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AIBU?

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Original poster

My little one’s broken another child’s toy?

196 replies

Lilimama23 · 25/08/2024 23:55

Mum of super energetic 3&3/4 years old twin boys here. We went to our local playground today. Despite the summer time and the weekend, it wasn’t busy.
At this point there were only another two boys there with their ‘dad’ /presumably/. They were playing with a couple of those little cars with remote controls. From my previous experience, I was already on high alert, as my boys just love chasing those cars. For a while I’ve tried to distract them, unsuccessfully.
I sat down on a bench and called my sister. I often do this as at home it’s nearly impossible /due to my boys above mentioned hyperactivity/. I always call my sister to offload and get advice.
While talking I was looking at the boys. Suddenly the ‘dad’ stood front of me declaring that one of my sons broke their toy car. /It was a wheel coming off but he couldn’t put it back./ I apologised, but he was still just standing there. I cut my call short to give him my full attention.
Turned out that ‘dad’ wanted me to pay for the toy, as he said that it was a precious Christmas present.
I felt awful, it felt as if my little ones were judged as criminals. I was and I’m still a bit baffled. We don’t have particularly expensive toys and the ones we take to the playground I was always prepared to lose or get them broken. It’s happened in the past and I’d have never asked parents to buy me one instead.
’Dad’ was also having a go at my parenting, by saying I should control my children. Given they’re twins I can’t be with both of them in any given moment. My boys also told me that they didn’t break it, which of course can be true or not. I didn’t see them break the car, I’ve seen them chasing it but I haven’t seen them breaking it. TBH I’m not sure what’s happened.
I genuinely feel sorry for the 5 years old little boy, whose car was broken but AIBU to feel harshly judged by ‘dad’? I eventually offered to give my name and phone number so we can arrange me to pay for it some point. Because of difficult finances I couldn’t just do it straight away. That point ‘dad’ told me to leave it, as it was.
He wasn’t aggressive but I still felt unfairly judged and criticised. I admit I’m not the most perfect mums as my boys often overwhelm me. This little playground so far was a safe haven for us because it’s secure, I can be a bit less on high alerts there compared to when we’re at home in our flat, where’s not a single minute to switch off. Now I feel anxious to go to the playground again. I just can’t stop my boys to be interested in other children’s toys. They’re just learning about possessions, about how to interact with others.

OP posts:
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Goldbar · 27/08/2024 08:32

Whaleandsnail6 · 27/08/2024 08:18

I gave an example earlier of my teens playing football and it having been ruined by adults allowing very young children run to where they are kicking the ball to try and join in... getting in the way and potentially causing them ro accidentally het hurt by my bigger, stronger kids.

Are you saying that it's unreasonable to expect to be able to kick a ball around without other kids trying to join in since we are in a public place? Because I dont.

Or alternatively, if my teens see young kids playing football, should they barge in and join in. After all, its a piblic place? And an enjoyable activity that they are being excluded from. Or should I tell them to do their own thing and leave the others to play with their ball?

Show quote history

If you're playing a game of football in an enclosed playground under the play equipment, then YABU.

Whaleandsnail6 · 27/08/2024 08:18

shallweorderpizza · 27/08/2024 07:52

I think that’s kind of the point. An enjoyable activity for one that automatically excludes others has no place that’s open for everyone.

I gave an example earlier of my teens playing football and it having been ruined by adults allowing very young children run to where they are kicking the ball to try and join in... getting in the way and potentially causing them ro accidentally het hurt by my bigger, stronger kids.

Are you saying that it's unreasonable to expect to be able to kick a ball around without other kids trying to join in since we are in a public place? Because I dont.

Or alternatively, if my teens see young kids playing football, should they barge in and join in. After all, its a piblic place? And an enjoyable activity that they are being excluded from. Or should I tell them to do their own thing and leave the others to play with their ball?

Boomer55 · 27/08/2024 08:16

You should supervise your kids properly, and if they break something, then pay for a replacement.🤷‍♀️

CosmicDaisyChain · 27/08/2024 08:08

Lilimama23 · 26/08/2024 11:44

I did end the call when he came to me.

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That's the problem. You should have been giving your kids your full attention in the first place. Not messing around on your phone.

CosmicDaisyChain · 27/08/2024 08:04

Totally unreasonable. All the dad sees is you gas bagging on your phone while your kids are running all over the place, breaking his child's toy and you are not supervising either of them. I would judge you too. He isn't your daycare assistant.

shallweorderpizza · 27/08/2024 07:52

I think that’s kind of the point. An enjoyable activity for one that automatically excludes others has no place that’s open for everyone.

Werweisswohin · 27/08/2024 07:39

Goldbar · 27/08/2024 07:28

In both cases, it's complaining about the inevitable.

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One point in common doesn't make them the same.
There's lots of bubbles to enjoy, versus one car.
Bubbles are meant to burst, cars aren't meant to be broken (and it's not inevitable).
Bubbles are cheap, the car probably wasn't.
TBH the OP should have been watching the kids even if it was 'just' bubbles or even no other toys.

Goldbar · 27/08/2024 07:28

Werweisswohin · 27/08/2024 07:16

It's not the same at all.

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In both cases, it's complaining about the inevitable.

Werweisswohin · 27/08/2024 07:16

Goldbar · 27/08/2024 07:14

Little kids chase remote-controlled cars in playgrounds. It's what they do. I have rarely seen a car brought to a busy playground without this outcome occurring. Complaining that little kids are chasing a remote-controlled car in the playground is a bit like blowing bubbles for your kids and then complaining that other kids are popping them. A bit silly, really. That said, the OP should still have been watching her kids. Kids need more supervision, not less, imo in a playground full of hazards.

It's not the same at all.

Goldbar · 27/08/2024 07:14

Little kids chase remote-controlled cars in playgrounds. It's what they do. I have rarely seen a car brought to a busy playground without this outcome occurring. Complaining that little kids are chasing a remote-controlled car in the playground is a bit like blowing bubbles for your kids and then complaining that other kids are popping them. A bit silly, really. That said, the OP should still have been watching her kids. Kids need more supervision, not less, imo in a playground full of hazards.

BusyMum47 · 26/08/2024 22:57

Noseybookworm · 26/08/2024 00:36

I'd be judging you too if you were talking on the phone and not watching your kids and they broke my kid's toy. You knew they'd be fascinated by the remote control cars and yet you chose not to watch them and chatted on your phone instead! Did you expect the dad not to be pissed off? You should pay for the toy 🤷‍♀️

Yep. ⬆️

Maria1979 · 26/08/2024 21:02

I have had this problem when one of my DS was younger. He loved chasing cars so I had to tell him he couldnt or he would break it. Some times had to run along with him (Asd so difficult to manage) to make sure I got him out of the way before he could hit the car. He grew up and had his own car(s) and we played with it outside but I always told him in the park you risk braking it because younger children will run after it. This happened ofcourse but I wouldnt dream of going up to a parent and make a fuss about it. You're in a public parc with lots of children, if you have a toy that can be broken then dont bring it!

ZiriForGood · 26/08/2024 20:53

It sounds that two families picked the quietest park in the area hoping they will be able to use it according to their needs, ideally on their own.

Father with son having a spot to safely play with the car and the OP hoping to have a space to let her children loose safely.

It was annoying for both parties that the other appeared as well and shared responsibility that the car was damaged (both aware of the risk but deciding not to prevent it more decisively by hoping it will be fine).

Blondeshavemorefun · 26/08/2024 20:31

What advise did sister give you ?

To tell them not to chase. If they don't listen/obey to go home ?

Park/playground are the same thing to me

kierenthecommunity · 26/08/2024 17:11

I’m not sure what advice you thought you could get from your sister other than something as obvious as grabbing a hand of each of them and say ‘Those cars look lots of fun! Let’s stand here and watch the boys play shall we?’

Then when they get bored of that, (which they inevitably will) take them away and let them run around somewhere else.

It didn’t need that much thinking about did it?

PleaseStopEatingMyStuff · 26/08/2024 16:23

I'm not sure why you thought letting them chase the cars was OK. Clearly they'd just get trodden on when they inevitably stopped. You should absolutely pay for the little boys car. Its completely your fault.
I'd also quit phoning people when out and about with your kids. They need your full attention. Call your sister when they go to bed.

Crazycatlady79 · 26/08/2024 16:11

Yes, you can supervise both your twins at the same time, hyperactive or not.
It's what I had/have to do with my AuDHD 6 year old twins.
You can't stop your children from being interested in others' toys, but you can stop them from chasing toy cars!

TeaOrCoffeeOrHotChocolate · 26/08/2024 15:45

You're both in the wrong.

You should have been watching your children.

But saying that...

The dad shouldn't have let his child play with a remote control car in a playground area where kids are running about and they could easily trip over it. Playgrounds are for children to run about it on and lay on the equipment. Remote control cars need to be elsewhere.

NiftyKoala · 26/08/2024 14:29

They broke a toy when you were not watching. But it could have easily been the ran across a road when you weren't watching. Even if it was one child things can happen. I think you need to find another time to call your sister.

McSpoot · 26/08/2024 11:56

Lilimama23 · 26/08/2024 11:44

I did end the call when he came to me.

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You said that you didn’t initially end the call. Only after he didn’t leave did you deign to give him your attention.

Werweisswohin · 26/08/2024 11:55

Lilimama23 · 26/08/2024 11:44

I did end the call when he came to me.

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You shouldn't have started the call. 🫣

Original poster
Lilimama23 · 26/08/2024 11:44

WiddlinDiddlin · 26/08/2024 05:41

I really hope this IS a reverse, can someone really be this deluded?

You know your children are total chaos, they're like that in a small space at home, so you take them to a secure place to hurtle around...

Once you spotted there was a toy you know they will chase and want to grab, play with etc, you should have been supervising very closely, not making a phone call.

You were not watching them properly, because if you had been you would not have been surprised by the other kids Dad appearing in front of you, you'd have seen the incident and seen him approach.

Then it seems you knew he wanted to speak to you but you still took your sweet time ending your call - how rude.

Were you REALLY baffled and confused that he wanted you to control your children, and make good what they'd damaged?

What other people choose to do with their property is their business and doesn't give you carte blanche to let your children trample all over it. Some remote control toys are much better in a bigger open space and are designed for that.

Trust me, it isn't your kids he was judging, it was your total lack of parenting that was the problem.

I did end the call when he came to me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lilimama23 · 26/08/2024 11:28

WingSluts · 26/08/2024 06:45

You don’t know if the toy was a Christmas present or not but that didn’t make it into inverted commas. You were simply being a bit dismissive of him, weren’t you?

Less talking, more parenting next time.

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The dad told me that it was a Christmas present. I wasn’t ignorant of him, I was mortified.

OP posts:
cadburyegg · 26/08/2024 10:49

I think YABU and you need to suck it up and pay for it.

When I was a child I borrowed a book from a friend and our kitten chewed the cover. My parents bought my friend a new copy and we kept the chewed version. When my kids borrowed a playmobil car from their friend a couple of years ago, something broke on it so I replaced it and we kept the broken version.

These things happen and kids break stuff by accident, but their parents should replace an item if it belonged to someone else.

Sprogonthetyne · 26/08/2024 10:39

I'd give you a pass if you were helping one twin with something, and the other one ran unexpectedly at the car in the few seconds you had eyes off. In this case you know they had form for car chasing, say you saw them chasing the cars (and didn't intervean?), and you were on your phone letting this happen. Even if the car hadn't been broken, you were still letting your kids spoil the other kids fun, which is pretty rude.

Parenting is stressful and we all have 'off days' or get overwhelmed from time to time. I'm not judging for that, I've messed up too in the past. I think you do need to own this mess up though, the 5yo who's car is broken is sad because you weren't supervising closely enough. You should definitely have offered to pay for the damage you let happen.