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Original poster

To be devastated by breakup text

107 replies

BetterOffDeadWillNeverFindAMan · 25/09/2024 13:24

'Hi, I'm sorry but we must discuss this. I'll be direct, we can't continue this. I know this is disappointing and you may be disappointed in me for doing this now when you booked and paid for our holiday already, but I can't go forward with this. I have fallen in love with someone else unexpectedly. I'm happy to pay for the cost of the ticket, you need someone who can offer what you need.

This is me, not you. Don't think that. You're brilliant and I liked spending time together and chatting but we have little in common and don't need the same things. Please see my side of this and understand why I need to finish with you. I understand if you detest me for this, I would if I were you. I didn't intend for this. I hope you can move forward'

I booked a nearly £2,000 holiday for us, non refundable, including £700 for his ticket, 12 days ago.

How the HELL do you fall in love with someone else in 12 days? I also told him it wasn't refundable and that he wouldn't be able to change his mind, which he has now done anyway, because sod me, my feelings and my finances, I guess.

The holiday was planned for October. He's a nice guy but this is so...wormy. Why has he worded it like HR has just fired me!?

OP posts:
Catlord · 25/09/2024 14:06

Ok, text was really not cool but I think immaturity played a huge part at 21. Obv he should have thought before agreeing but better you know where you stand.

You're not saying how long you were together so I'm thinking this may be better taken as a lesson learnt rather than a sympathy pile on (although I am sorry, it must hurt regardless).

Take him up on accepting his share back.

Go on the holiday anyway if non refundable. Move on. Don't make any large up front expenses like this again in a newish relationship.

Aquamarine1029 · 25/09/2024 14:06

The only issue I see is your very poor decision in paying for a holiday with a 21 year old you barely know. He is completely entitled to end this relationship, for any reason.

Original poster
BetterOffDeadWillNeverFindAMan · 25/09/2024 14:07

Discombobulated2024 · 25/09/2024 14:04

The message was not written by a human. He can’t write a message in his own words. And he’s also far from ‘nice’. It’s a shock right now but after you’ve got the money back and had the holiday (with it without another friend) you’ll realise you had a lucky escape from him. You hadn’t been together long. It’s shit but not the end of the world.

Feels like it. It really hurts so bad.

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 25/09/2024 14:08

Well definitely take him up on the offer to refund for the tickets - plural as you didn’t sign up to go alone.

His text is a bit waffling and although he says “it’s me” he tries a lot to justify himself. It’s just very immature I think.

I know it’s painful but please see this as a lucky escape from an immature man.

Sugarplummama · 25/09/2024 14:08

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Catlord · 25/09/2024 14:10

BetterOffDeadWillNeverFindAMan · 25/09/2024 14:07

Feels like it. It really hurts so bad.

Edited
Show quote history

Well get back to work tomorrow. Speak to a good friend tonight if you can or do something nice for yourself. But normality and structure tomorrow

cuddlebear · 25/09/2024 14:12

I would go alone or see if a friend can go with you?

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 25/09/2024 14:12

ForSereneBluePombear · 25/09/2024 14:03

His words were something along the lines of ‘I enjoyed chatting and spending time together’ - you mustn’t have been with him long at all for that sort of wording, and you made a huge mistake blowing that much money on someone you didn’t know for very long. Let him pay you his half and be done with it, lesson learnt. Find someone older too.

This - he’s a kid. He got carried away with the idea of a holiday but he’s not that into you so realised he didn’t really want to go and couldn’t face telling you. Find someone else or get him to pay his half and go alone. Have a great time, talk to people, experience some fun things. You don’t need a man there to enjoy your holiday.

BigDahliaFan · 25/09/2024 14:13

Sugarplummama · 25/09/2024 14:01

I’m not sure if this post is entirely real but…

Are you off your rocker? Why on earth are you spending thousands on a holiday for a 21 year old that you haven’t been with for that long. I feel like no offence, this is a big life lesson for you.

Yes...this really.

Ivehearditbothways · 25/09/2024 14:13

How long were you actually with this guy? You’re not answering because the answer is probably something like 6 weeks, isn’t it?

And why is he laying the groundwork to prevent you turning up at his work to give this (innocent) woman a hard time? Are you the type to go and “start shit” with someone?

Original poster
BetterOffDeadWillNeverFindAMan · 25/09/2024 14:13

My confidence is destroyed irreconcilably, my heart is broken, and I feel used and discarded like an object. I feel pathetic and pitiful.

OP posts:
BigDahliaFan · 25/09/2024 14:13

Actually thinking about it you are lucky you didn't end up on holiday with him and then him breaking up with you ....

Lizzie67384 · 25/09/2024 14:14

Ewww what a horrible man!! He didn’t even have the guts to tell you this in person - sending a text is so lame!! I would insist he paid his share - however, you’ve had a very lucky escape

Claloulat · 25/09/2024 14:14

Some harsh replies here. He's a 21 year old grown man, not some stupid teenager.

Send him your bank details now while he's still feeling guilty. Keep your dignity and don't let him see how upset you are. You'll get over him soon

Tuddlepops · 25/09/2024 14:14

If this is real you could do with counselling.

Original poster
BetterOffDeadWillNeverFindAMan · 25/09/2024 14:15

Tuddlepops · 25/09/2024 14:14

If this is real you could do with counselling.

Are you offering?

OP posts:
newfriend05 · 25/09/2024 14:16

OP in the kindest way , he wants out ! He's been upfront.. ask for the money back for the holiday, or see if you can change the name and take someone else... to book a £2000 holiday when not being together very long was always going to be risky...he's 21 ... if anything I think he's doing the right thing..

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 25/09/2024 14:16

It feels like he has ripped my heart out of my chest and showed it to me with the same glee an infant shakes his toy rattle before his Mother.

you’re quite dramatic OP. If you’re this intense in your relationships it might explain why you’re not having much luck. You barely know this guy by the sound of it. He’s quite a bit younger than you and not at all committed to you and yet you speak as though you’ve been married for years and he’s left you with the kids. It was a brief fling and you’re still hung up on an ex from years ago, so it really doesn’t need to be this big a deal.

Life is made up of meetings and partings. You need to toughen up a bit or you will struggle.

lemonvortex · 25/09/2024 14:16

BetterOffDeadWillNeverFindAMan · 25/09/2024 14:13

My confidence is destroyed irreconcilably, my heart is broken, and I feel used and discarded like an object. I feel pathetic and pitiful.

Edited

And you say you went to Oxford??

cuddlebear · 25/09/2024 14:16

Having read your other thread today about how desperate you are for a bloke, I do think it would be worth investing in some counselling or therapy to improve your self esteem.

Then you won’t be trying to “buy” love from the next 21 year old.

GalileoHumpkins · 25/09/2024 14:17

This reply has been deleted

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Aquamarine1029 · 25/09/2024 14:17

BetterOffDeadWillNeverFindAMan · 25/09/2024 14:13

My confidence is destroyed irreconcilably, my heart is broken, and I feel used and discarded like an object. I feel pathetic and pitiful.

Edited

Why does your self-worth depend on whether some man wants to date you? Sometimes we aren't suited to someone. Life goes on.

You really need therapy. This reaction from you is extremely dramatic.

Original poster
BetterOffDeadWillNeverFindAMan · 25/09/2024 14:18

lemonvortex · 25/09/2024 14:16

And you say you went to Oxford??

Show quote history

They don't offer courses on self esteem and confidence in Oxford, sadly.

OP posts:
Ivehearditbothways · 25/09/2024 14:18

BetterOffDeadWillNeverFindAMan · 25/09/2024 14:13

My confidence is destroyed irreconcilably, my heart is broken, and I feel used and discarded like an object. I feel pathetic and pitiful.

Edited

Over a guy you barely knew? Who is just 21 years old.

Look, age difference is fine. My boyfriend is 9 years older than me, but I’m mid thirties and he is mid forties, I’ve got kids who are teens now, he never wanted any, we’re both settled in life and career… we’re at the right stage and want the same things so the age doesn’t matter.

Your age difference was only 4 years but he is 21 and wanting fun. You’re 25 and starting to mature and wanting serious. It’s just the wrong choice.

Zahariel · 25/09/2024 14:19

Dunno how much better a break up text can be? it was honest, direct, apologised, offered to pay for the holiday, said you were great but didn't think it was the right thing

it's literally perfect other than the fact you didn't want to get dumped?