 22/12/2024 13:44

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 22/12/2024 12:33

I've reported the post because this poster seems disingenuous.

Why write one post and claim you can't understand why parents would be asked to be considerate of the disabled and then another post where a colleague isn't being considerate of the disabled.

The whole thing just smells like its posted to drum up hate and divide for sensationalism.

Show quote history

Report away. I thought the sign was pointless as it wasn’t specific. Of course I put the table up.

The responses to that post reminded me of this incident and I was curious if I was right to have been shut down in the way I was so I posted this too.

OP posts:
Tsama · 22/12/2024 13:45

@ueberlin2030
Being gay isn't a choice.
Labelling yourself non-binary most definitely is a choice.

And a lot of people still says otherwise.

@ThatRareUmberJoker
You're a woman aren't you no man would come out with that.

And my sex / gender has relevance how exactly?

@WarmingClothesontheRadiator
People like Stonewall, Pride etc you mean?

No, I mean people who think eventually someone "grows out" of being gay cause it's just a phase, or cause that they're just seeking attention, that kind of people, a lot of them still exist today.

And then there's the one who think you can "cure" gays, or pray it away.

101Nutella · 22/12/2024 13:45

YABU.
lots of people use whichever toilet is free and how many times is that person going to be in the toilet realistically?. A disabled person would have to wait if there was someone changing their baby so it’s not that much different.

the fact you want to police it suggests you have an issue with them.

verysmellyjelly · 22/12/2024 13:46

@Scabetty Yes, they are disabled toilets for disabled people. If not disabled you should not be using them. I'm aware you'll do whatever you want, but I'm telling you it's morally wrong.

KittenPause · 22/12/2024 13:46

You sound like a petty unpleasant colleague to work with to be bothering with someone's toilet habits

ChristmasKelpie · 22/12/2024 13:46

Scabetty · 22/12/2024 10:16

What would you suggest they do?

I would expect them to use the mens toilets if they were born with a penis and a prostate or the womens toilets if they were born with a vagina and a cervix. It really is that simple.

verysmellyjelly · 22/12/2024 13:47

@RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie Maybe that's because you don't care about our experiences. Many of us have said how ableist and distressing this thread is. Are you skipping those posts?

MsNeis · 22/12/2024 13:49

YANBU, OP. But, alas, we live in the upside down or so it seems...

ThatRareUmberJoker · 22/12/2024 13:49

Tsama · 22/12/2024 13:45

@ueberlin2030
Being gay isn't a choice.
Labelling yourself non-binary most definitely is a choice.

And a lot of people still says otherwise.

@ThatRareUmberJoker
You're a woman aren't you no man would come out with that.

And my sex / gender has relevance how exactly?

@WarmingClothesontheRadiator
People like Stonewall, Pride etc you mean?

No, I mean people who think eventually someone "grows out" of being gay cause it's just a phase, or cause that they're just seeking attention, that kind of people, a lot of them still exist today.

And then there's the one who think you can "cure" gays, or pray it away.

I can tell no man would say that. Talk to men and ask them if they think being gay is performative because you're having a laugh if that's what you think. That's the biggest load of bollocks I've ever read in my life.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 22/12/2024 13:50

verysmellyjelly · 22/12/2024 13:47

@RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie Maybe that's because you don't care about our experiences. Many of us have said how ableist and distressing this thread is. Are you skipping those posts?

You’re choosing to be distressed by a person you don’t know using a toilet in a work place that you don’t work in. None of it is affecting you at all.

That doesn’t mean that I don’t care about disabled people’s experiences. The situation in the OP is not your experiences though.

Sirzy · 22/12/2024 13:50

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 22/12/2024 13:37

I haven’t said that I use disabled toilets. I don’t. I’ve said I have no problem with accessible toilets being used by others if disabled people aren’t using them. And in this particular case, the non binary colleague is perfectly within their rights to choose to do so.

Show quote history

But your missing the fact that every person who does use the disabled toilet when not disabled is creating problems for those with disabilities accessing facilities they need.

planning makes them bad enough without selfish individuals making it even worse.

rocky5001 · 22/12/2024 13:50

Why do you care?

Does this one employee spend so much time in the toilet in the course of a day that it makes a significant difference to the availability of the toilet to customers?

WarmingClothesontheRadiator · 22/12/2024 13:50

And then there's the one who think you can "cure" gays

That would be the trans organisations.

EUmumforever · 22/12/2024 13:51

In my place of work there’s a disabled/gender neutral toilet which I use often as it’s cleaner and bigger (female toilets are tiny cubicles as we all know). I’m neither disabled nor non-binary/trans. I would be really pissed off if a colleague complained

FionaSkates · 22/12/2024 13:51

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 22/12/2024 13:40

I haven’t seen any nastiness directed at disabled people.

Show quote history

@RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie Have you actually read the thread?

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