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Non-binary colleague using disabled toilet

1000 replies

DefendingPan · 22/12/2024 10:14

Where I work there’s employee male and female toilets, customer male and female toilets and one customer disabled toilet.

This colleague is non-binary, is not disabled, and uses the disabled toilet/ baby change (with their own Radar key) because they “don’t feel comfortable) using either the male or female toilets.

I mentioned to my boss that I didn’t think this was appropriate and got accused of transphobia and threatened with discipline. I was made to feel like I was being offensive and discriminatory for bringing it up.

We have many elderly customers and many young families who all also need to use it.

Was I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
verysmellyjelly · 22/12/2024 11:39

@DaphneduMaureen Just because the current convention is to call them "accessible" and because some people are uncomfortable with the big bad D word (disabled) doesn't change their history, origin, and purpose. They exist because disabled people are the ones who need them and fought for them. They are our toilets and we are the ones who actually cannot manage without them.

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 22/12/2024 11:39

verysmellyjelly · 22/12/2024 11:37

@Princessconsuelabananahammock9 That's not about a disabled toilet so it's not relevant to the thread.

People on this thread have repeatedly said people should use the bathrooms that matches thier sex.

Seems pretty relevant to me.

Hoppinggreen · 22/12/2024 11:39

Particlee · 22/12/2024 11:33

The person who did it to me explicitly used those words.

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And no doubt had MH issues

verysmellyjelly · 22/12/2024 11:39

Bloonket · 22/12/2024 11:38

Stay out of it.
Adjust your thinking to that toilet being for disabled, baby changing and …. The uncomfortable.

But it isn't. It's for disabled people.

FionaSkates · 22/12/2024 11:39

PostmanPatAlwaysRingsTwice · 22/12/2024 11:14

What distress would this person be causing to the world by using the toilet that is provided for people of their sex? Who would know or care, when seeing a woman come out of the women's toilet, that she didn't think she was a woman?

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Well Pat, let’s assume that the person using the facilities is a part of the world we inhabit and that their feelings are valid, too?

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 22/12/2024 11:40

Tooes · 22/12/2024 10:15

I don't blame them, the disabled toilets tend to be be much nicer.

That's not a valid reason to use them. I don't have any visible disability but I have valid reason to use them, and sometimes use them.

H0TSUB · 22/12/2024 11:40

Don't be such a dick op

WarmingClothesontheRadiator · 22/12/2024 11:41

DaphneduMaureen · 22/12/2024 11:34

They are not “disabled toilets” they are accessible toilets. They are not just for “disabled” people, whatever your definition of that is.

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They are for disabled people, not just anyone. They are called ‘accessible’ because a disabled toilet is one that is out of action - it has been disabled.

In terms of definition; disabled = ‘if you have a physical or mental impairment that has a ‘substantial’ and ‘long-term’ negative effect on your ability to do normal daily activities.’

Bromptotoo · 22/12/2024 11:41

visitbreakfast · 22/12/2024 11:39

Trans men would use the make toilet, not the female.

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Not according to the GC brigade - assuming their view on Transmen mirrors what they say about Transwomen.

viques · 22/12/2024 11:41

RinklyRomaine · 22/12/2024 10:36

Absolutely this. Why the actual should a disabled person wait while their facilities are being used by someone pretending not to be the sex they are?

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Exactly this. Maybe next time they need to pee they should take a moment to have a peek in their pants then remember for next time. Non binary isn’t a ooh it’s a big scarey world out there but luckily I have a piece of paper that lets me trample on you trans thing , or a disability, it’s a personal choice about how you present and doesn’t stop you using the toilet that matches your sex.

verysmellyjelly · 22/12/2024 11:41

Particlee · 22/12/2024 11:22

With the amount of idiots out there harassing people in toilets because they don’t look ‘female’ enough, I totally understand their decision!

So you don't care about the impact on disabled people? We need access to our toilets.

Suusue · 22/12/2024 11:42

I really wouldn't care.

Robynellacottscupoftea · 22/12/2024 11:42

TigerRag · 22/12/2024 11:14

You might be able to wait 2 minutes but not all of us can.

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if there were a disabled person in there you’d have to wait. You can’t expect it to be empty every time you go. There could be a mother changing a baby in there.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 22/12/2024 11:42

Accessible toilet.

Well as a company they should also have an accessible / gender neutral staff toilet!

What if there was a staff member who needed it for accessibility reasons? Would you still be raging about them taking it from customers?

If your colleague is non-binary and not comfortable using a toilet with men or women then I don’t see the problem. You are making a mountain out of a mole hill. I cannot actually believe you raised this with your manager?!

But your company is the one most in the wrong here.

FionaSkates · 22/12/2024 11:43

angrymenopausal · 22/12/2024 11:11

The critical world? Or just the actual world where everyone is either of the male or female sex but is welcome to dress and act as androgynously as they like?

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Well @angrymenopausal, which world view do you think you might have just confirmed to us all?

Particlee · 22/12/2024 11:43

Hoppinggreen · 22/12/2024 11:39

And no doubt had MH issues

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I don’t excuse hate/bigotry by passing it off as mental health issues.

SammyScrounge · 22/12/2024 11:43

ChallahPlaiter · 22/12/2024 11:22

Not true. Non binary people have existed around the globe for millennia; it’s well documented. It’s just that 21st century UK can be a prescriptive society that insists people have to fit into one or the other category.

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Where is it well documented? What exactly is this condition and where is it well documented?

arcticpandas · 22/12/2024 11:43

If you have a penis, use the male toilet. A vagina, female toilet. It's quite simple. Then you can define yourself as non-binary, male, woman, an animal or whatever you want in your head but look at your genitals for which toilet to use. Only use accessible toilet if you're physically disabled or need to change your baby's diaper.

Ezlo · 22/12/2024 11:43

DefendingPan · 22/12/2024 10:21

FYI this person is not disabled and does not consider themself to have a disability

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How do you know? I have a disability or two but none of my colleagues will ever know because it's none of their business and they don't poke their beaks in. I regularly use the lift at work but none of them have ever asked why because they're respectful. You sound like an interfering piece of work.

DaphneduMaureen · 22/12/2024 11:44

verysmellyjelly · 22/12/2024 11:39

@DaphneduMaureen Just because the current convention is to call them "accessible" and because some people are uncomfortable with the big bad D word (disabled) doesn't change their history, origin, and purpose. They exist because disabled people are the ones who need them and fought for them. They are our toilets and we are the ones who actually cannot manage without them.

You can wait your turn though.

verysmellyjelly · 22/12/2024 11:44

BobbyBiscuits · 22/12/2024 11:20

If they are identifying as non binary which toilets should they use? They might be unwelcome in both male and female spaces. In that respect I can see why the boss is basically saying this is the most practical solution available. Presuming making all the toilets unisex would be worse?
It's not ideal, but it's one person. Could some service users also be NB and also be using that bathroom? I just don't really see what the alternative is. Without possibly opening up discrimination accusations.

Gender isn't a disability. I don't know which they should use, that depends on whether the company would designate one as all gender or unisex and the other all female, or if they'd prefer to just use the loo of their sex. Not the point. The point is they aren't disabled.

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 22/12/2024 11:44

DefendingPan · 22/12/2024 10:21

FYI this person is not disabled and does not consider themself to have a disability

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I have no visible disability. I don't consider myself disabled. I also have a cast iron, unchallengeable reason to access the "disabled" toilet if I need to. It's not a reason I share with any work colleagues.

nellythe · 22/12/2024 11:44

Robynellacottscupoftea · 22/12/2024 11:42

if there were a disabled person in there you’d have to wait. You can’t expect it to be empty every time you go. There could be a mother changing a baby in there.

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But the difference here is that they’d be disabled and therefore also entitled to use those facilities. So it would be unfortunate but simply ‘one of those things’.

If my mum had to soil herself so that somebody who decided they needed extra concessions as the idea of being male or female wasn’t suitable to their personal views then I’d be absolutely incredulous.

Hoppinggreen · 22/12/2024 11:45

Particlee · 22/12/2024 11:43

I don’t excuse hate/bigotry by passing it off as mental health issues.

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Neither do I but only someone with MH issues would be unable to tell someones sex and then berate someone

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