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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My little one’s broken another child’s toy?

196 replies

Lilimama23 · 25/08/2024 23:55

Mum of super energetic 3&3/4 years old twin boys here. We went to our local playground today. Despite the summer time and the weekend, it wasn’t busy.
At this point there were only another two boys there with their ‘dad’ /presumably/. They were playing with a couple of those little cars with remote controls. From my previous experience, I was already on high alert, as my boys just love chasing those cars. For a while I’ve tried to distract them, unsuccessfully.
I sat down on a bench and called my sister. I often do this as at home it’s nearly impossible /due to my boys above mentioned hyperactivity/. I always call my sister to offload and get advice.
While talking I was looking at the boys. Suddenly the ‘dad’ stood front of me declaring that one of my sons broke their toy car. /It was a wheel coming off but he couldn’t put it back./ I apologised, but he was still just standing there. I cut my call short to give him my full attention.
Turned out that ‘dad’ wanted me to pay for the toy, as he said that it was a precious Christmas present.
I felt awful, it felt as if my little ones were judged as criminals. I was and I’m still a bit baffled. We don’t have particularly expensive toys and the ones we take to the playground I was always prepared to lose or get them broken. It’s happened in the past and I’d have never asked parents to buy me one instead.
’Dad’ was also having a go at my parenting, by saying I should control my children. Given they’re twins I can’t be with both of them in any given moment. My boys also told me that they didn’t break it, which of course can be true or not. I didn’t see them break the car, I’ve seen them chasing it but I haven’t seen them breaking it. TBH I’m not sure what’s happened.
I genuinely feel sorry for the 5 years old little boy, whose car was broken but AIBU to feel harshly judged by ‘dad’? I eventually offered to give my name and phone number so we can arrange me to pay for it some point. Because of difficult finances I couldn’t just do it straight away. That point ‘dad’ told me to leave it, as it was.
He wasn’t aggressive but I still felt unfairly judged and criticised. I admit I’m not the most perfect mums as my boys often overwhelm me. This little playground so far was a safe haven for us because it’s secure, I can be a bit less on high alerts there compared to when we’re at home in our flat, where’s not a single minute to switch off. Now I feel anxious to go to the playground again. I just can’t stop my boys to be interested in other children’s toys. They’re just learning about possessions, about how to interact with others.

OP posts:
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 26/08/2024 00:36

you were on the phone, you were not supervising your children - of which you have two, so you need eyes in the back of your head and pay attention to your children at all times.

as you are unable to supervise your children in the park, you need to not make phone calls and chat away.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 26/08/2024 00:40

A remote control car isn’t an ideal toy to bring to a park where kids of all ages are likely to be running about. I don’t think YABU, you shouldn’t bring toys to the park if they’re expensive or sentimental, especially toys they by their very nature involve them being at the other side of the park to the owner.

Boxina · 26/08/2024 00:42

MolkosTeenageAngst · 26/08/2024 00:40

A remote control car isn’t an ideal toy to bring to a park where kids of all ages are likely to be running about. I don’t think YABU, you shouldn’t bring toys to the park if they’re expensive or sentimental, especially toys they by their very nature involve them being at the other side of the park to the owner.

I agree with this. I think it's a risk they took taking it to a public area and in particular a children's playground.

OP should have been watching them but I don't think she should pay.

KissMyArt · 26/08/2024 00:43

MolkosTeenageAngst · 26/08/2024 00:40

A remote control car isn’t an ideal toy to bring to a park where kids of all ages are likely to be running about. I don’t think YABU, you shouldn’t bring toys to the park if they’re expensive or sentimental, especially toys they by their very nature involve them being at the other side of the park to the owner.

Would've stood half a chance in a very quiet park if the OP hadn't chosen yakking on the phone, over supervising her young twins though.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 26/08/2024 00:45

KissMyArt · 26/08/2024 00:43

Would've stood half a chance in a very quiet park if the OP hadn't chosen yakking on the phone, over supervising her young twins though.

Show quote history

Equally when the father of the children playing saw that a couple of young children were chasing it and showing interest he should have gotten his kids to put it away. Fine to play with that kind of toy in an empty park but very annoying to be whizzing around a noisy remote control car around little kids trying to play with the equipment and just foolish once you know the young kids are showing an interest.

Hairspray123 · 26/08/2024 00:47

Oh dear, you lost the battle when you admitted to being on the phone and basically ignoring your 2 children. Who at 3 years still should have your undivided attention. The fact that you didnt see or have a clue what happened make that clear. YABU and should feel bad for being on your phone even if the outcome wouldnt have been any different if you weren't, Im sure if you are watching your kids and interacting with them and a toy got broken the father wouldnt have judged you in the same way.

Incakewetrust · 26/08/2024 00:51

YABU.
I have two children that are very close in age. Now that they're 5 and 6, I can sit in the playground and trust that they won't cause mayhem but when they were 2 & 3/ 3 & 4, I would've been following them around and wouldn't have dreamt of sitting on my phone.

You saw them chase after another child's toy but chose not to do anything to stop them as you were too busy chatting to your sister.
Pay the man and apologise.

KissMyArt · 26/08/2024 00:51

MolkosTeenageAngst · 26/08/2024 00:45

Equally when the father of the children playing saw that a couple of young children were chasing it and showing interest he should have gotten his kids to put it away. Fine to play with that kind of toy in an empty park but very annoying to be whizzing around a noisy remote control car around little kids trying to play with the equipment and just foolish once you know the young kids are showing an interest.

Show quote history

Nah, you're blaming the wrong person if you think the parent letting their child play with the car in a very quiet park was in the wrong on this particular occasion.

You don't just dump your kids at the playpark and use that as your 'quiet time' to catch up with people on the phone, especially when you know your kids have form for chasing other kid's toys.

NiftyKoala · 26/08/2024 00:51

Children at that age need your full attention. I'd save the phone calls for another time.

Original poster
Lilimama23 · 26/08/2024 00:58

Mumoftwo1316 · 26/08/2024 00:04

Yabu and need to keep an eye on your kids.

Why is Dad in inverted commas? Are you implying this man wasn't really a Dad?

I simply don’t know if he was the dad.

OP posts:
MolkosTeenageAngst · 26/08/2024 00:58

KissMyArt · 26/08/2024 00:51

Nah, you're blaming the wrong person if you think the parent letting their child play with the car in a very quiet park was in the wrong on this particular occasion.

You don't just dump your kids at the playpark and use that as your 'quiet time' to catch up with people on the phone, especially when you know your kids have form for chasing other kid's toys.

Show quote history

I do agree the OP should have been supervising her sons, from a safety point of view more than anything else. I don’t think however that a parent is to blame if their child breaks another child’s toy whilst at the park, remote control cars aren’t known for being robust they’re not the kind of toy you bring to the park and use whilst 3 year olds are trying to play. I think it’s really annoying when people try to do things like play football or use remote control cars inside the fence of a play park, they get under the feet of people trying to play in the park appropriately and are a trip hazard. If the 3 year old was able to grab the car then it was being driven too close to other park users. The remote control cars should have been put away, but the OP should have also been supervising her kids. Two parents equally to blame to here, 3 year olds need supervising in a park but equally remote control cars aren’t a suitable toy for a public area where other kids are running about and playing.

AnyThoughtsWelcome · 26/08/2024 01:02

Your kids are too young to not be properly supervised. You shouldn’t have been on your phone. YABU.

HamSad · 26/08/2024 01:02

Supervise your children.

ThinWomansBrain · 26/08/2024 01:08

you can't possibly call from home because you're far too busy supervising your hyperactive twins.
Makes perfect sense to save the phone calls until you're out in public & don't have to bother - after all, when out they're only likely to damage another child's toys, not your belongings.

Emeraldiisland · 26/08/2024 01:09

It's tricky but it sounds like you were really not paying attention to the children at all as you don't even know if they broke the toy or not.
I think you need to call your sister in the evening after your boys are asleep, as it sounds like they need supervision at the park too.
Perhaps he was judging you but if he was I wouldn't worry about it. No one is a perfect parent all the time and he's probably been judged at some point.
Don't let it put you off the park if the kids enjoy it.

Overthebow · 26/08/2024 01:17

They're almost 4, they should know not to play with other peoples toys in the park without permission and shouldn't be breaking them. My just turned 4 year old would be in so much trouble if she did that, and yes of course I'd pay if she broke it. You shouldn't be on your phone you should have been supervising.

creepywoman · 26/08/2024 01:19

You don’t sound like a very good parent because you have zero ability to look at things rationally and subjectively. Your post is very “woe is me”. You weren’t appropriately parenting your children. That’s the start and end of it unfortunately

Blondeshavemorefun · 26/08/2024 01:29

Same as all the other replies - you should have watched your children rather then been on the phone not concentrating

You say they have issues /hyper active

They were chasing the toy

So tbh likely they did take the toy and break it - prob by accident rather then being malicious

If you were looking /watching them you would have known if they did or didn't

Be grateful it was a toy they broke and not their arms:/legs falling off equipment if you are not watching them

So yes you need to pay

And be on your guard more

Call your sister when they are in bed

Or at home watching tv /doing an activity that means their attention is focused on that

Original poster
Lilimama23 · 26/08/2024 01:29

Thank you for everyone replying.
Just to clear up I called my ds after I believed that it was safe for my boys to run after the cars as they were too fast for them to catch.
I was actually asking ds if I should go back home because of this. My children were in full sight of me all the time and I didn’t see them brake the car or even touching it, I could see them chasing it. I was back and forth between the bench and them a few meters away. I think I’d just not go there again because of they’re too interested in anything which moves and/or unusual. If I wanted dc not to chase the toy car, the only solution would have been to go back home.
It definitely feels safer in an open place where there’s enough room for dc to run around then at home in a confined space.
I’m not spending excessive amount of time on my phone but very often my children are the only people I talk to for days. In a tense situation I thought someone’s advice who is close to me. I see parents/guardians much more on the phone in the playground.
I’ll try to find the ‘dad’ and pay them once I manage to save up the money. I’m glad I’ve asked independent opinions even if I had even more judgement on the way.

OP posts:
Galoop · 26/08/2024 01:38

Don't be one of those parents who is too busy on your phone while your "super energetic" children run wild. It's not fair on us who actually parent (yes it's hard, and I too often go days without speaking to anyone as I'm a SAHM, but when out I'm always on high alert and my kid is pretty chill but I have to because of bratty kids like yours).

Kimmeridge · 26/08/2024 01:38

Ffs what's with the 'dad' It's a fair assumption that's who he is if not let's just call him Dad for the sake of the story

redalex261 · 26/08/2024 01:43

You are being unreasonable as you well know. You admit your kids are hyperactive and fascinated by remote control toys.

You chose sit on a bench on your phone so weren’t paying attention to either of them, meaning you don’t know if one of your pair broke it, and if they did which one was the guilty party. Because you weren’t watching you can’t even discipline the perpetrator and reinforce whatever you are saying you are teaching them about other people’s possessions and boundaries.

No wonder the guy was annoyed. The truth is no-one at the park cares a damn if your kids are hyperactive or you find them a handful. They just expect other parents to actively parent their own kids so everyone else is not affected adversely by their behaviour.

Blondeshavemorefun · 26/08/2024 01:52

but very often my children are the only people I talk to for days.

Why is this ? Are you scared to take them out to activities /meet friends

Assume they go to pre school - have you not met any mum that way ?

Sounds like uou both need some friendly company

Or else parenting can be very lonely

buttonsB4 · 26/08/2024 01:58

The fact that you didn't see, or were at all aware, of the dad walking towards you and standing in front of you until he was "suddenly" there, indicates you took your eyes off your children for some considerable time.

Presumably you hadn't noticed your boys getting close to the car, it being broken, the dad checking which bit was broken and then approaching you; that's a full couple of minutes of action you were oblivious to, and quite dangerous behaviour when you're "supervising" two boisterous 3yr olds.

You left yourself in a position where you could neither confirm nor deny whether your kids broke the car.

An expensive lesson learnt that you need to watch your children closer, but be thankful it was just a toy that got damaged.

Overthebow · 26/08/2024 02:04

Lilimama23 · 26/08/2024 01:29

Thank you for everyone replying.
Just to clear up I called my ds after I believed that it was safe for my boys to run after the cars as they were too fast for them to catch.
I was actually asking ds if I should go back home because of this. My children were in full sight of me all the time and I didn’t see them brake the car or even touching it, I could see them chasing it. I was back and forth between the bench and them a few meters away. I think I’d just not go there again because of they’re too interested in anything which moves and/or unusual. If I wanted dc not to chase the toy car, the only solution would have been to go back home.
It definitely feels safer in an open place where there’s enough room for dc to run around then at home in a confined space.
I’m not spending excessive amount of time on my phone but very often my children are the only people I talk to for days. In a tense situation I thought someone’s advice who is close to me. I see parents/guardians much more on the phone in the playground.
I’ll try to find the ‘dad’ and pay them once I manage to save up the money. I’m glad I’ve asked independent opinions even if I had even more judgement on the way.

If you saw them chasing it why didn't you make them stop? You saw it and just left them to it and sat down on your phone. That's unacceptable really, either make them stop or take them straight home if they can't listen to instructions, you don't just let them run wild and chase and then break another child's toy.