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Original poster

To be devastated by breakup text

107 replies

BetterOffDeadWillNeverFindAMan · 25/09/2024 13:24

'Hi, I'm sorry but we must discuss this. I'll be direct, we can't continue this. I know this is disappointing and you may be disappointed in me for doing this now when you booked and paid for our holiday already, but I can't go forward with this. I have fallen in love with someone else unexpectedly. I'm happy to pay for the cost of the ticket, you need someone who can offer what you need.

This is me, not you. Don't think that. You're brilliant and I liked spending time together and chatting but we have little in common and don't need the same things. Please see my side of this and understand why I need to finish with you. I understand if you detest me for this, I would if I were you. I didn't intend for this. I hope you can move forward'

I booked a nearly £2,000 holiday for us, non refundable, including £700 for his ticket, 12 days ago.

How the HELL do you fall in love with someone else in 12 days? I also told him it wasn't refundable and that he wouldn't be able to change his mind, which he has now done anyway, because sod me, my feelings and my finances, I guess.

The holiday was planned for October. He's a nice guy but this is so...wormy. Why has he worded it like HR has just fired me!?

OP posts:
Windrainandsnow · 26/09/2024 11:03

Doltontweedle · 26/09/2024 10:53

He could be a lovely guy. The fact is that he’s extremely young and immature, and the op met him so recently that’s she’s too embarrassed to tell us how long they’ve actually known each other before she’s spent thousands on a holiday. He’s agreed to a holiday that the op wanted and booked and paid for, but now he’s changed his mind about the relationship. That’s allowed. He’s sensibly ended things and offered to cover the cost of his ticket. What was the alternative? Do people on here think it would be better for him to get his holiday first and then break up with her after? I know which scenario I think makes him sound like not a ‘nice guy’. As for the people saying he should be covering the cost of the whole holiday, I know what judge Judy would be making of that seeing as this was ‘relationship money’ that she stupidly spent while they were together. At this point I’d be grateful for his half of the costs which he’s offered, and take this as a lesson learnt

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I agree with you about the financial aspect.

But. He is an adult - not much younger than OP herself. He agreed to the holiday. He knew it was a financial and emotional commitment. So to pull out in this way, to let someone down, is a hurtful thing to do. He must have known when the matter of the holiday came up he was ambivalent in his feelings for OP but he didn't have the decency to be honest.

lemonvortex · 26/09/2024 11:16

Windrainandsnow · 26/09/2024 11:03

I agree with you about the financial aspect.

But. He is an adult - not much younger than OP herself. He agreed to the holiday. He knew it was a financial and emotional commitment. So to pull out in this way, to let someone down, is a hurtful thing to do. He must have known when the matter of the holiday came up he was ambivalent in his feelings for OP but he didn't have the decency to be honest.

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He must have known when the matter of the holiday came up he was ambivalent in his feelings for OP but he didn't have the decency to be honest.

Realistically, we don't know any of that at all. It is all just wild speculation and assumption on your part.

We don't know how long they were seeing each other in total. We don't know how and when the holiday was put forward. We don't know what happened between them in the interim.

What we do know is he has tried his best to break it off with OP in a gentle and respectful fashion, and has offered to pay for his half of the holiday - which is very decent of him.

Catlord · 26/09/2024 12:05

I agree with @Doltontweedle No, he shouldn't have accepted the holiday but he has clearly learnt his lesson and this is the best way he can remedy it. Really not too badly handled for his age. plenty of chancers would have taken the holiday and gone cold afterwards so I don't think this is hugely a comment on his character. I think the OP jumped in too quickly offering to pay which is the main point.

Windrainandsnow · 26/09/2024 12:29

lemonvortex · 26/09/2024 11:16

He must have known when the matter of the holiday came up he was ambivalent in his feelings for OP but he didn't have the decency to be honest.

Realistically, we don't know any of that at all. It is all just wild speculation and assumption on your part.

We don't know how long they were seeing each other in total. We don't know how and when the holiday was put forward. We don't know what happened between them in the interim.

What we do know is he has tried his best to break it off with OP in a gentle and respectful fashion, and has offered to pay for his half of the holiday - which is very decent of him.

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Yes I agree the financial offer is good.

And I agree we are making judgements on a third party we know nothing about apart from.what OP has said.

I think my opinion of him comes from a belief that when you make a commitment you should do everything you can to fulfill that commitment: whether it be committing to going on holiday, commitment in a relationship whatever. Of course things like bereavement, illness etc sometimes mean you can't fulfill commitments but I think a lot of people are far too relaxed about agreeing to things and then letting someone down because a better offer comes up, they can be bothered, or they just change their mind.

Robotnik · 26/09/2024 12:43

I saw my ex as a contemptible coward from the second she broke up with me by text. It made it very easy to move on.

You are undiminished by the actions of someone too weak to break up face-to-face. It does not reflect on you.

Strawberrysherbets · 17/10/2024 09:15

BetterOffDeadWillNeverFindAMan · 25/09/2024 13:46

He is only 21 (I'm 25) and a bartender so I think it would be a little harsh to expect him to pay both our flights and probably not very realistic. I think it was decent of him to offer to pay but I'm still heartbroken. It feels like he has ripped my heart out of my chest and showed it to me with the same glee an infant shakes his toy rattle before his Mother.

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You’re rather intense aren’t you?

Justsayit123 · 17/10/2024 09:53

He’s been shagging her probably before breaking up. Try and get the money. Call to see if you can change the name - likely to be a fee but take a friend or just go alone. This is not the end of the world. It may feel like it but consider this a lucky escape and dont pay out what you can’t afford to lose.

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