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Original poster

To be devastated by breakup text

107 replies

BetterOffDeadWillNeverFindAMan · 25/09/2024 13:24

'Hi, I'm sorry but we must discuss this. I'll be direct, we can't continue this. I know this is disappointing and you may be disappointed in me for doing this now when you booked and paid for our holiday already, but I can't go forward with this. I have fallen in love with someone else unexpectedly. I'm happy to pay for the cost of the ticket, you need someone who can offer what you need.

This is me, not you. Don't think that. You're brilliant and I liked spending time together and chatting but we have little in common and don't need the same things. Please see my side of this and understand why I need to finish with you. I understand if you detest me for this, I would if I were you. I didn't intend for this. I hope you can move forward'

I booked a nearly £2,000 holiday for us, non refundable, including £700 for his ticket, 12 days ago.

How the HELL do you fall in love with someone else in 12 days? I also told him it wasn't refundable and that he wouldn't be able to change his mind, which he has now done anyway, because sod me, my feelings and my finances, I guess.

The holiday was planned for October. He's a nice guy but this is so...wormy. Why has he worded it like HR has just fired me!?

OP posts:
Original poster
BetterOffDeadWillNeverFindAMan · 25/09/2024 14:20

Zahariel · 25/09/2024 14:19

Dunno how much better a break up text can be? it was honest, direct, apologised, offered to pay for the holiday, said you were great but didn't think it was the right thing

it's literally perfect other than the fact you didn't want to get dumped?

I acknowledged that he's a nice guy, but it hurts just the same.

OP posts:
BodenCardiganNot · 25/09/2024 14:20

I think he saw the red flags you are waving and decided to get out of the relationship.

Lemonadeand · 25/09/2024 14:21

lemonvortex · 25/09/2024 14:16

And you say you went to Oxford??

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What’s going to Oxford got to do with anything? Lots of incredibly academic people there who aren’t so good with emotions.

dreamer24 · 25/09/2024 14:21

Your username is pretty concerning you may want to consider therapy.

Agree with this.

Chonk · 25/09/2024 14:21

BetterOffDeadWillNeverFindAMan · 25/09/2024 13:55

Enough time to gain an attachment to him.

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Your reluctance to give a timeframe makes me think it was only a few weeks/months at most. Maybe take things more slowly in future.

Lemonadeand · 25/09/2024 14:22

BetterOffDeadWillNeverFindAMan · 25/09/2024 14:13

My confidence is destroyed irreconcilably, my heart is broken, and I feel used and discarded like an object. I feel pathetic and pitiful.

Edited

Have you never been dumped before? Of course your confidence hasn’t been destroyed irreconcilably. Most people get dumped in their 20s. You wallow a bit and then you bounce back. It hurts but it’s just life.

Original poster
BetterOffDeadWillNeverFindAMan · 25/09/2024 14:22

BodenCardiganNot · 25/09/2024 14:20

I think he saw the red flags you are waving and decided to get out of the relationship.

Too much too soon? I don't mean to be so intense. I just really fancied a nice holiday after not being on one in over a year. I know it was impulsive. How can I conceal myself better to the next guy? I don't mean to wave red flags but it seems to be out of my control.

OP posts:
lemonvortex · 25/09/2024 14:22

Lemonadeand · 25/09/2024 14:21

What’s going to Oxford got to do with anything? Lots of incredibly academic people there who aren’t so good with emotions.

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It's remarkably juvenile and hyperbolic. But then I've just read her other thread, so may have overdosed on the drama of it all.

recyclemeagain · 25/09/2024 14:22

There's a big lesson here OP about learning to live within your means and planning appropriately for your circumstances rather than the lifestyle you seem to want everyone to think you lead. Going from both this post and your other one. Otherwise you're in for one heck of bump back to Earth in the next 5 years or so. Time to wisen up a bit and give up the high value nonsense. It's doing you no favours and isn't making you happy.

FrenchandSaunders · 25/09/2024 14:23

You're so young OP. What with this and your other thread, if I was your mum I'd be rather worried to be honest. I have similar aged DDs, you need to calm down /slow down a bit.

Original poster
BetterOffDeadWillNeverFindAMan · 25/09/2024 14:24

recyclemeagain · 25/09/2024 14:22

There's a big lesson here OP about learning to live within your means and planning appropriately for your circumstances rather than the lifestyle you seem to want everyone to think you lead. Going from both this post and your other one. Otherwise you're in for one heck of bump back to Earth in the next 5 years or so. Time to wisen up a bit and give up the high value nonsense. It's doing you no favours and isn't making you happy.

Are you commenting on the right thread? I have no interest in projecting my materialism on social media and I'm not sure how you made that conclusion.

OP posts:
Clarinet1 · 25/09/2024 14:24

I think it was a cowardly way for him to dump you but: Firstly, yes get the money back from him for the holiday; Secondly, see whether you can find someone else to go with (Friend? Sister? Mum? Favourite Auntie?); Thirdly, and most importantly, please, please get away from what your user name suggests, your sole purpose in life is not to pair off with man; there are lots of wonderful times to be had following interests, with friends and even on you own! If anyone tells you otherwise, they are not good friends. Also, they do say nothing attracts like a busy sign!

ICarriedTheWatermelon · 25/09/2024 14:24

What a weasel faced jerk!!

Sorry you are going through this, dumping someone via text is just mean and pathetic.

Original poster
BetterOffDeadWillNeverFindAMan · 25/09/2024 14:25

Clarinet1 · 25/09/2024 14:24

I think it was a cowardly way for him to dump you but: Firstly, yes get the money back from him for the holiday; Secondly, see whether you can find someone else to go with (Friend? Sister? Mum? Favourite Auntie?); Thirdly, and most importantly, please, please get away from what your user name suggests, your sole purpose in life is not to pair off with man; there are lots of wonderful times to be had following interests, with friends and even on you own! If anyone tells you otherwise, they are not good friends. Also, they do say nothing attracts like a busy sign!

The names are not changeable because I paid super economy. I told him this at the start.

OP posts:
safarileader · 25/09/2024 14:25

BetterOffDeadWillNeverFindAMan · 25/09/2024 13:46

He is only 21 (I'm 25) and a bartender so I think it would be a little harsh to expect him to pay both our flights and probably not very realistic. I think it was decent of him to offer to pay but I'm still heartbroken. It feels like he has ripped my heart out of my chest and showed it to me with the same glee an infant shakes his toy rattle before his Mother.

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why the HELL did you pay for this holiday?!! you just be on minim wage yourself

InPlainSightYouHidButYouAreWhatYouDid · 25/09/2024 14:25

Why won't you specifically answer the question of how long you were with him?

You booked the holiday 12 days ago, so you're being specific there.

coxesorangepippin · 25/09/2024 14:25

Lesson learnt

Don't pay for fancy holidays for men you've just met

Especially when they're 21

Original poster
BetterOffDeadWillNeverFindAMan · 25/09/2024 14:25

ICarriedTheWatermelon · 25/09/2024 14:24

What a weasel faced jerk!!

Sorry you are going through this, dumping someone via text is just mean and pathetic.

He griped about his ex dumping him by text at length about how mean and evil it was of her not to do it in person and then he did the same thing to me!

OP posts:
safarileader · 25/09/2024 14:26

BetterOffDeadWillNeverFindAMan · 25/09/2024 13:44

Not very long in fairness, but he did agree to the holiday weeks before I booked it and he even booked time off work for it. I'm gutted.

I asked if it was his ex and he denied it. I asked if it was a colleague and he said yes and that she had just quit. I feel very insulted that he said this because it feels like he is trying to prevent me from showing up to his work and starting shit with this other girl (if she exists).

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what is “ not very long”

CleanShirt · 25/09/2024 14:26

Being dumped over text is awful, but spending £2k on a holiday with someone you haven't been seeing long isn't ideal either.

Your username is a little scary. Men are optional, not a necessity.

Original poster
BetterOffDeadWillNeverFindAMan · 25/09/2024 14:26

safarileader · 25/09/2024 14:25

why the HELL did you pay for this holiday?!! you just be on minim wage yourself

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No, I'm a junior academic.

OP posts:
RedheadedSoulStealer · 25/09/2024 14:26

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

safarileader · 25/09/2024 14:27

BetterOffDeadWillNeverFindAMan · 25/09/2024 13:55

Enough time to gain an attachment to him.

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meaningless answer

Original poster
BetterOffDeadWillNeverFindAMan · 25/09/2024 14:27

CleanShirt · 25/09/2024 14:26

Being dumped over text is awful, but spending £2k on a holiday with someone you haven't been seeing long isn't ideal either.

Your username is a little scary. Men are optional, not a necessity.

I know, it was so stupid and impulsive of me. I hate myself and I never learn from my mistakes.

OP posts:
coxesorangepippin · 25/09/2024 14:27

I have no interest in projecting my materialism on social media and I'm not sure how you made that conclusion.

^

You said on here that you paid 2k for a fancy holiday???